As 2024 comes to close, I wanted to look back and reflect on the year. I have had a few setbacks, one of those being my first car accident. I’ve also had some positive experiences. I feel like both the positive and negative situations have helped me grow a lot as a person. That being said, today I want to share a few highlights from this year.
Boxing
This year, I started my boxing journey. I started watching boxing over 6 years. What got me into it was a popular UK YouTuber named KSI who fought against other YouTubers. They paved the way for other content creators to get in the ring. Today, that sub-genre of boxing is referred to as Crossover Boxing. I then started watching traditional boxing not long after, and have been hooked since.
Earlier this year, I started taking boxing lessons at a nearby combat sports gym. I had a one month free trial which was great; I enjoyed the classes a lot. Sadly, I had to take a long break after my free trial ended to save up money, but I plan on returning in January. I’m sure it will great to pick up where I left off.
My plan is to train up to the summer. Then, if I feel ready, I want to start competing in amateur bouts during summer and fall. After that, I might dip my toes into professional bouts. However, I would not be going the traditional route. There is a company called Misfits Boxing, created the previously mentioned UK YouTuber KSI and his manager, where social media influencers compete against each other. Since I don’t have dreams to become a world champion, I think a platform like that would be the best fit for me. While training next year, I will have to continue growing my online platforms since fighters on Misfits must have at least a decent social media following in order to fight on there.
Social Life
Due to social anxiety, I’ve always struggled with making and maintaining friendships. My social anxiety increased significantly during the lockdown portion of the pandemic. Once the lockdown lifted, I very much wanted to have a social life.
I recently joined a few social groups through the MeetUp app, and I’ve connected very well with one group in particular. The chemistry in this group is amazing, and it feels like a bunch of long time friends hanging out.
Driving
My third highlight for this year is getting a lot more comfortable with driving, especially on the highway. Even though I got into an accident, I made so much progress this year with getting behind the wheel. In 2022, I refused to drive at all. Then in the second half of 2023, I slowly started driving again. At first, it was just on main roads. Then I added one exit worth of driving on the highway. Then this year, I started driving on the highway even more, sometimes for hour-long trips.
So those are some of my highlights from 2024, at the time of me writing this anyway. My birthday is coming up, so I’m hoping that will be a highlight too. I hope you all had a great 2024, and I hope you have an even better 2025!
~ T
Building Community: Moving Towards Meaningful Connection
Back in January, I was asked to be a keynote speaker at a Young Adult Leadership Summit. I wanted to impart some wisdom as I shared my journey. Knowing that so much of my journey is wrapped up in my community, I decided to run with that idea. Here’s some of what I shared about community building and the journey that got me to where I am now!
Choosing my name
I am a trans person. – One of the many stops on my gender journey was changing my name to one that felt more like home. I knew that I wanted the meaning of my name to be both qualities I embody and qualities I aspire to. After several visits to cafes to try on names – it became so clear that my name is Quinn Atlas. It checked every single box. Quinn means wise or counsel – and though I’m still in my 20’s, I think I’ve both acquired and shared lots of wisdom. The best part is that I get to continue becoming wiser and offering guidance to those who seek it from me. How cool!
Funnily enough, I knew that Atlas was going to be my middle name before I decided on Quinn as my first name. The meaning of the name Atlas is support – and though Atlas was condemned to hold up the sky for eternity, I chose this name as a reminder that I don’t have to do that. That I get to choose the kind of support I want to offer, how much I want to offer it, when I want to offer it, and, of course, why I want to offer support. Let me put this in context.
Trust the process
To understand why having autonomy over the ways I offer support is so important, let me take you back a bit to where I’ve been. Trust the process, this will all make sense soon.
I am glass child, an invisible child, the “other child”, or the child who lives in the shadow of a sibling whose needs take up a lot of their parents’ and caregivers’ time, energy, resources, attention, and protection. This is usually because of a disability or illness, but this dynamic can arise for a variety of reasons.
As a result, my teenhood and young adulthood looked really different from my peers. I was often left to my own devices, and expected to grow up really fast. I was expected to be needless, boundaryless, and helpful to my parents and my sibling, and that took a tremendous toll on me.
As a glass child, I’ve found it really difficult to find resources and stories from other glass children. When this experience is talked about, it’s typically in ways that sterilize the reality of glass children.
I felt like I always had to have everything figured out, and I got stuck in perfectionism really quickly. This, coupled with the immense pressure I felt to never say no, created the perfect environment for a crash and burn. When I felt like I couldn’t live up to mine and my family’s expectations, I lost my sense of self. I did not know who I was outside of being helpful and taking on responsibilities that never should have belonged to me, especially at 17 years old.
Affected in College
When I got to college, I started drinking heavily to numb my feelings of inadequacy. I felt like being away from home meant that I wasn’t showing up for my family – whenever my sibling was struggling, I told myself that it was my fault for not answering my phone during a lecture or for picking up an extra shift at work and not visiting that weekend.
My grades slipped, I lost my spot in the Honors Program, I found out I wasn’t going to graduate on time, I lost a lot of friends, and I eventually didn’t even recognize myself. I was stuck in a metaphorical revolving door of going to work, going to class, going to my second job, drinking to stop feeling, sleeping for a few hours, then waking up and doing it all over again.
It took more than I’d like to admit for me to stop self destructing. I was lucky; there were people in my life who saw what was happening. And they showed up. They were firm, but patient and understanding. I couldn’t get away with saying “I’m fine” anymore. Fine is the suckiest word anyways.
Now…
Now, my life looks a lot different. In 2020, I wrote and facilitated workshops about queer and trans identities, history, and allyship – which gave me the opportunity to lean into my desire to share my story and use it to educate folks. I started working as a peer support specialist for TurningPointCT a year ago, and it’s been one of the most rewarding experiences I’ve had. Not only am I doing work that’s meaningful and purposeful, but I’ve also gotten to connect with some of the most incredible people I’ve ever met. This work has led me to advocacy in ways that feel so affirming. I’m growing into the adult that my younger self didn’t get to see – a queer, trans person who is not just surviving.
As I continue to learn and grow and change – I am moving towards cultivating more care in my community. I am stepping into fully showing up. More often, my yes’s no longer have silent no’s attached to them. I’m finding ways to make time for fun – to play and create and explore without pressure or expectation. I’m learning to take more breaks and more deep breaths. Curiosity is now my starting place on every map – because I know that if I can get to curious, I can get to possibilities. When I start from fear, resentment, frustration, and judgment – there’s no room for those possibilities to exist.
How did we get here?
Gratitude and grief are two staples of my journey thus far. I know that I will have both in my life. Sometimes they’ll ebb and flow, sometimes they’ll come at the same time. I’m learning how to make space for both to exist both within myself and others.
It took time to re-orient my outlook on empathy, sharing, and generosity. I’d gotten so used to ignoring my needs and self sacrificing that it prevented me from understanding that practicing these skills did not have to come at the expense of myself. I truly believed that I existed for the purpose of making other peoples’ lives easier – and I grew more and more resentful each time I ignored my own capacity in order to help someone else. I didn’t realize that this resentment wasn’t actually anger at the people I was helping – it was a deep sadness that nobody was doing that for me. That understanding unlocked so much for me. It was like an invitation to listen to myself and honor what my mind and body were saying. I could be helpful and generous in ways that felt authentic. Why hadn’t anyone told me?!
Vulnerability was, and sometimes still is, a really hard sell. How could I be vulnerable when I had to have everything figured out? When I had to be responsible and resourceful and independent and needless? Yeah, I would sometimes tell my friends that I was having a hard time – but I wouldn’t let them show up for me in those moments. I was so afraid for people to see what was truly happening that I clammed up and shut down and changed the subject anytime someone got anywhere close to uncovering a piece of the truth. I couldn’t even be honest with myself – how could I be honest with other people?
The Beginning of Vulnerability
Well the thing about the truth is, I could only run away from it for so long. My favorite professor caught on real quick – and he was not going to let me weasel my way out of a conversation during office hours. I sat down absolutely determined to say as little as possible and get out of there as fast as possible. He asked me “What’s going on?” followed by “tell me the truth, so we can figure this out together”.
What followed was vulnerability and radical honesty that I hadn’t been able to access before. He gave me a place to put it all down – all of the guilt and shame and fear I had been carrying. It felt like I took my first full breath in months – maybe years. I was finally able to let go of some of the perfectionism I had been clinging to so tightly. Suddenly I was a human being, not a human doing. Wild, I know. It made room for something else… making mistakes, messing up, and taking accountability.
This was a tough one. My perfectionism created one heck of a shame gremlin, and that shame gremlin could get real mean real quick. When the shame gremlin was loud, my outward defensiveness and justification of my actions followed in short order. I made excuses and explained myself to the point where I couldn’t hear what others were telling me – that I had hurt their feelings or broken their trust. I didn’t know how else to respond when I had caused harm. Nobody had ever shown me what taking accountability looks like. I had gotten so used to being blamed and shamed for making mistakes – and told that it was a reflection of me as a person – that I didn’t know anything other than defending myself.
Seeing Clearly
When I started loosening my grip on perfectionism – it created space for me to listen to what others were saying to me. “You haven’t been answering my texts and I’m feeling like you don’t value our friendship” “You said you’d come to my concert, but you didn’t show and it hurt my feelings”
Now I can see that those were invitations to show up to my relationships – not criticisms of my character. Huh. Wild concept.
I’m no longer afraid to have those conversations. I understand that Accountability is the practice that allows us to move through the world knowing that if we make a mistake that causes harm, we have the tools and skills to repair that harm and restore trust in the relationship. And that feels a lot better than, well, whatever I was doing before.
How I built my community
There’s no right way to build community. But since my name means wisdom, I figured it wouldn’t be a bad idea to impart some. These are some of the things I’ve done to grow and sustain my community.
Joining grassroots organizations as an educator & facilitator
Becoming a peer support specialist & sharing my story
Being intentional & honoring my capacity
Volunteering and mentoring young people
Attending community events
Reaching out and expressing gratitude and support for people in my life
Spending time in and caring for third spaces (third spaces are the places that are not home and not work/school, but a familiar public spot where you can regularly connect with others over a shared interest or activity. It could be a park, a yoga studio, a coffee shop, a concert venue… you get the idea. When I say caring for third spaces, I mean taking the time to leave these spaces better than you found them – whether that’s picking up litter in the park, pushing in chairs on your way out of the coffee shop – taking the time to care for these spaces, especially as there are fewer and fewer of them, is crucial for community building.
Take what resonates, leave what doesn’t.
Oh how things change
Reflecting on where I was at the beginning of this story, I can honestly say that I felt so disconnected from hope. I really didn’t believe that I could ever feel differently. Hope was for people with purpose – not boundaries doormats afraid of ever messing up.
Well – obviously something changed. Actually, a lot of things changed. A lot of old parts of me had to step back so I could nurture new parts – my vulnerable part, my accountable part, my curious part, my grateful part… they all wanted a seat at the table.
So I made room. I thanked the old parts of me for keeping me safe, for getting me this far – and I excused them from the table. I’d like to think they all went to take naps. I mean, what perfectionist/overachiever doesn’t need rest?
Doing this allowed me to connect more deeply with the people in my life and the people I had yet to meet. And in these deeper connections, a chosen family, a community, a network of mutual care, a sense of belonging grew in ways I never thought possible.
And it’s because of my community, my chosen family, my people – that I’m here.
Join Rise Be 2025 Emerging Adult Leadership Summit!
Join Rise Be is running an Emerging Adult Leadership Summit in 2025! It is free and open to folks 18 to 29 years of age.
WHEN: Friday, January 31st, 10 AM – 3 PM
WHERE: The Chrysalis Center – 255 Homestead Ave, Hartford, CT
Fun fact: earlier this year, our Peer Support Specialist, Quinn, was a keynote speaker at Join Rise Be’s Young Adult Leadership Summit. During their presentation, they spoke about how building a community got them to where they are now. Check out highlights from their presentation HERE!
Winter is upon us! As the weather gets colder, many activities have to move indoors. Check out our self-care tips for the winter season!
Read a Book
Since we will have to spend more time indoors during winters, one thing you can you is catch up on reading. Reading can help get your creative juices flowing as you immerse yourself into the story you are following.
Bundle Up
When going outdoors, it is important to dress appropriately for the weather. You don’t want to get sick!
Just recently, I went for a walk, and underestimated the weather. While I was wearing jeans and a hoodie, it wasn’t enough; I was quite cold.
Grab, your jacket, hat, and gloves, and you’ll be even more prepared for the extra cool air.
Hot Cocoa
The oldest tradition in the book! Make yourself a nice, hot cup of cocoa, and sip away. If you like marshmallows, throw some in the cup for extra flavor!
Send a Card
Some people get very lonely when the cold season traps them inside. Send a card to a loved one to let them know you’re thinking of them!
Fireplace
After making yourself a cup of hot cocoa, sit by the fireplace for extra warmth. If you don’t have a fireplace in your house, crank up your heaters. Not too much, though, to avoid a high electric bill lol. Another alternative is taking a warm or hot shower.
Movie Night
Finally, get cozy and watch your favorite movies. If you can’t make it to a theater, streaming services have a plethora of films you can check out. If you don’t stream, YouTube is a great alternative!
NAMI CT Friendsgiving Event!
The NAMI Connecticut Young Adult Connection Community is having their annual friendsgiving event! If you are 18 to 35 years old looking to connect with others, this event is for you!
WHERE: Free Center in Middletown, CT
WHEN: November 23rd from 12 PM to 3 PM
The event is free, but RSVP is required to estimate ordering food and supplies. Please email Torry at tberard@namict.org with questions.
It finally happened; I was involved in my first car accident. The dreaded event happened on the highway while I was traveling to meet up with some friends. An almost fun time turned into a day full of trauma.
The Car Accident
Basically, whoever was at the front of the lane I was in slammed on their brakes, causing a chain reaction of brake slamming. Unfortunately I wasn’t able to stop in time because of this, resulting in a collision. I wasn’t following them closely as I always try to keep as much space in between cars as possible. It was simply the unexpectedness of it and my reaction time not being good enough. Even though it happened within seconds, time seemed to slow down as my car got closer to theirs. I felt my life flash before my eyes.
After the impact, I had a plethora of thoughts as I tried to collect myself enough to move into the breakdown lane. My first thought was how much stress this would cause my mom. She already has way too much stress on her plate, and now this situation is going to add more. Then I thought about the other driver, hoping they were okay. Lastly, I feared that I would get arrested.
I called my mom, sobbing, and told her what happened. Even though I kept apologizing, her sole focus was making sure I was okay and guiding me through the situation. Police then arrived and escorted myself and the other driver to a parking lot off the highway. We were fortunately right next to an exit, so little driving was needed. I gave them the necessary information and waited while they ran it. I was still having an emotional breakdown while also still being on the phone with my mom.
The other driver seemed okay, and we were both cleared to go home. I stayed in the parking lot for a while longer as I wasn’t yet ready to drive again. Eventually I was able to drive home despite not being okay emotionally.
Scary & Annoying
It was both a scary and annoying life event. I had just started feeling 100% comfortable with driving on the highway. As comfortable as someone can be with all the craziness that can happen. It took a long time to build my confidence behind the wheel, and now it would come to a halt. Fortunately, though, it didn’t do too much damage to my self esteem. I was back on the road within a week or two. However, I haven’t been back on that same route yet, but I’m hoping to overcome that fear soon.
The Aftermath
Due to the accident, my mom and I had to say goodbye to our 2006 Toyota Highlander. Initially, the only visible damage appeared to be on the front bumper, but there was also interior damage to the engine. This resulted in the car being considered a total loss. I think the age of the car played a factor, though. If it wasn’t so old, the mechanics may have felt that it would have been worth it to do repairs.
Despite being an older car, it still served us very well. There were things that needed to be fixed every now and then of course. Regardless, it probably could have lasted us several more years. Therefore, it was a hard goodbye. Not only was it my mom’s favorite car, but it was also in the majority of my life.
We used a modern rental car for a couple of weeks, and it was a huge transition. The upgraded technology was annoying to get used to, which I feel old saying lol. The only good thing about it was that it prepared us for the new car we now have, which is the same model, just a different year.
Please remain vigilant on the road at all times! I don’t want any of you to experience what I went through! ~ T
CMHA – Employment Specialist
CMHA is looking to hire a Employment Specialist for our New Britain location.
Why CMHA?
As a 2022 Hartford Courant Top Workplace and one of the largest behavioral health care providers in Connecticut, we have 40 years of experience in delivering mental health and addiction services to over 7,300 children, adolescents, and adults annually.
Internal mobility is a focus at CMHA with 6 members of our leadership team growing from individual contributors to Senior Leaders.
Position Summary
The Employment Specialist primary responsibility to collaborate with assigned caseload of clients with prolonged mental and/or co-occurring illnesses to develop psychiatric rehabilitation goals to assist them to live, work and be independent in the community. Acts as liaison and broker, advocating with employers and other employment services to meet the full range of client employment needs.
Assist the client in securing desired employment that supports their individual recovery plans.
Assures timely documentation is maintained in accordance with CMHA policies and procedures, including but not limited to progress notes, treatment plans, authorizations, program orientation, and consent to treat, activity logs, and monthly targeted case management notes.
Executes a minimum of six potential employer contacts per week.
Assists clients in preparing themselves for the workplace.
Assist the client in securing desired employment that supports their individual recovery plans.
Requirements
Certified in PMT training, First Aid, and CPR.
Valid DMV License.
High School Diploma.
2 years of experience as an employment specialist.
Preferred Qualifications
B.S. Degree in a mental health related field.
Bilingual in Spanish.
COMPENSATION RANGE- $20-$29 an hour
Starting salary will be determined based on relevant years of experience
Click HERE to learn more about the Employment Specialist position and to apply!
CMHA (Community Mental Health Affiliates) is looking to hire a Peer Navigator for the CT Stay Strong Team.
Why CMHA?
As a 2022 Hartford Courant Top Workplace and one of the largest behavioral health care providers in Connecticut, we have 40 years of experience in delivering mental health and addiction services to over 7,300 children, adolescents, and adults annually.
Internal mobility is a focus at CMHA with 6 members of our leadership team growing from individual contributors to Senior Leaders.
Summary
The Peer Navigator provides initial and ongoing outreach and support to potential and current clients. They support, teach, advocate and empower individuals with behavioral health and Substance use disorders; which includes developing person centered recovery goals. Liaison with local emergency rooms, detox centers and treatment facilities. They engage in traditional and recovery oriented systems navigation, coordination of services, skill building and eliminating any barriers to care. The goal is to empower and educate clients to rediscover their ability to pursue and achieve a higher quality of life that allows them to prosper in the community.
Responsibilities
Shares relevant personal recovery experience to provide hope and empowerment to encourage and facilitate change within clients using individual and group modalities including 12 step groups.
Facilitates client support groups.
Create recovery oriented rapport with individuals with mental health or co-occurring disorders and connects them to wrap around services.
Actively participates in community meetings to advocate for client and to ensure the provision of integrated care.
Coaches and provides supervision/direction with daily challenges such as personal hygiene, nutrition, housekeeping, personal budget and household management.
Collaborates with care team on client engagement and treatment recommendations.
Provides encouragement and recovery knowledge to family members/natural supports.
Carries a caseload based on program need.
Ensures timely documentation is maintained in accordance with CMHA policies and procedures.
Performs other related duties as assigned.
Preferred Experience:
Community work setting
Young Adult Target Population (ages 18-25)
Human Services/related field of study or experience
Compensation: $18.00 – $22.00 per hour Starting salary will be determined based on relevant years of experience
Last week, we participated in Fresh Check Day at CT State Norwalk! It was great to meet all the amazing students who stopped by our table.
Our activity at Fresh Check Day was called “I am… but I am not”. This activity is all about breaking the stigma around stereotypes. Students wrote “I am [ethnicity, gender, or other], but I am not [stereotype]” on a piece of paper and stuck it on the board. Check out the board below!
But wait, there’s more! Check out Therell, our Social Media Lead, and Quinn, our Peer Support Specialist, posing with the board!
QuinnTherell
My Semicolon
A semicolon is used when an author could have chosen to end their sentence, but chose not to. The author is you and the sentence is your life.
High School
People say your high school years are some of the best years of your life. They are filled with Friday night football games, junior prom, and pep rallies – core memories that are made during this time. My high school years, however, were some of the worst years. Instead of making lifelong memories with friends, I was held hostage to my bed, plagued with intense depression and anxiety.
I didn’t leave the house much in high school. I spent 4 years completing school online, barely getting by. Some days were extremely dark; I couldn’t speak to anyone, couldn’t eat, and couldn’t imagine waking up the next day to the life I was living. Thankfully, I found help and began therapy. I would be lying if I said my first counseling sessions were productive. In reality, I spent the first few hour sessions crying, unable to get a word out. Very slowly, I gained the strength to open up to my therapist. I began to put in the work to take back control of my life. The work I have done in therapy was hard and long, and even still today, ongoing.
Today
If you told 16 year old me, the girl who didn’t want to keep living, who missed out on high school because of her mental health – that I am thriving in college, she would not believe you. Sometimes it is still difficult for me to recognize and celebrate the many accomplishments I’ve gathered since that extremely dark time in my life. But I am being mindful to self-reflect and recognize how much progress I have made every single day.
Being on the other side of the couch has truly brought things into perspective. When I entered the role of Marketing Intern at Positive Directions, I felt so many emotions that are still difficult for me to put into words; bittersweet and proud come to mind. Being in the counseling environment as an employee and not a client is a feeling I can’t describe. I feel so incredibly lucky to have this opportunity.
Looking Back
Looking back, I can now say that I don’t recognize high school me. But I am grateful for her, and immensely proud of her; I would not change a thing. She gave me the passion and drive to one day pursue a career where I have the ability to help people, exactly like I was helped.
This is your sign to keep going and to stay alive. There is a light at the end of the tunnel; I know because I’ve reached it.
A semicolon is used when an author could have chosen to end their sentence, but chose not to. The author is you and the sentence is your life.
~ Juliana
A Sneak Peek At Our New Discord Server!
As you may have seen in a previous post, we are launching a new Discord server soon! The Discord server is part of our transition into the Connecticut Support Group. Our transition has a large focus on community and peer support, so it only made sense to incorporate Discord!
We wanted to give you all sneak peek at some of the channels that will be in our Discord server! Check out the Reel below for a little sneak peek!
As seen in the video, we will have a general chat, a humor chat, and a creative expressions chat.
General: The main channel where most of the casual conversations will be happening.
Introductions: In this channel, you can tell us a little about yourself; preferred name, hobbies, etc!
Humor: The channel where you can share your funniest memes to give each other a laugh.
Creative Expressions: Just like the section on our website, this channel is where you can share your music, video, poems, writing, paintings, or other art pieces you made.
As we get closer to a full transition, our excitement grows to share all of these awesome things with you! Stay tuned for updates!
~ The TurningPointCT Team 🧡🩷🩵
Current Mental Health Status: Less Than Ideal
I’m going to be honest, I’ve been having a really hard time with my mental health lately. If I had to guess, a lot of it has to do with the fact that I started a new job. I’ve previously talked about how I kind of feel like I’m stuck in the rat race of life. While my mental health at my old job was definitely less than ideal due to not being paid a livable wage, I genuinely enjoyed what I was doing. I spent all day listening to audiobooks and getting paid. The other bonus: it was mostly remote (4 days at home, one day in the office during the week).
While I make significantly more now, I find that my mental health is suffering for other reasons. Not only has it been a huge adjustment due to switching to a completely different type of company, but the material I’m reading is much less fun. And, up until recently, I was in the office 5 days a week. Thankfully, I’m now able to work at home two days a week. But, that only helps so much. Oh, and I should also mention that while I do make a lot more, I’m now in a new tax bracket and it doesn’t really feel like I make that much more. I still feel very poor.
The Not So Nice Feelings
I’ve been dealing with a lot of anxiety, which is not unusual for me, but it has definitely been heightened. I’ve pretty much just been in survival mode. It sounds really dramatic, but let’s be honest, the anxious brain can be VERY dramatic. I also have not been sleeping well and I once woke up at 6:30am on weekend panicked that I slept through my alarm and missed work. The lack of sleep is definitely not helping my mental health.
On top of anxiety, I’ve also been dealing with depression, which is honestly something that I have not dealt with in quite some time. I’ve just been feeling so defeated and hopeless. Honestly, I’ve been so down that I totally forgot that I have a super exciting vacation to Canada coming up. It’s also been bad enough that I haven’t really been leaving the house or even keeping up with my typical schedule for tidying up the house.
I think what’s worse is the fact that I’m beating myself up for feeling this way because I know I SHOULD feel really thankful that I was able to get a new job that pays me well, has great benefits, has super nice people, and that’s actually close to home. But, I just honestly feel so unfulfilled. If I had it my way, I’d find my way back into the mental health field in some way, but I just haven’t seen any opportunities to get back in. I’ve thought about going back to audiobooks, but I just know financially, it’s not the right move. However, I will probably freelance for my old job in the future. I really do miss having set aside time to read books, and getting paid for it wasn’t so bad either.
The ONLY positive (and I use this term very lightly) outcome of these negative emotions being heightened is the fact that my sense of humor has gotten a lot darker than it already was. I’ve definitely been turning to absolutely unhinged memes during my doom scrolls. They only get shared to my close friends as to not worry my family LOL. Although, it’s concerning overall that there are so many to choose from and that they all have so many likes and shares. It really gives a good, but sad, insight into just how poorly many of us are doing.
One of the more ~tame~ memes from my archive.
Trying To Help Myself
The first month of this mental health decline was pretty rough. However, a couple weeks ago, I finally pushed myself to leave the house for something other than work or the grocery store (even if it was a bit of a struggle). I decided I really wanted to go on a day trip a couple hours from home. I used to day trip ALL THE TIME, but I didn’t have the confidence to go as far as I would have in the past.
After hours of searching on Google Maps, and getting so overwhelmed that I almost chose to just stay home, I decided to go to the northwest corner of Connecticut and then briefly over the border into New York. The trip was just what I needed to prove to myself that I am capable of going out on my own to explore just like I used to.
Picture from the brief New York portion of that trip.
Since then, I’ve gotten myself back into the day trips. I’ve gone to Rhode Island, Massachusetts, and lots of trips to the Quiet Corner of Connecticut (current obsession). There are still a lot of days where I question whether I’m up for the trips, but I give myself the little push because I know once I go and do the things, I’ll be super happy that I did. I’ve actually been doing a lot of Walktober Events from the Last Green Valley and that’s something I would not have done in the past. I always prefer to go do things by myself away from people, but I’ve decided that I really want to experience these things.
While my mental health has absolutely been less than ideal, I’m hoping with time, it will continue to improve. I’m also really hoping that the fact that it’s now Fall will help a bit. Fall is my favorite season and I also really like the holidays that come after it. Lastly, I’m trying to remind myself that this season of life that I’m in is not forever…even if I feel like I’m trapped and drowning in the moment.
-Kailey
Fall Is Here 🍂
Fall is here! Scary movies, cooler weather, and pumpkin spice lattes are upon us.
Fall is my favorite season, mostly due to the average temperature. It isn’t hot anymore like in the summer, and it isn’t super cold yet like it is in the winter. I feel most comfortable in the cooler than hot atmosphere. Also, Halloween gives me an excuse to eat my favorite candy without having to feel bad about it, lol.
After sharing several videos of advice from other students, I wanted to offer my own advice that will apply to any student, no matter what grade you’re in. College students too! My pieces of advice comes from things that I wish I did more when I was in school.
1. Study
I think it is extremely important to set aside some time to study for your classes. Not only that, but not saving your homework for the last minute.
In both high school and college, studying was a rare occasion for me. So much so, that I failed some classes and had to retake them (college) or move to a lower level of the subject (high school). My time in school would have gone so much more smoothly if I studied more.
Do your homework! Please do not save it for later. Your life will be so much easier if you complete it sooner rather than later. That 11:59 PM deadline is a real killer.
2. Get Enough Sleep
Do not follow in my footsteps of going to bed late on a school night. If you have to wake up early to get to school on time, you will be miserable if you go to bed late. One night in high school, I remember going to bed at 2 AM and waking up at 6 AM for the next school day. I’m not sure how I made it through the day; it was definitely extremely difficult.
I would recommend going to bed by 11 PM the latest if you have to get up at 5 or 6 AM. Had I done that more, getting through the school day would have been so much easier.
3. Join Clubs
I’ve had social anxiety all my life. It has kept me from doing a lot of things that I’m sure would have helped me feel less lonely. Joining school clubs is something my social anxiety prevented me from doing. I wish I had been more capable of pushing myself to defeat my social anxiety in those moments.
In middle school, I actually did manage to participate in after school activities, but conflicts with other students killed my most of my motivation to continue doing that in high school. In my sophomore year of high school, I only joined one club and I was the only student who consistently went. By college, I refused to join any clubs, despite being invited to a few.
4. Prepare The Night Before
As mentioned above, I would often go to bed very late, therefore making me slower in the morning. The misery was heightened by having to get everything ready for the day. Things like packing my bag with my folders, getting a lunch together, and picking out an outfit could have been done the night before.
Doing these things the night before would have saved me so much time in the morning. Heck, even taking a shower the previous night would have saved me like 30 minutes since I wouldn’t have spend time drying off and stuff.
The moral of the story is: DON’T MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES I DID! 😂
~ T
“Be Honest With Your Parents”
Check out the Teen Awareness Group’s final piece of advice for incoming high school freshmen: “Be honest with your parents”.
Don’t Be A Bully Month was in August, but the overall idea applies all year ’round. As a new school year kicks off, let us remind each other to a be a friend, and not a bully. Bullying is not okay; we need to lift each other up and not put each other down.
Every day we are given various tasks to complete whether that be at work, home, school, etc. We all have schedules that we have to follow but what people are often lacking despite having a schedule is having a routine. Routines are practices that we regularly follow and can set in place for ourselves rather than the schedules we conform to every day.
Routines are really important because they help reduce stress and the uncertainty that we may face during the day. Having practices that we do every day allows for more feelings of control and security rather than waiting for the unexpected. Here are some ways that you can incorporate routines into your life.
Meals
Meal prepping or writing out a meal planning calendar can be very beneficial in establishing a routine and diminishing the stress of what to buy at the grocery store and what to eat each day. Meal prepping is a really great way to do this especially if you are on the go. Planning also allows you to make healthier choices because you won’t have to make quick decisions and you will already have the ingredients to make a meal rather than go out to eat.
Sleep
Having a wind-down routine can greatly improve your quality of sleep which in turn reduces stress levels. Creating a routine that sets your space up for sleep will allow you to start to calm down before bed and signal to your brain that you need to go to sleep. Some different things that you can incorporate into your nightly activities are reading a book, creating a skincare routine, drinking calming tea, and reducing screen time.
Mornings
The morning is such a crucial time of day because your mornings set you up for the rest of the day. Having a good morning routine will allow you to start your day on the right foot and bring you into the rest of your day with calm energy. Different practices that you can add to your morning to create a routine are doing a workout or stretching, meditating, getting fresh air, and journaling.
The mental health benefits of routine can apply to everyone, but specifically, people going through addiction recovery can greatly benefit from having a routine. Planning allows people to feel more in control and slow down the decision-making process. Routines allow us to fill our day with productive thoughts and actions which allow for fewer stressors, preventing a potential relapse.
Creating routines that work for you is the first step to establishing this new practice. There are many different ways to create routines and ways that you can help yourself stick to them.
Write them down
Writing out your routines can hold you accountable and allow you to see where they fit into your current daily schedule and tasks. Some different ways to do this could be getting an hourly planner that allows you to write out your day or make a to-do list of the different things you want to incorporate into your daily routine.
Create manageable routines
Routines are only beneficial if they make sense for you. If the mornings are super busy, then make a small list of things that you can do in the morning. This can be as simple as writing out the order in which you would like to do your current tasks like brushing your teeth, then making breakfast, then getting dressed. This will allow you to have the order of your routine consistent without adding anything new.
Making small changes
Fully changing the way you currently do things can be very overwhelming if you want to add and change your current routine. Start with small changes and slowly incorporate all the different things you want to change in your day. For example, if you want to change your nightly routine to minimize screen time and prioritize winding down, do not fully change the way you go to bed now. Start with dimming your lighting earlier in the night and decreasing your screen time from an hour to thirty minutes. Small changes are sustainable and lead to big differences over time.
Prioritizing our mental health is so important and a great way to do this is through establishing routines. Determine what you want your routine to be, make changes if necessary, start slow, and you will be on your way to having a more calm and consistent day.
~ Alexa S.
International Overdose Awareness Day
August 31st is International Overdose Awareness Day. This year, there are several events throughout Connecticut to remember without stigma those who have died, to acknowledge the grief of family and friends left behind, and to offer resources and support. This year’s theme is “Together We Can” to highlight the power of community connection and collaboration in preventing and ending overdose.
Overdose deaths are preventable. We know that criminalizing drug use hasn’t worked. More compassionate alternatives are necessary – including harm reduction approaches, more access to recovery support and recovery coaching, and more widely available access to and education for overdose reversal medications like Naloxone.
If you or someone you know is looking for support, reach out to our Peer Support Specialist, Quinn at qjannetty@positivedirections.org. They are available to offer 1:1 peer support, answer questions about resources, and connect folks to communities and support groups.
September Topics 2024
Check out our flyer below to see our ideas for content in September 2024! Topics include Suicide Prevention Awareness, 9/11, Hispanic Heritage, and more.
DM us on Instagram or email us at turningpointct@positivedirections.org if you would like to share a blog post, video, or art around any of the topics below! If you want to share content around something else, you are totally free to do so!
Back to school can be a very stressful time. As a student, it can be very overwhelming to have new classes, teachers, classmates, and more. It is an adjustment to begin a new school year even if you are in the same school with the same people year after year. It is important to set yourself up for success at the beginning of the school year and push through the challenges that come with starting a new year. Although the start of the school year can be nerve-wracking it can also be new and exciting. Students have the opportunity to make new friends, learn from new teachers about new topics, and start fresh. Navigating this change brings up so many different feelings, so here are some different ways to manage the start of a new school year.
1. Planning/Organizing
Preparing for the start of a new school year will allow you to go into the year organized and ready. Some different ways to do this are to get a planner and start filling in the planner with information from your syllabi. In addition to having a planner, it can be very useful to color code your subjects. For example, you can make your notebook and folder for science the color green and when you are adding science assignments to the planner, also write that in green. This can help coordinate your subjects and keep everything consistent.
2. Keep an open mind
When starting a new school year it can be easy to find yourself wishing for familiarity and consistency. Remind yourself that you were in this same position last year and were able to adjust. Keep an open mind about new teachers, classmates, and class subjects. Allowing things to come to you as they are without preconceived notions will give you a positive experience and an easy transition.
3. Remain confident
Everyone walks into the wrong class on the first day. It is normal to get lost or confused in the first couple of weeks of school. Classes are harder and that comes with uncertainty. In these moments remain confident and continue to push through. It takes time to achieve success and staying strong will help you to accomplish all your goals. Always remember to be kind to yourself and remember that adjustment is temporary and shortly routines will be established.
4. Ask for help
Asking for help is so important during times of transition. Seeking support gives us strength and allows us to feel less alone. Ask for guidance whether that be from a teacher, classmate, parent, or a professional. Talking through difficult situations and gaining skills equips you to deal with future challenges and make future transitions easier.
~ Alexa
My First Time In Canada
An Easy Flight
I recently went to Canada for the first time to visit some friends. Not only was it my first time in Canada, it was also my first time outside of the US. Plus, it was my first time traveling alone by airplane. I don’t often use public transportation anymore, and being in an airport reminded me why. Many people would cough without covering their mouth, which was very frustrating. We spent several years dealing with a deadly virus, and a lot of folks seem to have forgotten that.
Nonetheless, I was surprisingly not very anxious during the plane ride to Canada. I did take some dramamine beforehand, and I also fell asleep on the plane. I don’t really think those were contributing factors to my fortunate lack of anxiety though. It could have been that the plane ride was only about an hour long, but I don’t really know.
Brampton & Toronto
My time in Canada definitely left me with a desire to go back at some point. While there for a week, my Canadian friend(s) took me to a mall in their town, downtown Toronto, and finally Niagara Falls.
Rose Theater in Brampton
The mall in their town was a lot more active than the malls here in Connecticut. Not only was it more active, it also seemed cleaner. Nearby was a purely vegan restaurant which was a jackpot since I am vegan. The food there was scrumptious. There was another vegan spot in the area that I ordered from too, but I definitely liked the place first more.
We went to downtown Toronto twice, and mostly walked around so they could show me different things. A couple of landmarks I saw were the CN tower and the Toronto sign. Because of how late we got there both nights, there was hardly enough time to do much else. At least I know a few places I’d like to check out again the next time I’m able to go to Toronto. Since Toronto is Drake’s territory, I also shouted “not like us” and “Kendrick is better” just for fun, but my trolling was drowned out by everything else going on.
My Friends Had Me Pose Like Drake
My Last Day
On my last full day in Canada, my friend, whose place I was staying at, and I went to Niagara Falls. Seeing The Falls was the one thing I most wanted to do. This turned into one of the most interesting days I’ve ever experienced though.
Confronted By Mall Security
Firstly, we had to take several buses as trains were scarce due to a Canadian holiday. After the second or so bus, we stopped by a mall for a bathroom break, and so my friend could charge her phone. We went to the food court where my friend used an outlet behind an unplugged ATM to charge her phone. Mall security confronted us and accused my friend of unplugging the ATM, which she didn’t do. They sent us to a secluded hallway next to the food court that had an outlet my friend could use.
More mall security arrived and were pointing and looking at us while talking into their walkie talkies. They didn’t tell us we had to wait there, but my spidey senses told old me we should stay just in case. I was worried they would follow us if we left. Not only that, but I was in a foreign country and have a darker complexion so who knows what could have happened.
Finally the original mall cop came over and warned my friend not to use that outlet ever again after saying he wasn’t able to determine what really happened from camera footage. She offered to give him her contact information, but he declined, so we went on our way.
Niagara Falls – Canada Side
Skipping forward, we finally get to the falls around 6 PM after four long hours of traveling. The Falls itself was very breathtaking. It wasn’t sunny, but it still looked cool. I was okay with mist from the falls getting on me since it was muggy out. After looking at the falls and taking a plethora of pictures, we went to the entertainment strip to ride on the ferris wheel and walk through a mirror maze. Both activities were a blast.
One of many pics I took at Niagara Falls
I wanted to do so many more activities at The Falls. Unfortunately, we weren’t able to because of how late in the day we arrived there. At 10 PM, we had to leave to catch multiple buses back to my friend’s house. The journey back to her house took just as long as the journey to Niagara; we got home at like 2 or 3 AM.
Leaving Canada
While I enjoyed sightseeing in Canada, I was homesick by the end of my stay so I was ready to go home and see my mom and my cat. However, what would have been three or four hours of traveling back home ended up being nine hours.
When planning my flights, I chose a 1 stop flight plan for coming home as the departure time was more convenient. This turned out to be a mistake since the second flight from Washington D.C. was delayed multiple times. At first, maintenance issues with the plane were causing delays. Then, there were worries about the tropical storm. As time went on, I wished I had just chosen the nonstop flight, even though it was at 8 in the morning.
I finally got back to Connecticut at like 9pm and my mom picked me up. I was very glad to see her and my cat again, and to be back in a familiar environment at home. When, I got home, I remember hugging my bed before the night ended lol.
So overall, my experience in Canada was average. It was cool to visit another country for the first time, but a lot happened that prevented the trip from being more enjoyable. I talked about some of those things in previous paragraphs, but there’s a large factor that I don’t feel comfortable sharing currently. I hope the next time I’m fortunate enough to go, I’ll have a lot more fun.
Phoebe’s Advice To High School Freshmen
Check out advice from Phoebe to incoming high school freshmen.
Our surroundings profoundly impact our mental health. Various environmental factors, from socioeconomic conditions to the presence of nature, can influence anxiety levels. Understanding these influences is essential to managing and improving mental well-being.
The Impact of Socioeconomic Conditions on Anxiety
Socioeconomic status plays a significant role in mental health. People living in low socioeconomic conditions often face chronic stress due to financial instability, lack of access to quality healthcare, and unsafe living environments. These stressors can increase anxiety levels.
Financial Instability and Chronic Stress
Financial instability creates a constant state of worry about meeting basic needs such as food, shelter, and healthcare. This persistent uncertainty can lead to chronic anxiety, making it difficult for individuals to focus on other aspects of life. The stress of financial strain can also exacerbate physical health problems, further increasing anxiety.
Limited Access to Healthcare
Inadequate access to healthcare means that mental health issues often go untreated, exacerbating anxiety and other mental health disorders. People in low socioeconomic conditions may not have the resources to seek professional help, leading to prolonged suffering and worsening symptoms.
Unsafe Living Environments
Unsafe living environments, characterized by high crime rates and poor housing conditions, also contribute to heightened anxiety. The fear of personal safety and the stress of living in substandard conditions can perpetuate a cycle of anxiety and depression. Constant vigilance and the inability to relax in one’s own home significantly impact mental health.
Addressing these issues through targeted public health efforts, including initiatives led by MPH online Texas programs graduates and MS in Public Health graduates from Johns Hopkins University, can make a substantial difference. Regions with higher crime rates and poor infrastructure require focused interventions to improve living conditions and, consequently, mental health outcomes. Graduates from programs like the University of Melbourne’s Master of Public Health can also bring global perspectives to address these challenges effectively.
The Role of Nature in Reducing Anxiety
Nature has a remarkable ability to reduce anxiety. Studies have shown that spending time in natural settings, such as parks, forests, or near bodies of water, can significantly lower stress levels. Nature provides a calming effect, offering a respite from the hustle and bustle of urban life.
Green Spaces and Mental Health
Exposure to green spaces can lower levels of cortisol, the stress hormone, and improve mood. Activities such as walking, gardening, or simply sitting in a park can provide a sense of peace and relaxation. Green spaces promote physical activity and can improve overall mental health.
Urban Planning and Access to Nature
Incorporating nature into daily life, even in small ways, can profoundly affect mental well-being. Urban planners and policymakers are increasingly recognizing the importance of green spaces in cities, promoting mental health through accessible natural environments. Community gardens, rooftop parks, and tree-lined streets can enhance the quality of urban life.
Nature Therapy and Mindfulness
Practices such as nature therapy and mindfulness in natural settings can also reduce anxiety. Engaging in activities like forest bathing, where individuals immerse themselves in a forest environment, or practicing yoga in a park can help lower stress levels and promote relaxation.
Environmental Pollution and Anxiety
Pollution, both air and noise, has a detrimental impact on mental health. Exposure to high levels of air pollution can increase anxiety and depression. Pollutants can affect the brain’s chemistry, leading to heightened stress responses and anxiety.
Air Pollution and Mental Health
Air pollution can lead to inflammation and oxidative stress in the brain, contributing to anxiety. Chronic exposure to pollutants such as particulate matter and toxic gases can worsen mental health conditions, making it crucial to address environmental quality. Public health policies aimed at reducing air pollution can significantly benefit mental well-being.
Noise Pollution and Sleep Disruption
Noise pollution, common in urban areas, disrupts sleep and increases stress levels. Chronic exposure to noise, such as traffic or industrial sounds, can contribute to ongoing anxiety. The constant background noise creates a stressful environment, making it difficult for individuals to relax and unwind.
Reducing Pollution for Better Health
Efforts to reduce pollution and create quieter, cleaner living spaces can significantly improve mental health. Implementing green policies, promoting sustainable practices, and enhancing urban planning can help create healthier environments.
Social Environment and Community Support
The social environment, including relationships and community support, is crucial in managing anxiety. Strong social networks provide emotional support, reducing feelings of isolation and anxiety. Communities that foster connection and support can help individuals feel more secure and less anxious.
Importance of Social Networks
Strong social networks provide a buffer against stress. Having friends, family, and community members to rely on during tough times can alleviate anxiety and promote mental resilience. Positive social interactions and a sense of belonging are essential for mental health.
Impact of Social Isolation
Conversely, social isolation and lack of community support can increase anxiety levels. Loneliness and the absence of a supportive network can make it difficult to cope with stress, leading to heightened anxiety. Isolation can exacerbate feelings of helplessness and despair.
Building Supportive Communities
Building strong, supportive communities is vital for mental health and well-being. Initiatives such as community centers, support groups, and social events can foster connections and provide a safety net for individuals struggling with anxiety. Encouraging community involvement and volunteerism can also enhance social bonds and improve mental health.
Conclusion
Your environment significantly influences your anxiety levels. Factors such as socioeconomic conditions, access to nature, pollution, and social support all play a role in shaping mental health. By understanding these influences, you can improve your surroundings and promote better mental well-being. Creating supportive, clean, and nature-rich environments, alongside robust public health initiatives, can help reduce anxiety and enhance overall quality of life.
Written by Lily
Zach & Abby’s Advice To High School Freshmen
Check out more advice from Teen Awareness Group members Zach and Abby at Staples High School.
Happy August 2024! Check out our flyer below to see this month’s topic ideas! If you or other teens and young adults in Connecticut that you know are interesting in sharing content with us, DM us on Instagram or email us at turningpointct@positivedirections.org.
Friendly reminders:
Content is not limited to what is on the flyer.
Content can be new (a recent creation) or old (something you already made a while ago).
College life is all about balance. Balancing classes, social life, clubs, and spending time with friends. For me, the hardest thing to balance is being healthy. Healthy has a different meaning to everyone, but I tend to focus on eating/drinking, exercising, and mental health when thinking about my overall health. College has proved to be a challenge when trying to balance my life, especially these three different aspects. There are so many different things going on in our daily lives that make it hard to focus on all aspects of our health, so I am here to tell you the small things that I try to do to achieve this balance.
Balanced Meals
Eating a balanced diet is so important because we need to fuel our bodies with the proper foods to keep going throughout the day, but it is almost impossible to resist eating all of the amazing food around us. As I have been trying to navigate my diet in college, I have found a couple of ways that work for me in maintaining balance. First, I love going out to dinner and it is one of my favorite ways to treat myself and spend time with my friends.
Freshman and Sophomore year I really wanted a change of pace from the dining hall, and now that I am a Junior, I can get too lazy to cook some nights. When I don’t feel like cooking or I just want a change of pace, I go out and order what I want, simple as that. However, I do not make a habit of going out every night. I go out when I want or need to and try to pick a healthier option!
In addition, I love sweets and eating dessert after I make dinner. Something that I like to do is put chocolate on my fruit and freeze it. I also love the cookie brand Sweet Loren’s because they are gluten and dairy-free, have a lot less sugar, and clean ingredients. Creating and maintaining a balanced diet is hard and I am still trying to figure out different methods that work for me, but I have started feeling better physically and mentally as a result of small changes I have made in my diet.
Balancing Exercise
Exercising is crucial for college students because it not only strengthens our bodies but also improves our concentration and performance on assignments. I have found it very hard to make sure that I have time in my day to exercise because we have so many different responsibilities and sometimes exercising is put on the back burner. I find that the best way to get exercise is moving your body in a way that makes you happy, not that necessarily burns calories. If I am excited about exercising I am happy to make the time in my day.
My favorite way of exercising is walking. I think the best part about walking is getting to be outside and getting away from being in a classroom or the library. I love the change of scenery and getting to appreciate how beautiful nature is. Another way I like to work out is through workout videos. In my Freshman year of college, I was terrified of the gym. Although I warmed up to going to the gym and really like doing group fitness classes like cycling, I still like to do workout videos from the comfort of my room. My favorite workout platform is Peloton because I found that I like the classes, music, and instructors better than other things I have tried in the past, but there are so many different options online.
My suggestion is to try different things and see what works for you whether that be an app or a fitness instructor on YouTube. Working exercise into our daily schedules is so important and there are so many easy ways to get some sort of exercise every day, keeping us moving and healthy.
Mental Health Balance
Lastly, mental health is really important and often we forget about checking in with ourselves. Sometimes I feel like my schedule is in control of me rather than me controlling it, which leaves me with little time for myself. Although it is great to keep busy, it can get to be too much too quickly. I didn’t start to take time for myself until recently and I have noticed such an improvement in my mental health since.
Something that I love to do as I mentioned above is walking, and when I’m walking I always listen to my favorite podcast. This distracts me from thinking about all the tasks I have to do later, dwelling on drama, or how I should start studying for my next test. I forget about myself for a little bit and focus on what other people have to think and talk about.
Another thing that has made a difference in my mood is writing down three good things that happened to me that day before I go to bed. This can be as big as getting an A on a test, to as small as my coffee being particularly good that day. I end my day with positivity and reflecting on what has gone right for me in the last 24 hours rather than going to bed thinking about what went wrong. This has made me appreciate the little things in life and put me into a positive mindset.
These small changes that I have made in my life have improved my mental health and brought me into a happier state of mind.
Balance
Balance is hard to achieve in college, but with these changes I have made in my life, I hope you are able to see how small actions can lead to big changes. Creating changes in our physical and mental health will allow us to be better students and give us the motivation to do all the things that we need to get done in a day. As you progress through the semester, I hope you can take some of my tips and start to determine what works for you in achieving a balanced and healthy life in college.
– Alexa S.
Awareness in July
The month of July has a couple of awareness days that we want to highlight.
Check out a flashback flick below from Zach, a Teen Awareness Group member at Staples High School. He offers some advice to incoming high school freshmen!
As classes resume next month, we want to help you have a successful school year!
Welcome to summer! When we think of summer we often think about having a break and being able to relax from the pressure of daily life. Although that is true, it has also been found that cortisol, our stress hormone, is higher in the summer months than in the winter months. In the summer our daily schedules often change in addition to the added stressor of heat. This is why it is crucial to maintain our mental health in the summer months, and here are some ways that you can do that!
1. Exercise
Exercising is so important not only for physical health, but also for mental health too. Just 30 minutes of exercise a day can make such a large impact on stress and overall well being. The best exercises to do to lower cortisol levels are low impact workouts like walking, pilates, and yoga.
2. Go Outside
The best part of the summer is that we can finally get outside after being indoors in the winter. Being in green spaces greatly helps in lowering cortisol levels which is why it is so important to be in nature. A great activity to do is taking a walk in a park or on a trail which will really help in relaxing and decompressing.
3. Sleep
Summer is a great time to catch up on sleep because of the change in daily schedule and not having to wake up early for school. Not only does getting 7-9 hours of sleep lower cortisol levels, but creating an atmosphere and time to wind down before bed is crucial in lowering stress levels. The best way to do this is to limit screen time before bed and wind down by reading a book or doing self care activities like skin care and warm baths.
4. Do Things That Make You Happy
Having free time in the summer gives us an opportunity to do the different things that we can get too busy to do during the year. Spending time with friends and family, playing games, going on adventures, etc, all help in reducing stress and filling our days with fun rather than work.
5. Practice Mindfulness
Practicing mindfulness is a great way to reduce cortisol levels and manage everyday stressors. There are many different ways to practice mindfulness like journaling, mediation, and more. There are guided meditations online and on music platforms like Spotify and Apple music. If guided meditation is not for you, deep breathing is always a good practice that you can do anywhere at any time. A popular deep breathing exercise is 4-7-8 in which you breathe in for 4 seconds, hold for 7 seconds, and breathe out for 8 seconds.
6. Seek Professional Help If You Need
If you are experiencing anxiety, depression, or need to talk to someone, consider seeking professional help. Professionals will be able to help with navigating stressful situations and giving different techniques to help you manage whatever you are struggling with.
– Alexa S.
What’s Your 2024 Highlight So Far?
Somehow, the year is already halfway over! What’s been a highlight of your 2024 so far?
For me, I think driving a lot more, especially on major highways, is one of my highlights. A year ago, I wasn’t driving at all, so I’m glad I’ve improved in that area!
Check out our content themes for July 2024! Topics include, but are not limited to, Independence Day, Minority Mental Health, International Self Care Day, and more!
Send us a DM on Instagram or email us at turningpointct@positivedirections.org if you or other teens and young adults in Connecticut are interested in sharing a blog post, video, or art around these topics. Content can be something new you have recently created, something you made a while ago, or something pre-existing that you relate to.
In my last post about my self care checklist, I went a little more in depth into writing and why it’s my favorite activity from my list. Today’s highlighted activity is listening to music.
Like most people, I like listening to music. It can induce a plethora of moods depending on the lyrics, beat, flow, etc. I will either feel calm and peaceful, or get a little sad (especially if it’s a song by Juice WRLD where he talks about his depression and addiction).
I have a playlist mostly dedicated to music from the early to mid 2010s, which is currently my favorite era of music. I have the songs ordered from “least” favorite to most favorite, saving the best for last.
For me, having headphones on whilst listening to the songs makes the experience 10x more enjoyable. I like not having to worry about the volume being too loud, hearing the ad-libs more clearly, and feeling more of the bass.
Added with all of the above, listening to the music on my playlist can also motivate me to continue writing lyrics for my own songs.
By the way, does anyone else dance and sing along to songs while looking in the mirror? Sometimes I get very animated doing so, like I’m performing on stage 😂.
Men’s Health Month 2024
Every June, we recognize Men’s Health Month.
Men’s emotional, mental, and physical health can often be overlooked, which should never be the case.
Your physical health matters. Your emotional health matters. Your mental health matters.
I recently made a post sharing my self care checklist. I then made a video about one of the activities on the list: writing, which you can check out below. Now, I want to go a little more in depth about writing.
I’ve been writing for as long as I can remember. Stories, lyrics, you name it. Though it’s always been a constant in my life, I never fully realized it was a passion until I took a creative writing class in my senior year of high school. In this class, we would often share songs to help inspire us to write a poem. The writing never felt difficult, the words always came easy to me. My classmates also gave me positive feedback, which felt nice.
After high school, my poems transitions back into lyrics, and eventually I started making music. Speaking of my music, check out my most recent song here!
I am also still writing stories, some original ideas, and others are my own version of existing TV shows. For one of my original stories, I am hoping to share it with the world one day.
I just thoroughly enjoy utilizing my creativity to, well, create some word magic. For the stories, it’s very helpful to immerse myself in the fictional world I’ve created and tell a, hopefully, good story. Writing song lyrics is very therapeutic for me, as it let’s me get out whatever is bothering me. My favorite music artist, Juice WRLD (RIP), wrote a lot of songs dedicated to his depression, anxiety, addiction, etc; I’d say he’s my biggest inspiration to write about my mental health struggles as well.
I hope I never run out of ideas to jot down, because it is very enjoyable!
Happy Pride Month! During the month of June, we take time to emphasize the importance of acceptance in oneself and each other.
The LGBTQ+ community often face discrimination for expressing who they are, which should never happen. We are all human. We should all work together to be inclusive, no matter how similar or different we may be to each other.
A couple of weeks ago, I became inspired to create a self care checklist after seeing other people’s on social media. Some things on my list were easier to think than others; I hadn’t really thought about some of these as self care activities before. Anyway, this is what I came up with!
For the past couple of years, one of my biggest goals has been to to step out of my comfort zone and increase my socialization. Though with social anxiety, I knew it would be a challenge.
After moving out of my hometown last year, I joined the app MeetUp, where you can join different groups and meet up with group members during many different events. Joining the app was the first step toward my goal, but I didn’t actually build up the courage to go to any events until this year.
Going to Events
One of the groups I joined was for folks in their 20’s and 30’s since I wanted to try to connect with people close in age with me. The first event I went to with this group was at a brewery. I didn’t drink, but meeting the other group members and chatting with them was very fun. The high anxiety I had going in decreased as time went on, as did my social battery. So after a couple of hours, I bid everyone a farewell and headed home. I was extremely proud of myself for finally stepping out of my comfort zone despite the anxiety which has been a rock in the road for far too long.
More recently I went to another gathering with the same group, this time at a small bar. I initially wasn’t going to attend this event since the space is small which means I’d feel quite claustrophobic if there were a lot of people. Plus, a rule in the group was we had to purchase something since it was a small business. I am all in on supporting small businesses; my hesitation was about not wanting to drink in public. I ended up changing my mind, because interacting with people was more important to me.
At this event, I met new people who weren’t at the previous event I attended, and saw some familiar faces. I tend to be on the quiet side in social settings, especially if it’s new, which was the case here. Vibing with folks was very enjoyable, and as I opened up more, conversations were nice too. Some of us also played Cards Against Humanity, which was very fun. Afterward, some of us went to a Chinese restaurant and then an ice cream shop.
Conclusion
When all was said and done, I was completely drained when I got home. Regardless, I still enjoyed the day and once again was proud of myself for going to another event. I am very much looking forward to going to more events in the (hopefully near) future!
Check out my ➡️ previous blog post ⬅️ where I wrote about driving on the highway for the first time.
-T
“Just Choose To Not Be Anxious”
When someone asks why I can’t just choose to not be anxious 😑
As Han Solo once said: “That’s not how the Force works!”
Recovery Coach Academy 2024
Want to learn to coach people struggling with addiction? We are excited to offer CCAR’s Recovery Coach Academy!
Recovery Coach Academy is an ONLINE & FREE 5 session intensive training program for young people in Connecticut ages 16-29. In this training, you will learn the skills necessary to guide, mentor, and support folks who are need of long-term recovery from addiction.
The training is daily beginning June 24 and ending June 28 from 2 PM to 6:30 PM (with breaks).
At the end of last year, I mentioned that I was looking to start therapy again. As of this month, I’ve officially gotten back in with a therapist. It’s been a long time coming.
The Search For A Therapist
Last year, I reached out to in-network therapists around me that specialized in things that were important to me. I wanted someone that had experience with trauma and anxiety. Unfortunately, I didn’t hear back from a single one.
At the end of March, I got an email from Yale New Haven Health about this program they have that helps you find care. I decided to check out the website. I filtered it for mental health providers and I happened to find one that was up the road from my house. They specialize in all of the things that I wanted, but they don’t work with insurance at all. However, they provide a super bill so I can put a claim in with my insurance to hopefully get some money back.
What was even better was I could start the process of getting an intake appointment online. I spent a lot of time filling out the paperwork they have potential clients fill out. I wanted to make sure it was clear what my intentions were when it came to therapy as well as my expectations. Honestly, I read through every bit of information they gave me, and it really seemed like this would be a great fit. The next day they got back to me and said based on what I filled out, I would be a great fit and that I could skip the intake and schedule an appointment.
I was honestly shocked that it was SO EASY. I did not expect to fill out everything and then have an appointment within days. Not a single phone call in the process. They texted me to set everything up. I would have had no issue talking on the phone to get an appointment, but it was just such a breeze.
Beginning Therapy Sessions
I had my first therapy appointment a couple days before my 27th birthday. I’ve had bad therapists in the past and I’m always worried that I might have someone who doesn’t vibe with me. However, I got SO LUCKY with my therapist, she’s great.
In my intake appointment I literally said “I just rawdog life” and she totally got the reference and laughed. It’s important to me that I don’t have to filter myself and my personality in therapy. I’ve had therapists in the past who have had judgement written all over their face as I’ve talked. It’s a horrible feeling.
Hunches Confirmed
I go once a week, and so far all of my sessions have been great. She has given me some really great things to try to help ground myself when my anxiety gets to be unbearable. She also confirmed my hunch that I probably have sensory processing disorder and Misophonia. I didn’t even bring up that I thought I might have them, she offered it up based on something I was telling her.
Misophonia is when you have a really strong emotional reaction to sounds. These reactions usually seem really unreasonable to people. For example, there’s a girl at work who kicks her chair repeatedly all day and it makes me irrationally angry. Sometimes I have to put in my headphones with music and take a walk. Otherwise, I lose my mind. But, I don’t feel like I could tell my job that I don’t want to work in-office because of this. I don’t think they’d take me seriously.
Other times it’s the sound of the washing machine/dryer. I’ll have to put in noise cancelling headphones to escape the sounds. Sometimes my boyfriend will be playing some video game and the gun sounds or repetitive noises of the characters will completely enrage me.
As much as it’s like “agh, another disorder to tack on to the list” it’s also comforting to know that there is an explanation for the things that I deal with on a daily basis. Having a therapist helps with learning these things as well as learning coping skills to live with these things I know I struggle with.
Happy To Be Back In Therapy
I’m looking forward to continuing working with a therapist again. It’s nice to have someone who I don’t feel like I have to defend myself and my brain to. It’s part of their job to understand these disorders that are a part of me. I have supportive friends and family, but it’s just different having someone who not only gets it, but can give you HELPFUL advice. It’s so worth the investment.
– Kailey
May 2024 Content Themes
With the end of April, we are now a third of the way through 2024. Hopefully “April showers brings May flowers” holds true and we get more warm, sunny days!
Check out our content flyer below for May 2024, which include Mental Health Awareness Month, prom, college graduation, and more! As always, content does not have to limited to what’s on the flyer, it can be about anything you feel comfortable sharing!
My Story of Being Sexually Assaulted (Trigger Warning)
Trigger warning: topics of being sexually assaulted and suicidal thoughts.
Drake Bell
Investigation Discovery recently released a documentary called Quiet on Set. This documentary showcased the terrible things child stars experienced while working with Nickelodeon. During the documentary, Drake Bell, who starred in Drake & Josh, shared his story of being sexually assaulted when he was 15 by his dialogue coach, Brian Peck.
Drake’s bravery and vulnerability inspired me to share my own story of being sexually assaulted. I wanted to help other victims, especially males, feel safe and comfortable sharing their story or speaking their truth if they choose to do so. Most importantly, I also wanted other victims to see they aren’t alone in their struggles.
And since April is Sexual Assault Awareness Month, I figured this would be a better time to do my part to spread awareness on sexual assault.
My Story of Being Sexually Assaulted
In the video below, I share my story of being molested by my father when I was 9 years old. While reliving the moment was difficult, it also felt freeing afterward.
Advocacy Unlimited is running an RSS course in June 2024 where folks can learn the skills and knowledge needed to provide peer recovery services. The June RSS course is geared toward emerging adults ages 18 to 29.
Interested in joining? Apply now!
The application deadline is April 30th, 2024. The application form can be downloaded below and can be submitted to rssct@advocacyunlimited.org. Please complete the entire application using your full name and signature before submitting it. This course will be held in Rocky Hill, CT, beginning June 3rd, 2024. For a complete list of course dates, course details, or alternative ways of submitting an application, please visit https://advocacyunlimited.org/program/rss-training/#overview.
April 2024 is here, which brings us the first full month of spring!
As always, check out our content flyer for April 2024 below, and reach out to us if you or other teens and young adults in Connecticut are interested in submitting content:
“It doesn’t matter how “bad” your coping skills (self harm, purging, suicide attempts, smoking, vaping, drugs, etc.) are; you are valid and deserve help.” – Ashton
Read Ashton’s story of struggling with self harm, their turning point, and the aftermath HERE. And check out Our Stories to see mental health journeys of other teens and young adults in Connecticut!
We all need a break sometimes, even when it’s hard to admit. After weeks of working on a project (updates coming soon!), preparing for public hearings, and apartment hunting, I was starting to feel pretty burnt out. It’s hard for me to accept when that happens. I’m so quick to jump to blaming and shaming myself, rather than giving myself the grace and understanding I would offer anyone else.
Instead of continuing the cycle of blame and shame and continuing to push myself, I made a spur of the moment decision to accompany my partner on a business trip to the Pacific Northwest. It’s not like me to make last minute travel plans, especially big ones, but something told me I couldn’t pass up this opportunity. I’m so glad I decided to go! Exploring a new city and taking a day trip up the coast were just what my brain needed to interrupt the loop of negative self-talk. It’s astounding what a change of scenery can do!
The views, the shops, the vegan food, and the queer community we found in the city all brought me back to myself. To the parts of me that know, in fact, I like this little life. – Q
Unstoppable
After nearly a year of inactivity, I recently released my 10th song “Unstoppable”!
As you may have seen from my other songs I’ve shared in Creative Expressions, the majority of my songs have a theme of sadness, regret, etc. However, I chose to release “Unstoppable” next not only to have a change in theme, but as also a sort of celebration for hitting this personal music release milestone.
“Unstoppable” is a song showcasing a growth in self confidence within myself. It did take about a year or so to write it, though. In the beginning, I used pockets of feeling content to write this song. Eventually, I had an easier time writing as I had more moments of feeling content and even self accomplishment in my life. And rereading the lyrics during the writing process helped too.
I also chose to perform this track with a more laid back flow, which for me helps deliver the message of having more self esteem, less worries, etc.
Finally, this is my first song with a new recording studio, The Recording Parlor in Windsor, CT. Since moving last year, it was just more convenient to find things that were closer to me, a recording studio being one of them. I look forward to continuing my music journey as I keep writing and recording!
New Story: RHODA
“Overcoming the deeply ingrained belief that failure was inevitable took considerable time and effort, but eventually, I was able to free myself from its grip.” – Rhoda
Read Rhoda’s story of overcoming their constant feelings of failure HERE. And check out Our Stories to see mental health journeys of other teens and young adults in Connecticut!
Using Movement For Healing Instead of Punishment
Over the last couple of years, I stopped using movement and exercise as a way to punish myself and my body. Instead, I started to use movement as a way to help with healing my relationship with myself and my body,
Before, I was never working out and moving my body because it was something I enjoyed doing. It was always about how I looked and about making myself smaller. I went to the gym and worked out because I wanted to be disciplined so I could be thin. I didn’t enjoy it and all I cared about was making myself look toned.
That mindset was awful mentally. It made me resent working out and moving my body. For me, it wasn’t enjoyable. It felt more like a punishment because my body didn’t look the way I wanted it to. I was doing it for all of the wrong reasons.
Today, I’m kinder to my body. Instead of exercising because I want to look thin, I’m moving my body and just celebrating what it can do. Now, I move my body in a way that’s enjoyable to me instead of doing the things I think will make me look thin.
Hiking has become a way for me to move my body and it’s been healing. I enjoy exploring new parks to find waterfalls and wildlife, hiking up hills and mountains for a good view, and just moving my body in a way that feels good to me. It’s a lot more healing to me than forcing myself to go to the gym and do exercises I don’t even like.
I’m not saying the gym is awful, but it didn’t work for me and my mental health. It became an obsession and I became way too focused on what I looked like. It wasn’t about being healthy, it was about being thin. Using hiking as my method for movement gives me something to look forward to because I’m getting to explore new places or enjoy parks I already love.
Here’s to using movement as a way to heal instead of as a punishment ❤️
A peer respite is a voluntary, short- term program that provides 24/7 community-based, non-clinical (non- medical) mental health crisis support as an alternative to inpatient hospitalization.
Peer respites are operated in a home-like environment by peer support specialists, who have lived experience with mental distress, crisis, and life altering challenges. Peer support specialists will not call the police or use force if you talk about suicide, self-injury, or hearing voices.
Fore more information, and to see the fact sheet, click HERE. And please share the flyer below!
Did you know that February is International Boost Your Self-Esteem Month? This month is about taking the time to help us believe in and appreciate ourselves more, despite whatever we may be facing. So, I figured I’d take the time to write about some ways to help improve your self-esteem!
I’ve struggled with my self-esteem in the past. I had internalized what others said about me. Because of that, I had really bad views about myself as a person and I hated the way I looked. For years, I hated myself and it really effected my mental health. But, in the last couple of years, I’ve worked to love and value myself again. If you’re struggling with your own self-esteem, below are some ways to help boost your self-esteem.
Challenge Yourself
I know this sounds counter-productive, but hear me out. Having a low self-esteem can cause you to feel like you’re not capable of doing things that you may really want to do. For years, I never thought that I could be someone who hikes. That fear caused me to just not hike, which in turn fueled that voice in my head telling me I wasn’t capable.
However, there came a time that I had had enough of missing out on exploring nature. So, I pushed myself to start hiking. I started small and local and I proved to myself that I could do it. As I gained confidence, I began to do longer hikes and then I started to do more technical hikes. I’m now at a point where I’ll travel out of state to do hikes on my own. Seeing that you are capable of things that you never thought you were capable of really makes you feel good about yourself.
A hike in Oregon that had some pretty significant elevation gain that my past self would have doubted I was capable of.Old me would have missed out on these awesome views at Crater Lake National Park and just opted for non-hiking views.
Build Positive Relationships
Building positive relationships is so important. If you have toxic relationships, whether with family, friends, or a partner, it’s hard to feel good about yourself. I had a lot people in my past that made me feel like I was not good enough. I just felt like there was something wrong with me because they’d either explicitly say things to me or their actions would make me feel like I wasn’t worthy of being treated well.
In the past couple of years, I’ve cut off a lot of relationships with people who just made me feel awful. For years I just dealt with the awful relationships because of knowing them for years. Or, I dealt with it because of having to regularly see them due to close proximity. But, when I finally put my foot down and started to be mindful of who I let be in my life, things really changed for the better.
Now I have so many positive relationships with people. I no longer feel like I’m the person who gives and never gets anything in return. I have an actual support system. When you’re surrounded by good people, it’s a lot easier to feel good about yourself because you don’t have people constantly putting you down and making you feel worthless.
Recognize the Good In Yourself
For years, I only focused on all the things that are wrong with me. Honestly, half of the things that were “wrong” with me were not actually bad things. They were things that I had internalized that others had said to me in a negative way. I had people who were not kind to me when I was growing up that were always pointing out my “flaws” and almost never the good.
When I started building healthy relationships and going to therapy, I began to view myself in a better light. Finally, I realized that I do have good things within myself. I realized I am kind, caring, and creative. I started to appreciate all of the good things in myself instead of just focusing on everything wrong with me.
Give Yourself a Break
This is another one that might feel counter-productive. I used to feel like I constantly had to be doing things to prove to people that I was a capable human being. When I was in college, I was working three different jobs. I thought it was a flex and that it would somehow prove to people that I was smart and hard working. I burnt myself out.
Now, I know how to give myself a break. I don’t feel like I have to do a million things to prove to myself or anyone that I’m capable. I know who I am and I don’t feel the need to feed into the toxic hustle culture that is so praised. Giving yourself a break is so important because it’s so hard to feel your best when you’re running yourself into the ground. And if you’re like me, you’ll get mad at yourself for being tired while actively running yourself into the ground. Be kind to yourself and give yourself grace.
Improve Your Physical Health
You don’t have to do anything crazy like become a gym rat. It can be as simple as going for a walk in your neighborhood. It could be starting yoga classes. When you start to do these things, with time you’ll find yourself improving due to being consistent, and that will feel good. When I started to do more miles hiking, it made me feel really good about myself. I was amazed that my body could hike 7 miles in the woods. I was in awe that I was able to hike to the top of a mountain, even if it was challenging.
Mountain hike that was difficult, but making it to the top and proving to myself I could do it was amazing.
Learn To Say No
Boundaries are so important. I used to never say no because I was worried people would think I was mean or rude. But the problem with not saying no was it was basically me telling myself that my needs weren’t important. I was telling myself that other people’s needs were more important than my own. When you start to set boundaries and put yourself first, it will make such a difference. It will be really uncomfortable at first. But, eventually you’ll truly begin to believe that you’re worth it and it will feel so good to stand up for yourself.
Final Thoughts On Boosting Your Self-Esteem
I think it’s great that there’s a month dedicated to helping you boost your self-esteem. Having a good self-esteem is really important when it comes to your mental health. But, many people struggle with viewing themselves in a positive light. Hopefully this list is a good start to help you boost your self-esteem!
Join Rise Be is running The RISE Leadership Training, a FREE 4-part training series that will occur every Thursday in March from 10 AM-3:00 PM in Middletown, CT.
The learning experience is designed to promote recovery leadership among young adults currently receiving DMHAS Young Adult Services. Core topics include recovery, the transition to adulthood, social-emotional growth, and leadership. Students will also practice stress-management techniques to support trauma recovery. We will use a semi-structured curriculum with space for self-directed learning through creative expression and dialogue.
Hi, everyone! Check out our content themes for February!
As a friendly reminder, please know that any content you would like to contribute does not have to be limited to the ideas listed on the flyer. You can also submit content around anything you feel comfortable sharing!
Hello there! A couple of months ago, I shared some wins I had against my anxiety, which you can check out here, and wanted to share another win I recently had. After having my license for about 7 years but only driving on residential roads, I finally drove on the highway for the first time.
Quick Context
Learning to drive was quite scary, as I’m sure it was for most folks. However, since I only have one fully functioning eye, I found myself trying extra hard to drive as safely as possible, maybe even too safe lol.
During the dark times, aka peak COVID days, I chose not to drive anymore after hitting a curb, and planned on not driving for the rest of my life. The first part of this decision was also based on the car I was driving in that moment not being mine, but my mom’s, and I didn’t want to risk causing serious damage to her car.
Fast Forward
During summer or fall of 2023, I changed my mind by getting behind the wheel again for the first time in a few years. Of course I had to get used to that stressful feeling once more, but I adjusted quicker than I thought I would.
I had been thinking about driving on the highway for a few weeks. I knew it’d be more intense than residential roads, so I needed a lot of time to build up to it. Finally, after finishing a grocery shopping trip, I felt it was time. To be honest, though, I only went for it because I only needed to drive from one exit to another to get home, so I wouldn’t be on the highway long.
The experience was definitely pretty stressful. I had to quickly adjust to a faster than what I’m used to speed. I stayed in the slow lane which did ease a tiny sliver of stress, and as you might imagine, I was very glad when I got off at my exit. Even though it will probably still be intimidating for a while, I know I should do this again soon to keep the momentum going.
Wish me luck. – T
What Happens To Marshmallow People in the Microwave?
What happens to marshmallow people in the microwave?! Check out this video by some young adults at one of our recent focus groups!
If you’d like to share your input on technology and mental health, please sign up for one of our upcoming focus groups at positivedirections.org/events!
Join Our Focus Groups!
Calling all young adults in Connecticut! We are hosting a series of focus groups for folks to share their experiences with technology & mental health, talk about community & peers, and to let us know what you’d like to see from the project in the future! All participants will receive a $25 gift card as a token of our gratitude!
January is National Hobby Month! While we engage in our hobbies all year long, I think it’s fitting that the year begins with us taking note of what we enjoy doing. Plus, we can think about whether there are some activities we want to continue doing or stop, and any new activities we might want to pick up.
Some of my hobbies include making music, writing stories, and creating YouTube videos. Check out my music here, and my YouTube channel here!
Let me know in the comments what some of your hobbies are! – T
Meet Quinn: Queers & Peers Support Group
As some of you may know, our Peer Support Specialist, Quinn (they/them), runs a virtual peer support group for LGBTQ+ high schoolers in Connecticut called Queers & Peers every Friday at 6:30 PM. Get to know some cool facts about them in their video below. And spread the word for their support group!
As a friendly reminder, please know that any content you would like to contribute does not have to be limited to the ideas listed on the flyer. You can also submit content around anything you feel comfortable sharing!
We hope you all have an amazing new year! Let’s get this bread in 2024 😤. P.S. please enjoy the meme below 😂
My reaction to how fast 2023 flew by.
Reels: Hand Washing Awareness Week & Group Therapy (2)
Hand Washing Awareness Week
Last week was Hand Washing Awareness Week. As a hand washing advocate, especially in public settings, I felt inclined to make a video to help spread the word. Check it out below.
Recently I’ve been sharing clips from a video on our YouTube channel about Group Therapy. Check out the full video below, or watch the clips on our Instagram!
Looking Back On 2023
The Rock in the Road
Anxiety has always been a huge rock in the road for me, especially during the past few covid years. It’s made it extremely difficult to do a lot of things, even things such as interacting with folks in social settings, and making or answering phone calls.
However, 2023 has been a very successful year for me; I feel like I’ve accomplished more this year than I have in the past 3 years combined. I’ve become a lot more capable of pushing back against my anxiety in order to progress in life. I’ve learned a lot of coping skills from others, and have even created some of my own, that have been a big help.
Comeback Season
I’ve traveled by myself for the first time, moved into my own place, and started driving again. These, along with many more, are things I know I would have been very unlikely to do even last year. So being able to check off so many goals in the span of one year has made me feel very proud of myself. I even signed up for an event in town, which would have been way more unlikely last year than the first three things I mentioned in this paragraph. In fact, I’d go as far as to say signing up for social events wasn’t even a consideration, while the other things were.
Something that’s been a huge help to me is changing my environment more. During my school years, besides going to classes during the week, I did next to nothing else. There were rare occasions where I’d go to the gym, but it wasn’t enough to make a physical or mental difference. Even up to this past summer, I wasn’t changing my environment enough, and this caused me to have a huge creative block. And as someone who prides themselves on their creativity, this made me fear for my future. Now that I’ve been going outside my home more, the creative block has decreased significantly.
Feeling Hopeful
At this point in time, I’m at a place where I feel content with life. I’m hoping to keep up this momentum as we transition out of 2023 and head into 2024. For now, though, I wish you all a happy December!
Did you know I make music? Check out my Spotify page with all music!
– T
December Themes ’23
Hello, everyone! Our content flyer for December is here, the last one of the year! To submit an article, be a guest on a podcast, or provide a video, email us at turningpointct@positivedirections.org.
Please know that any content you would like to contribute does not have to be limited to the ideas listed on the flyer. You can also submit content around anything you feel comfortable sharing!
Happy ADHD Awareness Month! Our peer support specialist, Quinn, is joined by Emily Stainton to talk about living with ADHD. Topics include late diagnosis, tools and systems, medication, and advocacy. This is part one of a two part episode, so stay tuned for part two, coming next week!
Learn more about NAMI CT’s Young Adult Connection Community here
Conquering Holiday Social Anxiety: Your Comprehensive Guide
Social anxiety can be a formidable adversary during the holiday season. With an influx of social gatherings, increased expectations, and the general chaos of this time of year, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed.
This comprehensive guide is here to arm you with practical strategies and tips to navigate through the holiday season with confidence and joy.
Understanding Social Anxiety
Social anxiety, also known as social phobia, is more than shyness or a fear of public speaking. It’s a persistent fear of being observed, judged, or scrutinized by others, causing significant distress and impairing one’s ability to function in social situations.
Common Symptoms of Social Anxiety
Social anxiety symptoms can be psychological and physical, varying from person to person.
Common psychological symptoms include:
Fear of interacting with strangers
Worry about others noticing your anxiety
Fear of physical symptoms like blushing or a shaky voice
Avoidance of situations where you fear embarrassment
Anticipation of the worst outcome in social cases.
Physical symptoms can include:
Fatigue
Headaches
Sweating
Difficulty speaking
Nausea
Increased heart rate
A person with social anxiety may experience some or all of these symptoms, and their intensity can fluctuate based on the situation. Understanding your specific triggers and reactions can help you develop strategies to manage your anxiety.
The Impact of Holidays on Social Anxiety
The holiday season is often a time of increased social activity, which can exacerbate social anxiety symptoms. The pressure to attend large social gatherings, navigate unfamiliar social situations, and handle potential triggers can make the holidays less cheerful.
Moreover, with the COVID-19 pandemic in recent memory, many people are finding it challenging to reintegrate into social situations after extended periods of isolation. The sudden return to large gatherings and parties can trigger a spike in social anxiety symptoms.
10 Strategies to Manage Social Anxiety during the Holidays
While social anxiety can be daunting, especially during the holiday season, you can use proven strategies to manage your symptoms and enjoy the festivities. Here’s a roundup of 10 practical strategies to help you conquer holiday social anxiety.
1. Educate Yourself About Your Social Anxiety
Understanding your social anxiety is the first step towards managing it. Familiarize yourself with your specific triggers and reactions, recognize the physical and psychological symptoms, and understand how they impact your daily life.
2. Define Your Boundaries
Having clear boundaries is crucial when managing social anxiety. You don’t need to accept every invitation that comes your way. Determine which events are important to you and only commit to those.
3. Bring a Trusted Friend
Having a trusted friend or “wing(wo)man” at social events can help you feel more comfortable and less anxious. They can facilitate conversations and provide a sense of familiarity and security.
4. Request a Task
If bringing a friend is not an option, ask the host if there’s something you can do to help during the event. This can give you something to focus on, reduce feelings of being observed, and provide opportunities for easy conversation.
5. Prepare Conversation Starters
Having a few conversation starters up your sleeve can help alleviate the stress of making small talk. Think of neutral topics or current events that you can discuss.
6. Take Breaks
If you start to feel overwhelmed, don’t hesitate to take a break. Step outside for fresh air, take a quiet moment alone or engage in a brief mindfulness exercise to help you re-center.
7. Be Honest About Your Feelings
It’s okay to acknowledge your social anxiety. If you feel comfortable, let others know that you’re feeling anxious. More often than not, people are understanding and supportive.
The holiday season can be a challenging time for individuals with social anxiety. However, you can navigate the holiday season confidently and grace by understanding your triggers, setting boundaries, and employing effective coping strategies. Remember, asking for help and caring for your mental health is okay. After all, the holiday season is all about joy, peace, and well-being.
Disclaimer: Sarah Edwards is not a certified or licensed mental health professional—instead, someone sharing real-life experiences and findings for others to find commonality and seek actionable steps.
In the past, I wrote a post where I detailed why I chose to be sober. Recently, I’ve started to drink again in extreme moderation, like I’m talking I started with sips while with my boyfriend and I’ve worked up to maybe having a drink. But most times, it’s not even a whole drink.
I think the main reason I’m able to enjoy alcohol while out with friend’s is because my mental health isn’t in a place where I feel the need to become numb to not deal with my feelings. I have coping skills to help with that now where I don’t feel the need to use substances as a crutch.
The song Dear Alcohol sums up pretty nicely how I used to use alcohol as a crutch. Below are some lyrics, and I also embedded the song if you want to take a listen to it:
I got wasted ’cause I didn’t wanna deal with myself tonight My thoughts get drowned until I feel alright And I keep drinkin’ ’til I’m someone I don’t recognize I got wasted I got wasted ’cause I didn’t wanna deal with myself tonight My thoughts get drowned until I feel alright I keep drinkin’ ’til I’m someone I don’t recognize I got wasted
It’s nice to be able to sip and have a drink here and there for the taste while out to a dinner with friends or even during a relaxing night at home with my boyfriend. I don’t want to drink to feel the effects because frankly, I don’t like the effects that alcohol gives me because I get anxiety when I get past a light buzz. As soon as I feel like I might not be in control of myself, I get anxious so I rarely drink enough to feel anything past a slight buzz.
But I think the important thing to me is that I’m in a place where I truly don’t feel like I need to numb myself anytime I feel negative emotions. I’m not reaching for alcohol when I’m feeling upset. I’m drinking while enjoying spending time with close friends, and it’s really just to taste fun drinks.
This might feel like a step backward to some, but to me it speaks volumes that I have a better grip on my mental health. I’m proud of myself for getting to this point.
-Kailey
November Themes ’23
Hello everyone! Here are our themes for November! Feel free to share our November themes or even share your experiences/opinions! To submit an article, be a guest on a podcast or provide a video for November or in the future, email the team at TurningPointCT@positivedirections.org.
I’ve been at war with anxiety for as long as I can remember. For the situations in which anxiety applies itself, it’s felt like my arch nemesis has defeated me in every battle we’ve had for the past few years.
Recently, however, I managed to push back and score two significant victories in this seemingly never ending war. I came out feeling very proud of myself, and I wanted to share them. Check out the Reel below to hear about those wins.
Remember that it matters not if your wins seem small to others. As long as you are proud of what you have accomplished, that’s all that matters. 🤠 – T
Personal Empowerment: Unleashing the Power of Agency
The journey towards self-improvement and personal growth is a winding road laden with opportunities for self-discovery and self-awareness.
In each stride, you make choices and decisions that shape your path and influence your future. The concept of personal agency is a fundamental aspect that propels this emotional journey.
Personal agency is the control you exert over your life, your ability to influence your thoughts and behavior, and your confidence in handling diverse tasks and situations.
This article is a comprehensive guide on understanding and fostering personal agency, thus helping you feel more in control of your life and work.
The Core Concept of Agency
Personal agency, also called self-agency, is the feeling of control you experience over your life and your capacity to influence your thoughts and behaviors.
It’s the belief in your ability to impact your future. People with high agency have profound control over their lives and can make decisions to meet their needs and wants.
They harbor an inner power that allows them to act upon their desires, make plans, and execute actions necessary to realize them.
Conversely, individuals with a low agency often feel that external factors such as luck or fate manipulate their life trajectories.
They may feel powerless to alter the course of their lives, fostering a sense of helplessness and complacency. Understanding ourselves as agents of change can help us set goals, take steps to improve our personal and professional lives, and discard feelings of powerlessness.
The Building Blocks of High Agency
Albert Bandura, a prominent Stanford University professor of psychology and a pioneer in agency research, proposed that we start developing our sense of agency from birth.
Infants learn to interact with their surroundings and discover ways to alter their environments through their caregivers. Children learn to regulate their behaviors by observing their parents and caregivers.
As adults, our sense of agency continues to evolve, influenced by several factors, including access to resources and the environment.
Intentionality
Intentionality is the proactive commitment to change your life or environment. It means you consciously decide to act and take control instead of letting external factors dictate your actions.
Forethought
Forethought allows you to envision the future, set goals, and motivate yourself. It guides your actions in anticipation of future events and outcomes.
Self-reactiveness
Self-reactiveness is your capability to act on your plans, monitor your progress, and make necessary course corrections if you stray. It means you need to be deliberate in performing towards reaching your goals and not simply waiting for results to appear.
Self-reflection
This attribute lets you contemplate and evaluate your motives, values, and life goals. Self-reflection allows you to address any conflicts in your motivations and choose to act in favor of one over the other.
Self-efficacy
Self-efficacy is your belief in your ability to succeed. It’s as crucial as your actions in developing a sense of agency. How people perceive themselves and their environment influences their ideas about what is possible and determines their level of personal agency.
Transitioning from Low Agency to High Agency
Transitioning from low to high agency involves fostering a shift in mindset and embracing strategies that inspire personal empowerment.
Re-evaluate Your Beliefs
Begin by introspecting your beliefs about your sense of agency. Do you perceive yourself as someone with high agency or low agency?
Do you feel a high sense of agency in some regions of your life, like your career, but a low sense of agency in others, like your personal relationships?
Reflecting on where you want more control can help you set future goals.
Cultivate Intentionality
Start by setting small, achievable goals for yourself. It could be reading a specific number of pages of a book each week, organizing your workspace, or incorporating a new habit into your daily routine.
Understand Your Environment
High agency requires resources like time, money, knowledge, and skills. Evaluate the resources you have that can help you create and act on your goals. Identify the resources you need and the avenues to acquire them.
Seek Support
Consider seeking support from coaches, mentors, supportive family members, or friends. They can provide invaluable guidance and encouragement on your journey towards self-agency.
If you believe traumatic experiences or mental health struggles are impacting your agency, seek support from a licensed mental health professional.
The Journey to Personal Empowerment
Remember, feeling in control of your life is not about controlling every aspect of it. Instead, it’s about exercising more control over your aspirations, understanding your sense of agency, and letting go of feelings of powerlessness.
Embracing personal agency is about believing in yourself and your capabilities. It’s about recognizing that you are the pilot of your life, steering it in the direction you desire.
So, take the reins of your life, set your course, and embark on the journey to personal empowerment.
After all, as Albert Bandura rightly stated, “People are producers of their life circumstances, not just products of them.” It’s time to be the producer of your life and embrace the power of agency.
Disclaimer: Sarah Edwards is not a certified or licensed mental health professional—instead, someone sharing real-life experiences and findings for others to find commonality and seek actionable steps.
Covid Ruined My Vacation
During the end of September and the beginning of October, my family and I went on vacation to California and Texas. Unfortunately, I got covid about halfway through the vacation.
I made a video on my YouTube channel sharing the story of my vacation gone wrong, and how I managed to make it home. Grab a snack, and check it out below! 🤠
Before or after watching my video, check out My Poem that I recently posted here. 😃
I wish you all a safe and healthy remainder of 2023. – TM
This Show’s A Train
Context
During the beginning stages of Covid, everything was shut down, and we were all forced to stay inside. At this point, I had just befriended someone who I felt very connected with, and I’d like to think they felt the same. However, as the early lockdown days continued, I started becoming very depressed and frustrated with isolation, as I’m sure many of you also experienced. I really wanted to see her in person, but obviously couldn’t. We were both in difficult places in our lives. That, plus Covid, caused us to drift apart, and I experienced my first heartbreak.
The poem below, which I’ve titled This Show’s a Train, was written by me as a result of the above situation. I tried to write more, but decided that these six lines were enough as they perfectly explain my feelings.
This show’s a train, it’s moving fast
You and I weren’t meant to last
Just for once can life be a blast
Cause I’m tired of life repeating the past
Being with you, made me so gassed
Then our friendship broke like glass
Thank you for reading. – TM
Gratitude Amid Trials: A Beacon of Hope and Faith
Sometimes, life seems like an endless cycle of trials and tribulations. When we’re caught in the midst of adversity, the idea of cultivating gratitude might feel like a tall order.
However, as challenging as it might be, expressing thankfulness in all circumstances is not just a noble gesture but also a transformative tool that can change our lives for the better.
Gratitude, in its simplest form, is acknowledging the good in our lives. But it’s more than just enumerating our blessings. It requires us to change our perspective, look beyond our current circumstances, and see the silver linings even in the darkest clouds.
This shift in perspective enables us to experience peace and joy even amid trials.
Gratitude is not just an emotion; it’s an act of faith. It calls for us to trust in the unseen, to believe in the promise of better days, and to hold on to hope even when our situation seems hopeless.
Gratitude is a testament to our belief that all things work together for our good, no matter how seemingly insignificant.
The Healing Power of Gratitude
Gratitude has a profound healing effect. It soothes our souls lifts our spirits, and broadens our perspective. It allows us to look beyond our pain and see the blessings within our trials.
It helps us understand that our trials are not punishments but rather opportunities for growth and self-realization.
In uncertain times, gratitude becomes a beacon of hope.
Focusing on what we are thankful for can provide solace and strength when our future seems unclear and our path fraught with obstacles. Even when we can’t change our circumstances, we can change our reaction to them.
By choosing to be grateful, we see life not as a series of problems but as a journey of learning and growth.
Transformative Power of Gratitude
Gratitude holds a transformative power. It can turn trials into blessings, sorrow into joy, and despair into hope. It can change our hearts, our minds, and our lives.
It’s not about ignoring our problems or pretending that everything is perfect. It’s about finding beauty and goodness amidst the chaos and difficulty.
Gratitude is a catalyst for change.
It sparks a shift in our mindset, helping us to see the world and ourselves in a new light. It encourages us to focus on possibilities instead of limitations, on strengths instead of weaknesses, and on solutions instead of problems.
Gratitude inspires us to become the best version of ourselves, to aim higher, and to strive harder.
In times of grief, gratitude can be a source of comfort and healing. It reminds us of the love, joy, and beauty we’ve experienced, even when we’re currently enveloped in sorrow.
It provides a sense of perspective, helping us to remember that even in our darkest moments, there is still light to be found.
The Role of Faith in Cultivating Gratitude
Faith plays a crucial role in cultivating gratitude. Faith reassures us that we are not alone in our struggles and that there is a higher power guiding and supporting us.
It encourages us to trust in the process, believe in life’s goodness, and hold on to hope even when it seems elusive. Gratitude and faith are intertwined, each one strengthening the other.
Life is full of trials and tribulations, but it is also filled with blessings and miracles.
Gratitude helps us to see and appreciate these blessings, even amid trials. It encourages
us to shift our perspective, to focus on the positive, and to trust in the promise of better days. Whether we’re facing a minor setback or a major calamity, gratitude can guide us through. It can heal our hearts, lift our spirits, and transform our lives.
Let’s embrace a spirit of gratitude, not only in times of abundance and ease, but also — and perhaps most importantly — in times of trials and adversity.
Because it is in these moments, when we are most challenged, that we have the greatest opportunity to grow, to learn, and to become the best version of ourselves.
Disclaimer: Sarah Edwards is not a certified or licensed mental health professional—instead, someone sharing real-life experiences and findings for others to find commonality and seek actionable steps.
A Long Overdue Update
Howdy, it’s been a while since I’ve written here on my blog. So, here I am with an overdue update after ten months. I’ve had a lot of life changes since my last post here on my blog. There’s been a lot of good that’s happened since, but unfortunately, there’s also been some trauma.
This year, I’ve left relationships that no longer served me well and that were just not great for me. I’ve been better about protecting my own peace and being more mindful about who I surround myself with. Some of the people I removed from my life were people who I had been friends with since childhood. But, I learned that’s not a great reason to stay friends with someone. There were a lot of things these people did to me that I let slide, things that hurt me. I had finally had enough. So, I removed them from my life and I can say I have not regretted my decisions since.
Additionally, I left a romantic relationship I was in for five years, leaving behind five animals that I adored. But, it was what was best for me and my mental health. I left with next to nothing money wise and living situations were shaky for a bit. But, I did make it out on another side and I’m now living somewhere safe.
While I did have a lot of big changes and some traumatic events happen that I won’t get into here because they’re things I haven’t really dealt with yet, I am in a safe place now. I am happy with an absolutely amazing partner who I’m extremely thankful for.
I wish I could say that having a safe place and a great support system is enough to make my mental health great, but when you’ve had as much trauma as I have throughout my life, it can creep back up when you least expect it. Right now, I’m currently going through it. It’s to the point that my anxiety is affecting my day to day life and it can be crippling.
I’m finally to the point where I’m ready to get back into therapy to work through things that I never really processed. I’m ready to deal with things that I’ve shoved down to not deal with. I reached out to some therapists who specialize in anxiety and PTSD. I specifically looked for ones who are in the town I live in because I want to make sure it’s not a stressful thing for me to get myself to and from therapy.
I’m nervous, but also excited to be taking the step to go back to therapy. I know there are things I have to work through with a professional because my anxiety is starting to really affect my quality of life at this point. The traumas that happened earlier this year I really need help working through.
So, that’s what’s new with me. I’m hoping to write again soon as I start the process of going back into therapy, write some more in depth posts about some of the traumas I’m comfortable sharing publicly, and things I’m doing in my day to day life to help in my healing.
-Kailey
Healing From Past Trauma: Leaving Toxicity Behind
Healing from past trauma isn’t easy. And it sure ain’t easy breaking your own trauma instilled cycles either. Leaving my past domestic violent/toxic relationship has shown me a lot. Not only that, my relationship with my current partner has helped me see the dynamics of all of my relationships. Specifically with my current/past friends and family members.
Feeling Scared Facing My Dream Relationship
I never thought that I was actually going to be in a relationship where things are mutual and reciprical. Let alone, experience such deep emotion towards someone during a first kiss. I haven’t, EVER, experienced such magnetic/powerful connection with someone like this before.
And to be completely honest, I didn’t know what to do with this new dynamic and healthy relationship at first. I wanted to run. All because I was afraid of my traumatized self. My partner’s vulnerability and loving heart allowed me to see that they were actually different from my past partners; who only verbally told me they were different rather than show me.
Experiencing such a wonderful and beautifully hearted person, I knew I would’ve DEEPLY regretted running away. So I stayed; I already loved the person that was right in front of me. And not out of obligation.
I took it slow. And now, I’m slowly getting out of survival mode.
Being Rooted in Reality
I’ve never been so grounded or so rooted in reality. I’m no longer making excuses for people in my life on how shitty they treat(ed) me. (In other words, I’m not being delusional.) And I’m no longer coping with people’s maltreatment through my imagination. Nor dismissing maltreatment by someone’s artificial kindness.
My current evolving relationship has helped me accept how shitty my family, working environment is, and what I don’t like about my current and past friendship/family dynamics.
Accepting reality doesn’t mean that I allow.
I now hold people accountable more than ever. And, now I see how unreciprical my relationships with other people are. (Which I often reflect.)
Healing from Dynamics With Others
For so long, people wanted/went to me when they needed me or wanted something from me. But never considered how they only actively played the ‘taker’ in my life. And I allowed it.
Recently, I realized whenever I went to people, they weren’t as genuine as I was with them. Often, such interaction resulted in them needing something from me.
Reflecting on this, I’ve realized how my family members weren’t genuinely invested in my life. They either wanted low vibrational validation or material/internal gain. It really bothered me at first. But I accepted the reality of it to minimize the allowance of such dynamic.
Hence why I kept my distance from family ever since I was introduced to them. And even cut off some members (well a lot).
Healing From the Lack of Balance: Experiences & Boundaries
Experiencing a healthy balanced dynamic with my partner has allowed me to stop the continuation of unbalanced dynamics around me. It has helped me dive deeper in my healing journey.
I had to allow myself face my traumatized self in order to get here.
Having different experiences helped me understand what was best for me by paying attention to how and why it made me feel a certain way. My experiences has helped validate how I felt about each person in my life.
Ending this off, hard decisions should be based on fact and self-respect, NOT upon cognitive dissonance, ignorance and dysregulation. It’s important to consider your own contribution to a situation and to be willing to improve yourself. Seeing yourself will help set healthy boundaries with family, friends, partners, etc. It’s important!
Gabe H.
October Themes ’23
Hello everyone! This is what October will be filled with! Feel free to share our October themes or even share your experiences/opinions! To submit an article, be a guest on a podcast or provide a video for October or in the future, email the team at TurningPointCT@positivedirections.org.
This year’s Autumn Equinox is exactly on September 23rd at 2:50AM. Due to such specific time, people say that fall starts on the 22nd and the equinox is on the 23rd. So happy fall season!! And for my spiritual people, happy Autumn Equinox!
What is Autumn Equinox?
Autumn Equinox is a time of transition. It’s all about balance and taking the time to pause. It’s a time where we experience stillness before the shift. To me, Autumn Equinox is all about letting ourselves experience the present moment. It’s a time to look inward as well as outward.
Inviting Balance
Balance isn’t the easiest thing on this planet but it’s definitely not that hard if you’re willing to make sacrifices. For example, if you’re struggling with something, it’s a great time to let go of the things that are contributing to that struggle. I’ve let go of relationships (family, friends, environments, habits, etc.) that was feeding into my depression and anxiety.
Sometimes it takes time to understand what is actually contributing to a struggle. It took me a while to understand and actually listen to my needs due to people pleasing. This is your friendly reminder that you should stop people pleasing for your mental sanity.
To find balance, you must be willing to be patient with yourself and let go of the things that are not serving you anymore. Whether that be a job, family member, old friend, clothes that you don’t wear, etc.
Finding Balance in Self-Deceiption
For those who think they are people pleasing and actually aren’t, you should really internally reflect. You must fit into a specific criteria for this. There’s no shame in self-deceiption as long as you’re willing to improve yourself. So the criteria of self-deceiption includes:
being mean to people,
losing a lot of relationships or opportunities,
manipulating people,
not telling the full truth,
not being mindful, and
think your behaviors aren’t a problem
This is self-deceiption at its finest and requires heavy self relfection. People who are doing these things are typically very unhappy. There’s an aquired victim mindset. The way out of that rut is facing yourself and your trauma to do better. If you fit into this, sacrifice your need for instant gratification. And hold self-accountability. Also, an apology to the people who have experienced your maltreatment can really help.
Happy Autumn Equinox and reflecting!
– Dez 🙂
Back to School Anxiety
Good luck to all students this school year! You got this!
Thank you for listening! If you enjoyed our podcast, make sure you follow us @TurningPointCT to stay up to date with what teens and young adults in CT are talking about! You can find us wherever you stream podcasts (ex. Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts)!
Want to find more free mental health support services made by and for teens and young adults in Connecticut? Check out our website!
Check out the Previous Episode where Dez talks about the BS of Labor Day!
Moving Out Update!
It’s been about 2 months since I moved out on my own. Before moving day, I wrote about my thoughts and feelings on the matter, which you can read here. Now that some time has passed, I figured I could provide an update!
Moving Day
Moving day was very hectic; it certainly deserves its spot as one of the top 5 most stressful life events. Instead of hiring a professional moving company, we had a rented U-Haul truck and a couple friends helping. And since we didn’t live on the first floor of our prior residence, the process took twice as long. But, alas, we got through it. Moving in didn’t take as long since I was only taking probably a quarter of the furniture we had.
The First Few Weeks
I spent my first week here unpacking boxes and organizing. To my surprise, it took only six days to get everything unpacked and set up. The next couple of weeks consisted of shopping for anything else I may have needed and what not.
I also had a housewarming party, which I enjoyed very much. It was awesome to have family and friends over to celebrate a new accomplishment with me. The vibe was positive, and it was just a good time spent with great people.
Another surprise I experienced was not missing my previous residence or town at all, and I still don’t. I spent most of my life there, but I really just don’t miss it. I concluded that I’ve been ready to end that chapter for a long time, and finally begin this new one.
Conclusion
Despite some feelings of loneliness that come with relocating to a new area where you don’t know anyone yet, I am enjoying it here. I’m still exploring the area, and looking to get involved in activities that will help me meet new people.
One thing I have been struggling with is consistently sticking to a new routine. Since I’m on my own now, it’s solely up to me to hold myself accountable for everything I want and need to get done. It is a work in progress, but once I keep up the momentum, I know I will do well.
Thank you for reading. – TM
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Workshop: Navigating Mental Health Crises w/ Psychosis (9/20/23)
STEP is running a workshop for any CT family or community member who’s interested in learning how to navigate mental health crises with young people who experience psychosis.
WORKSHOP TITLE: Navigating Mental Health Crises in the Community Among Young People with Psychosis
This workshop is part of the STEP Family and Community Workshop Series, a series of educational workshops. They are open to bothSTEP affiliated families/support people and to any community members interested in learning about early psychosis. This training is supported by the CONNECTing to Care Initiative.
The Accountability Adults Need to Take: Reading Past a Façade
Many adults don’t know how to take accountability. Which is a bad influence to society. They honestly don’t understand how their action(s), treatment, etc. impact us young adults, let alone, other people. The same thing goes for parents; there’s no accountability taken in their child’s experience(s) and/or wound(s). And not enough people, psychology books or resources talk about this issue; The issue of external/internal accountability within recovery.
Reading the Doer (If the Shoe Fits, Wear It)
Self-accountability within many doers feels like a never thought. It’s mainly because the doer is in denial of how the other individual feels in relation to their personal involvement in their life. Which really boils down to how they are being viewed by the public’s eye.
Sometimes, the doer tries to over compensate via their work/act of (internally ‘needed’) kindness; in order to restore balance within themselves. It’s a way to feel better about how they treat others and/or a way toinvalidate their subconscious perception of how they truly treat others.
** A doer (in this specific context) – the person (parent, friend, partner, etc.) who is mistreating you or other individuals.**
Taking Accountability can Heal!
Blindness of a perpetuator is harmful.
Society talks about suicide, self-harm, alcohol and drug addiction prevention but don’t see what leads up to those very instances or of having to recover. It’s very important to know the leading cause of each coping mechanism: trauma. Trauma includes how we are treated, what we have seen, experienced, etc.
From experience, it’s healing when someone takes accountability for their actions.
Not only that, but I always try to take accountability for my own actions that may have negatively impacted another person. Accountability involves self-reflection and working on the shadow self.
Here’s Some Irony: Reading into it Further
I can say that some of the people who talk about recovery are the very people who are stimulating such internal conflict to others. Or in other terms, are the doers and show that they are hypocrites to their own ‘practices’. And it’s hard for them to take accountability.
From experience, many doers take offense when they’re called outon their unjust doings, and perpetual lack of accountability. Some of these doers act innocent in the part they play in another individual’s experiences with them. Which really confuses everyone and the experiencer. So accountability matters.
But when accountability doesn’t happen, it’s real to say: “It’s the relationship to whiteness for me.”
It’s Giving… Very Colonizer
I know some of you are tired of my colonizer references. But there are things that need to be pointed out! Unaccountability heavily traces to colonizer culture which leads to avoidance as a coping mechanism.
Honestly, If the shoe fits, wear it. Take it personal and take accountability for your actions. Sit with your offense and internally reflect past your ego. Work on your shadow!
There’s nothing wrong with being flawed if you’re willing to improve yourself.
– Dez 🙂
The BS of Labor Day: A Decolonized View
Thank you for listening! If you enjoyed our podcast, make sure you follow us @TurningPointCT to stay up to date with what teens and young adults in CT are talking about! You can find us wherever you stream podcasts (ex. Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts)!
Want to find more free mental health support services made by and for teens and young adults in Connecticut? Check out our website!
Check out the Previous Episode where Dez talks about his transgender journey!
Breath Body Mind Workshop
Join this Breath Body Mind Workshop to learn gentle movement and breathing practices! They’re easy to learn and allow you to heal from within!
Sessions run on the 3rd Wednesday of the month from 6PM-7PM!
Facilitated by Level 4 BBM Teacher, Linda Lentini. At the Connecticut Clearinghouse on 334 Farmington Ave, Plainville, CT.
Click here to register for the following sessions: 9/20, 10/18, 11/15, and/or 12/20.
September Themes ’23
Hello everyone! This is what September will be filled with! Feel free to share our September themes or even share your experiences/opinions! To submit an article, be a guest on a podcast or provide a video today or in the future, email the team at TurningPointCT@positivedirections.org.
Want to do/join your own podcast on TurningPointCT? Email the TurningPointCT team at TurningPointCT@positivedirections.org MP3 recordings of your topic or for more information to join a podcast episode!
If you’d like to upload any other content, click here!
My Transgender Journey: Normalizing Gender/Sexual Fluidity in Society Through History
Thank you for listening! If you enjoyed our podcast, make sure you follow us @TurningPointCT to stay up to date with what teens and young adults in CT are talking about! You can find us wherever you stream podcasts (ex. Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts)!
Want to find more free mental health support services made by and for teens and young adults in Connecticut? Check out our website!
Check out the Previous Episode where Therell, Emorie, and Clarissa talk about moving out on your own for the first time!
Prioritizing Self-Care
It’s National Wellness Month! This recognized awareness month really focuses on prioritizing self-care through committing to healthier habits. Healthier habits make an impact no matter the ‘size’ of the habit. Like listening to your body when you need to use the bathroom. instead of holding it in. Eating when your body is hungry. Or leaving behind someone who doesn’t treat you with respect. These healthy habits can really improve your overall health.
Prioritizing Self-Care in Today’s Society
Colonization has really fucked up the dynamics of society and self-care. We are wired to think that self-caring is wrong. We feel guilty for prioritizing ourselves into thinking we are being selfish. When in reality, the only way we are able to function properly is through prioritizing self-care. Everything around us tells us that routine care is the way things function properly. And when things go to shit, throw it out.
Think of it like a phone. You charge it for it to work. Or when it drops and gets debris on it, wipe it off. Why? So the phone can operate better and/or longer. And when it no longer works, get a new phone by tossing the old one out.
Observing society, I see that we care more for our material things than ourselves. Although it’s hard to care for ourselves, it’s worth it.
How to Self-Care
Before, I have written a blog about Coping and Self-Caring. It goes into detail about self-care tips that are also thought provoking. To say the least, there’s no specific how-to-guide for self-caring. However, there are ideas on how you can be prioritizing self-care in your day to day life.
Prioritizing self-care is to respect yourself and boundaries. You really have to treat and talk to yourself like you would to your best friend. Think about how you would like to be treated by someone else and treat yourself like such. What is also helpful when it comes to prioritizing self-care is thinking about how I would treat someone/something else. My rule of thumb is “if I wouldn’t do that to a baby, animal, and/or another thing, I shouldn’t do it to myself”.
Prioritizing self-care also includes cutting out people of your life, leaving a toxic job, etc.
It’s 2023, it’s a standard to be prioritizing self-care! So don’t rush yourself, take your time! Allow yourself to self-care. And if you get guilted for it by someone else, question their position in your life.
– Dez 🙂
Moths: Cultural Symbolism
It’s the 12th annual National Moth Week! This week celebrates the beauty, habitats and the life cycles of moths! Typically, National Moth Week is all about science; understanding and contributing data. You can do that here.
Outside of the science of moths during National Moth Week, I want to highlight a moth’s symbolism. A moth’s omen stance vary by culture but are very similar by their symbol or what they represent!
Befriending Moths, Culture, & Their Symbolism
I typically find myself befriending and being protective over moths. They land on me, even in daylight. Sometimes they allow me to hold them…which is rare. And, I just admire their presence around me.
Culturally, I find these occurrences to be good luck! And when someone kills a moth purposefully, it can bring great misfortune to that specific person. So I urge people to leave them be.
Moths symbolize change, transformation, endings, death, and mystery of the night. All of which I stand for and really value in my life.
Reconciling with Uneasy Moth Symbolisms
I know many people don’t feel easy around death symbolism. Depending on your relationship with moths, the translated message of their presence may vary. Which all really depends on your outlook on life. If you’re pessimistic, you’re more likely to be uneasy and translate a moth’s symbolism negatively.If you’re optimistic and stoic at heart, you’ll understandhow a moth’s symbolism is all about opportunity, and beginning/ending cycles!
Either way, moths are here to remind people of opportunities regardless of the journey it takes to get there.
So, happy National Moth Week! Remember to enjoy the beauty of nature!
– Dez 🙂
August Themes ’23
Hello everyone! This is what August will be filled with! Feel free to share our August themes or even share your experiences/opinions! To submit an article, be a guest on a podcast or provide a video for August or in the future, email the team at TurningPointCT@positivedirections.org.
My bad, this isn’t about Star Wars 😅. Let’s try again.
After living with my mom for the entire 23 years I’ve been alive, and in the same area for almost 20 years, the time has come where I move out.
Moving is one of the most stressful times in one’s life, and I can see why. While I myself haven’t fully processed relocating, I’ve seen how it has been affecting those close to me, including my cat.
I’ve had my cat, Gavin, for 15 years. We adopted him when he was 1 year old, making him 16 years old now (80 years old in human years). He’s still very active, though, and doesn’t look his age at all. Gavin is an indoor cat; his knowledge of the outside world is nearly nonexistent. When moving in the past, he was very stressed and unhappy being in his cage and traveling in the car. He will be staying with my mom and her boyfriend, but regardless of who he would have been going with, I know he’ll be very stressed like usual. Fortunately, he and my mom’s boyfriend love each other, so we’re hoping that will help soften the blow of me no longer living with him every day.
My cat, Gavin 😺
As mentioned earlier, I still haven’t fully processed moving, and the big day is less than a week away at the time of me writing this. I think once I’m actually in my new place, and have spent the first night alone, it will hit me hard. I will certainly miss my mom and cat. I’m sure that not living with me everyday anymore will be the most difficult part of moving for my mom. I think Gavin will miss me too; a few months ago, I spent about a week in New York, and my mom sent me pictures of Gavin sitting outside my bedroom door. The good thing, though, is that I won’t be too far away, so visiting won’t be a problem.
Of the three places in my current town that I’ve lived in, I haven’t become attached to any of them. I have, however, developed an attachment to the town itself. As I’m sure a lot of people experience, I feel most comfortable in familiar environments. I know my way around this town very well, so I’m thinking it will be a huge shock to my system living in another area that I’m not too familiar with yet.
Ready or not, though, the day is upon me. Whenever I finally experience the full effect of stress caused by moving, I know that overall I am looking forward to beginning this new chapter in my life. The place I’m moving into seems very promising, so that definitely helps.
Wish me luck! ~ TM
After Domestic Violence: Relationships & Breaking Cycles
A while back I posted a blog about “Recovering from Domestic Violence“. And throughout that writing process, I was sure that I wouldn’t be interested in anyone for a VERY long time. But I found myself oddly attracted to a few people and found my intuition leading me. So this is how I experienced the formulation of a new relationship after domestic violence.
Scroll all the way to the bottom for the key take-aways!
We’re Attracted to Familiarity/Potential
When I first experienced attraction to a person after domestic violence, I questioned myself what I liked about them. I couldn’t pin point what at first, but with time I understood that they were familiar to me. AND I can’t forget about potential. In the past, when I experienced familiarity, I went for it because I saw potential. The familiarity I knew was typically by how they were internally. Which was in need of healing, stagnant in mindset, lower vibrational, addictive, etc. but with a little deception of appearing higher or better.
I can confidently say that my last relationship taught me that familiarity isn’t always a good thing. And tonever fall in love with someone’s potential.
What I’ve been seeing and have experienced is that, familiarity attraction has led to more low vibrational, stagnant, domestic violent, toxic and emotionally damaging relationships. And because of how we perceive different things, we stick with what we know.
Reminder: Just because someone is familiar and you like them, it doesn’t mean you have to stay with them if they are treating you like shit. We may not be aware but families teach us that we should be tolerant of toxicity. That’s even though we don’t like how it feels.
My Experience with a New Relationship After Domestic Violence
The second person I found myself attracted to, my attraction to them was extremely strong that it really surprised me. I wasn’t familiar with anything about them. This attraction actually scared me. My brain was trying so hard to find anything that was familiar about this person that was rooted in trauma. When my brain couldn’t find anything, something made me question my attraction to this person. I questioned myself if it was obligation to stay or genuine interest to grow. Sure as shit, it was genuine and not obligation like my other relationships where I felt bad for leaving.
The First Kiss: Listening to Intuition
As cheesy as this sounds, I’ve always said that I’d know when a person is for me by the first kiss. In my past relationship, I knew for sure and deep down that the person I was with, wasn’t for me by the very first kiss. I was actually confused when I felt nothing kissing this person.
But I ignored my intuition. Never ignore intuition.
With the person I felt this strong attraction to, the first kiss made me feel everything. Through my experience of trying to see if our connection was genuine, I kept going back to that moment.
Other Moments I Visited
During the talking stage, I needed to understand my emotions I experienced with this person. I literally sat down and thought about every possible thing. It was because I was afraid to lose myself again in a toxic, emotionally damaging and domestic violent relationship. I was still finding myself.
I stopped myself in the dumps of anxiety and fear to visit the moments this person and I shared. I wasn’t going miss out on a person who was loving, kind, vulnerable, genuine, straightforward, understanding, and just everything I dreamt of. We even share the same values, have similar views on the world, and want to grow!
My Nervous System After Domestic Violence
My therapist described my experience response under the polyvagal theory. Which basically explains that my nervous system was conditioned to think that I wasn’t going to ever get what I wanted/dreamt of… So, in the moment, my nervous system was like “Now what? We didn’t think we were actually going to get what we dreamt of or wanted.”
Key Take-Aways
If you’re going to take away something from this blog, remember:
Never ignore intuition.
Don’t get into relationships out of obligation and/or because you feel bad for someone.
Familiarity isn’t always good for you.
Just because you like/love them, it doesn’t mean you have to stay with them if they are treating you like shit.
Never fall in love with someone’s potential.
Potential is an idea that aren’t typically acted on.
It’s normal to freak out or not know what to do when you get in a healthier relationship.
Take the time to heal to be your best self!
Gabe H.
7 Ways to Overcome Caring About What Others Think
I want to break down why we care so much about perception. Because I believe caring about what others think about us is so damaging. Caring about outside perception keeps us away from knowing what we believe about ourselves and knowing ourselves.
I personally admit that I think a lot about how people perceive me. And it’s rooted in so much shame, pride and fear.
Caring and having the desire to know the perception of others is really a deeper desire for control. And for me, it is a form of anxiety. If I could control how people see me, technically I could control outcomes in my life. And I think, selfishly, that’s a want we all have.
Under the Layers: Authenticity
My authenticity is hidden under layers of my own perceptions of worth…. And a masking layer is applied every time I think negatively about who I am.
This is so hard with mental health struggles because some conditions create repetitive negative or intrusive thought cycles. Such as my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). I also tend to feel like I am not worth being around because I have these conditions. So therefore I am starving myself of value and now am hungry for approval from others to replace what should be my core values.
I imagine a lot of this is due to the fast pace of media. Like the pressure it creates, catchy headlines and misleading or emotionally charged information. In general, it is making it difficult for us to know our values. To study what we care about, our opinions, and then therefore, finding people to uplift those opinions and strengthen us.
Caring About What Others Think
So the question becomes, despite the above, how do I free myself from wanting that control, and ultimately nixing the need for external validation? What is the discovery process for identifying our values in a world that doesn’t give a lot of space for formulating self-opinion? For having a belief system, and even giving work life balance to achieve a form of self care and exploration?
I’ve learned that starts with peeling back the layers of negative thought and letting more of my authenticity appear in the cracks. For me, this is what that process looks like:
ONE: Identifying what I value and what I believe to Overcome Caring
Taking time to educate yourself in your belief structure is crucial to adjusting the course of your life and giving you direction. We are so often sold on the idea that exploration of beliefs is a lifelong process. While this is true, in the evolution of what we believe, it is not an excuse to avoid making firm statements. Especially truths and ideas during our daily lives, starting in the present. I personally have become fearful of making firm statements. Mainly because there are not a lot of safe spaces to express new thoughts and strong ideas today. Especially if it counteracts the majority opinion.
An example of this for me was confirming and standing up for my religion. It gives me structure, faith, and direction. I now know what to give time to in my educational process, in the people and experiences I look for, and that gives me confidence. It takes away negative, doubtful thoughts and gives me a truthful narrative.
If you walk through life without confirming any truths, and you are constantly evolving with sporadic media and emotional voices, or thinking you need to recreate who you are constantly, you are opening up all those cracks for doubt, confusion and exhaustion. Being malleable and deepening education is key, but not anchoring yourself anywhere can create circles, and constant needs of reassurance. You have the ability to make time for this mindset change in your life. And therefore, you don’t need to go on autopilot (aka, be runned by your anxiety driven thoughts).
TWO: Taking care of my physical and mental self is the best type of caring
Investing in yourself daily, in whatever way you are able, no matter the amount, gives evidence that you believe in yourself, and that you matter. This might be in the form of reading, boundary setting, drinking the green juice, going for a walk, journaling, whatever works for you. By neglecting to do this over long periods of time, you are putting value on other things over yourself. If we value other things, we are telling ourselves what we care about, perhaps work, or the opinions of others. Investing in yourself with the highest currency, time, is one of the ultimate forms of self care and with the bonus of giving us back from control that we might be seeking in validation.
THREE: Being kind and focusing on loving others
When I become very self aware for many days and hours, it usually means I am under distress. Or I am becoming more self-centered. A lot of us shutter at the word self-centered, which is totally understandable (me too). However, self-centeredness is actually a great indicator that we just need to adjust where our focus lies.
This can also include taking inventory of overall spatial awareness. Also awareness of others, and doing a check on our ignorance or assumptions. Taking the light off of us and shining it on others is a great way to improve connection in relationships and our community. Acts of kindness; sending a text, making dinner for someone, etc, can really re-ground us in gratitude and emotional needs. It gives us a better understanding of the human experience. It also allows us to sometimes exercise a sense of vulnerability. Kindness and caring often requires empathy, or taking a risk, or sharing a part of our story.
FOUR: Making gratitude a requirement in my day, like eating a meal
Gratitude is a word often used in methods to improve happiness. Especially being in the present. Which helps with reducing anxiety and so on. And while this isn’t a new concept, the reminder of gratitude is important. One of the ways I’ve improved my gratitude dialogue is by viewing gratitude as a requirement. It’s like eating meals in a day. As a Christian, I get the visual prompt when eating to pray for my meal. And often try to slip in other words of thanks for parts of my day that once seemed insignificant.
Pairing a visual cue, like mealtime, with the act of giving thanks, can help rescale the balance between negative thoughts and dialogue in your day.
FIVE: Taking inventory of the content I am consuming; social media, music, conversations, books, television, etc.
This is a habit change that so easily goes under my radar it’s scary. But when I switch up my media I notice an overnight and overwhelming change in my mindset. I also believe this is a habit we don’t need to constantly be strict with. But be strict with checking in with ritualistically. If you find yourself struggling to keep a more positive persona about yourself; your worth, value, age, appearance, success, and so on, it may be catalyzed by your consumption.
This is something you can do today to make a potentially big impact for your tomorrow.
SIX: Staying curious; exploring new things I might enjoy like new wine, or foods, a hobby, even a style of clothing or cosmetics, books and literature, etc.
Trying new things gives us permission to fail. Sometimes it’s a small consequence such as regretting a takeout selection, and sometimes, it’s taking a risk and quitting your job in pursuit of your dreams. Demonstrating to yourself and others that you decided to feed your curiosity, that you are worth investing in yourself, gives you a foundation of personality and authenticity. Therefore, minimizing the need to look to others for answers and approvals when you’re already seeking them yourself. By being curious you want to learn about the world and those interests point towards what you love, and when we focus on love we gain gratitude and joy and that also reduces anxious feelings.
SEVEN: Investing in things I believe in (such as goals, people, activities) even if others don’t understand the level of commitment or why I am putting the time/effort
I think strong authenticity, values and characteristics appear when our doubts are at their highest level. When we call upon ourselves to invest time and energy into a dream, a goal, despite the statistical odds, or others opinions…we are betting on ourselves. We then bet again, bet again, bet again, until we get the outcome we want. In this circular process we stop caring about other people’s bets or validation because we’re too busy rolling the dice, and finding out new things about ourselves while we build strength and stamina along the way.
In all these methods, the pattern is to get too invested to care, dig, explore, educate and lay firm foundations that are so strong that validation from others, or from this broken world are weak against what you’ve created.
Moving Out On Your Own For The First Time
How did you feel when you were moving out for the first time? Have any tips? Let us know!
Thank you for listening! If you enjoyed our podcast, make sure you follow us @TurningPointCT to stay up to date with what teens and young adults in CT are talking about! You can find us wherever you stream podcasts (ex. Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts)!
Man, life after graduation can go one of two ways: very busy/chaotic or very relaxing! I can say that my life after graduation has been a little chaotic. But not in a bad way!
Good Chaos After Graduation
To be honest, I really planned to relax after graduation but the universe had a different plan for me! In all honesty, I really planned on only healing, going to work, and nothing else. But with healing, everything else starts to move too!
Reminder: Going with the flow is a must when things are coming your way!
You can’t sit there and say “tHiS iS hArD” and then stop in your tracks because that’s fear talking. It’s valid to say “this is hard” but never allow fear stop you from great things! I almost missed out on a great opportunity because of fear.
You gotta keep going because great opportunities will keep coming as long as you’re open to them as experiences!
Because of my openness, I’ve received so many good things and opportunities from the universe. All of which were very overwhelming at first but allowing myself to go with the flow worked in my favor :). I leveled up in many areas and met new/amazing people that will be there in my future!
Taking Steps into Adulthood after Graduating
I think many of us think about adulthood and kind of freak out because there’s no exact understanding on “how to adult”. Old people make it seem like everything is easy but in reality, adulting takes self-patience. It’s a process!
So it’s okay not knowing how to adult!!! I’m 23 and still learning and I know people in their 40s still learning how to adult! So please don’t worry about not knowing!
– Dez 🙂
National Minority Mental Health Awareness Month: The System
July is National Minority Mental Health Awareness Month. This awareness month brings awareness to the challenges and unique struggles that affect the mental health of racial and ethnic minority communities. As someone of the racial and ethnic minority communities, I face a lot of unique struggles and challenges. These challenges and unique struggles are presented everywhere… In relationships, at work, with family, in society, etc.
Throughout my healing journey, I found that nearly all of my mental health disparities tie to my race and ethnicity. To be direct, white assimilated people’s cognitive dissonance and racial/ethnic ignorance has negatively impacted my mental health. And that statement is 100% true for all of minority communities.
The System vs. Minority Mental Health
One of the biggest struggle I’m currently facing, is the health system’s role in declining the mental health of minority racial and ethnic communities. At this point, it kind of feels like they enjoy marginalizing already marginalized people. So, from the bottom of my heart and the deepest depth of my soul,FUCK the system and the health system!
The system and health system always dismiss minority communities. But mostly, perpetuate and continue making the minority communities unattended to in order to keep us under the label of “minority”. These factors actually lower the help we receive for our mental health! And it really has a lot to do with how society is very oriented to the white cisgender male and/or white population.
** That’s a clue to understanding white assimilation. **
Listening to My Body & Ancestors
Although the system caused a lot of trauma and mental health decline, I learned more about my roots. I wasn’t able to learn from my family/environment as they were assimilated to white society. They were deep within their learned cognitive dissonance.
Due to this circumstance, I did a lot of intuitive learning from my ancestors, researched what I’ve learned, and started healing myself at home. My experiences with the system and “health” system has made me turn to ancestral holistic methods of healing. I learned to self-medicate through herbal remedies and heal via ancient/ancestral methods that were lost in cultural assimilation. I’m grateful for my experiences.
Racial/Ethnic Minority Mental Health Matters
Regardless of my gratefulness, no one should have to experience mental health disparities because of unique struggles or challenges of race and ethnicity. Everyone should work on their white assimilated ways, cognitive dissonance, and racial/ethnic ignorance.
Reminder: No one is safe from white assimilation nor racial/ethnic ignorance. And if you’re a person of racial/ethnic minority groups, know that you are NOT alone.
– Dez 🙂
Men’s Health Month: The Connection Between Physical & Mental Health
Thank you for listening! If you enjoyed our podcast, make sure you follow us @TurningPointCT to stay up to date with what teens and young adults in CT are talking about! You can find us wherever you stream podcasts (ex. Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts)!
Who said hobbies have to be practical or useful in our everyday lives? Many of us kind of think about adopting a new hobby or hobbies. And some of us kind of think about adopting renewed hobbies. There’s no shame in renewing a hobby we once enjoyed before.
No one really talks about the self talk we have because of other people’s poisonous cognitive patterns. We often get stopped in our tracks by the unreal expectations of “ReAl LiFe” application or usefulness. All of which were placed on us by other people! Stop listening to those thoughts!
My Renewed Hobbies: Guitar Hero, Math, & Physics
I can confidently say that my renewed hobbies come from past passions. And it’s definitely not useful to my career path or anything like that. It’s geeky and nerdy. The first renewed hobby was something I was very conscious about because people found it to be a waste of time.
Nothing that improves mental health is a waste of time to me. Avoiding passions and being bitter are wastes of time.
Renewed Hobby #1
My first renewed hobby is guitar hero! Not really, lol. But it is very similar…it’s Clone Hero. I was able to download the songs I liked from other games from this doc. I thought it was cool asf! What’s even better is that you can download any song you want to play. from Chorus. What’s even better is that it’s all free!
From least expensive to more expensive: You can use your laptop keyboard, a separate bluetooth keyboard, random remote that has a USB end, remote that can connect via bluetooth, or even a guitar hero guitar.
Renewed Hobby #2
This second renewed hobby is definitely a nerdy one; math and physics. In middle and high school, I really enjoyed math and physics. Going to college, I didn’t have much time to continue enjoying those hobbies. So, I went to Khan Academy, signed in and added what I wanted to re-learn and continue learning. Khan Academy is also free! No need to pay money to learn and do things you want to!
Breaking out of Hobby Expectations
I think this kind of brings many points together. Essentially that:
We don’t need money to do simple hobbies
What improves our mental health shouldn’t have to meet societal expectations
And, being a geek or nerd can be fun and is cool
In case you’ve missed it, nothing that improves mental health is a waste of time. Avoiding passions and being bitter are wastes of time. Also, in a materialistic world, find something non-materialistic. Non-materialistic things can greatly improve your mental health!
– Dez 🙂
10 Simple Acts of Kindness You Can Do Today
As a society, we tend to focus on our own needs and wants, often forgetting about the simple acts of kindness that can make a big difference in someone’s day.
Kindness is the act of being friendly, generous, and considerate to others, and it is something that can have a profound impact on both the giver and the receiver.
In this article, I will discuss what kindness is, its importance, and 10 simple acts of kindness you can do today to make someone’s day.
What is Kindness?
Kindness is defined as the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate. It is the act of going out of your way to help others without expecting anything in return. This can be something as simple as holding the door open for someone, giving a compliment, or offering a helping hand to someone in need. Kindness is a positive trait that can have a ripple effect, inspiring others to be kind as well.
Why is Kindness Important?
Kindness is important because it helps to create a positive and supportive environment. When we are kind to others, it not only benefits them, but it also benefits us. Acts of kindness can help to reduce stress, increase happiness, and improve overall well-being. Kindness can also help to bridge cultural and social divides, bringing people together and promoting understanding and empathy.
Kindness Quotes to Inspire You
Here are some inspiring quotes about kindness that will motivate you to be more compassionate and caring:
“No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted.” – Aesop
“Remember there’s no such thing as a small act of kindness. Every act creates a ripple with no logical end.” – Scott Adams
“Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.” – Mark Twain
“The greatest gift you can give someone is your kindness and attention.” – Debasish Mridha
“A single act of kindness throws out roots in all directions, and the roots spring up and make new trees.” – Amelia Earhart
The Benefits of Being Kind
Being kind has numerous benefits for both the giver and the receiver. When we practice kindness, it can help to:
Reduce stress and anxiety
Boost happiness and well-being
Improve social connections and relationships
Promote empathy and understanding
Increase self-esteem and confidence
Create a positive and supportive environment
10 Simple Acts of Kindness You Can Do Today
Here are 10 simple acts of kindness that you can do today to make someone’s day:
1. Smile and say hello
A simple smile and greeting can go a long way in brightening someone’s day. It only takes a few seconds, but it can help to create a positive and friendly environment.
2. Hold the door open
Holding the door open for someone is a small act of kindness that can show consideration and respect. It can also help to make someone’s day a little easier.
3. Give a compliment
Giving a genuine compliment can help to boost someone’s confidence and self-esteem. It can also help to create a positive and supportive environment.
4. Help someone in need
Offering a helping hand to someone in need can make a big difference in their day. Whether it’s helping someone carry their groceries, offering directions, or simply listening to someone who needs to talk, small acts of kindness can have a profound impact.
5. Pay it forward
Random acts of kindness can help to create a chain reaction of positivity. Whether it’s paying for someone’s coffee or leaving a kind note for a stranger, paying it forward can help to spread kindness and compassion.
6. Volunteer your time
Volunteering your time for a cause you believe in can help to make a positive impact in your community. It can also help to promote empathy and understanding.
7. Send a thank-you note
Sending a thank-you note to someone who has helped you or made a positive impact in your life can show your appreciation and gratitude. It can also help to strengthen relationships and create a positive and supportive environment.
8. Offer words of encouragement
Offering words of encouragement to someone who is going through a tough time can help to lift their spirits and provide support. It can also help to promote empathy and understanding.
9. Listen without judgment
Listening without judgment can help to create a safe and supportive environment. It can also help to promote understanding and empathy.
10. Practice self-kindness
Practicing self-kindness is important for our overall well-being. Whether it’s taking a break to relax, treating yourself to something you enjoy, or simply being kind to yourself in your thoughts, small acts of self-kindness can have a big impact.
Random Acts of Kindness Ideas
Here are some additional random acts of kindness ideas that you can do to spread positivity and compassion:
Leave a kind note for a stranger
Buy a meal for someone in need
Donate to a charity you believe in
Offer to pet-sit for a friend
Send a care package to someone who could use a little extra love
Offer to help a neighbor with yard work or house cleaning
Give someone a hug or a high-five
Kindness in the Workplace
Practicing kindness in the workplace is important for creating a positive and supportive environment. Here are some ways you can practice kindness at work:
Offer to help a coworker with a project
Give a compliment or words of encouragement to a coworker
Bring in treats to share with your coworkers
Listen without judgment when a coworker needs to talk
Offer to cover for a coworker who needs to take time off
Teaching Kindness to Children
Teaching kindness to children is important for promoting empathy, respect, and understanding. Here are some ways you can teach kindness to children:
Model kindness and compassion in your own behavior
Encourage children to help others and practice acts of kindness
Teach children to respect others’ differences and promote understanding
Read books about kindness and compassion with children
Kindness in the Digital Age
In today’s digital age, it’s important to remember to practice kindness and compassion online as well. Here are some ways you can promote kindness in the digital world:
Use social media to spread positivity and compassion
Avoid cyberbullying and negative comments online
Practice empathy and understanding when communicating online
Use technology to connect with others and promote understanding
In conclusion, kindness is an important trait that can have a profound impact on both the giver and the receiver.
By practicing simple acts of kindness, we can create a positive and supportive environment that promotes empathy, understanding, and compassion. So take a few minutes today to do something kind for someone else – it may be small, but it can make a big difference in someone’s day.
So, which act of kindness are you going to do today? Share your thoughts in the comments below!
This week’s Reels are both from Therell’s interview with Paige Reynolds and Joshua Perez from Child First Greater Bridgeport! In the first Reel, they talk about music, with a mention of popular TV show Impractical Jokers. In the second Reel, Paige, Josh, and Therell give advice & share some wisdom.
John Mayer on Impractical Jokers
After Paige shares that John Mayer is one of her favorite music artists, Therell asks her if she has seen his episode on Impractical Jokers.
Thanks for tuning in! Check out last week’s Reels here, and Therell’s interview with Paige and Josh here!
July Themes ’23
Hello everyone! This is what July will be filled with! Feel free to share our July themes or even share your experiences/opinions! To submit an article, be a guest on a podcast or provide a video for July or in the future, email Dez at dchapman@positivedirections.org.
From Plate to Mind: How Sharing a Meal Can Boost Your Mental Health
In today’s fast-paced world, it’s easy to dismiss the importance of a shared meal. Essentially, opting for quick and convenient options instead. But have you ever considered the profound impact that breaking bread with others can have on your mental well-being?
The simple act of eating together fosters a sense of belonging and connection. It provides a natural antidote to feelings of isolation and loneliness.
Dive into the fascinating science behind this phenomenon and discover how embracing the age-old tradition of sharing meals can nourish not only your body but also your mind.
Embark on this culinary journey with me. Let’s unravel the secrets to a happier, healthier, and more connected life – one plate at a time.
Personally, after becoming a Christian I had an entirely new viewpoint on food. My taste buds and mind was shifted into a new fascination with food resembling more than just nutrients.
Not just in the antidotes provided in Scripture but the act of fellowship itself, the bonding ties of doing an act that for myself and many others has become chore like, and downright redundant. Yes, food has always been an essential part of our daily lives. It sustains us.
But it also brings us together, and can even have a significant impact on our mental health.
Don’t worry, we will also touch on hosting dinner parties. And potlucks to build social networks (seriously, my favorite thing has become hosting). By the end of this article, you should have a greater understanding of the importance of shared meals for better mental health.
The connection between meals and mental health
It is not surprising that the food we eat can have a significant impact on our mental health. After all, our brains require various nutrients to function correctly. And a well-balanced diet can help provide these essential building blocks.
Research has shown that a well-rounded diet rich in fruits, vegetables, whole grains, lean proteins, and healthy fats can help reduce the risk of developing mental health disorders. Such as depression and anxiety. Additionally, certain nutrients, such as omega-3 fatty acids, B vitamins, and antioxidants, have been found to play a vital role in maintaining and improving:
brain function
mood, and
overall mental well-being
However, the connection between food and mental health goes beyond the nutrients we consume. The act of eating and sharing a meal can also have a profound impact on our mental well-being. Particularly in terms of fostering social connections and promoting a sense of belonging.
In fact, studies have shown that individuals who regularly share meals with others tend to have lower levels of stress and depression. As well as higher levels of overall life satisfaction.
The importance of social connection in mental well-being
Social connection is a fundamental human need.
We are social creatures, and our brains are wired to seek the companionship and support of others. Research has shown that strong social connections can boost our mental health. It can increase our resilience to stress, and even improve our physical health.
Conversely, social isolation and loneliness can have detrimental effects on our mental well-being. It increases the risk of depression, anxiety, and even cognitive decline.
One way to promote social connection and foster mental well-being is through shared meals.
Eating together is an age-old tradition that transcends cultures and geographical boundaries. It serves as a powerful means of strengthening relationships, fostering a sense of community, and building social networks.
By sharing a meal, we not only nourish our bodies but also our minds. Especially, as we engage in conversation, share stories, and create lasting memories.
How sharing a meal fosters social connection
There is something inherently social about eating together. Whether it’s a casual lunch with coworkers or an elaborate family feast, sharing a meal creates a sense of togetherness and belonging. When we eat together, we are more likely to engage in meaningful conversations. We are more likely to share experiences, and form bonds that can last a lifetime.
Sharing a meal also encourages us to be more present and mindful in the moment, as we focus on the food, the company, and the atmosphere. This mindfulness can help reduce stress, increase feelings of happiness, and promote a sense of gratitude for the food on our plates and the people in our lives.
As someone with severe anxiety, staying present feels almost possible, but when I am sharing a meal or in an atmosphere with others revolving around a seated space, I actually feel present.
An underlying benefit is shared meals can help create a sense of routine and stability. When I have a terrible work day, or am battling a state of very high stress, I find an ease gently into the expected comfort of sharing a meal with my husband.
The comforts of freshly baked bread on a Wednesday night laced with the scent of cooking wine, and real wine of course, can remind us what matters. We are alive another day. We are given the ability and gift to eat. And we are with the ones we love.
When we share a meal with others, we have the chance to discuss our feelings, share our experiences, and offer support and encouragement to those around us. This can help create a sense of camaraderie and understanding, reducing feelings of isolation and loneliness.
Moreover, the act of eating together can also promote feelings of trust and cooperation. When we break bread with others, we are more likely to feel a sense of shared responsibility and a desire to work together towards a common goal.
This can help strengthen relationships, build social networks, and contribute to a sense of community and social cohesion.
Nutrient-rich foods that promote mental health
While the social aspect of shared meals is undoubtedly important for mental health, it is also crucial to consider the types of foods we consume during these gatherings. I have chronic health conditions and over the years I’ve come to learn and appreciate deeply the power of food.
Educating yourself on foods that can work from the inside out in a positive way can have a profound impact on changing your life in a significant way.
Eating a well-balanced diet rich in nutrient-dense foods can have a significant impact on our mental well-being, providing the essential building blocks for optimal brain function and mood regulation.
Some key nutrients to consider for mental health include:
Omega-3 fatty acids: Found in fatty fish, such as salmon, mackerel, and sardines, as well as in nuts and seeds, such as walnuts and flaxseeds, these essential fats are vital for brain function and have been linked to improved mood and reduced risk of depression.
B vitamins: Found in whole grains, legumes, leafy greens, and lean proteins, B vitamins play a crucial role in energy production and neurotransmitter synthesis, helping to support mood regulation and cognitive function.
Antioxidants: Found in colorful fruits and vegetables, as well as in nuts and seeds, antioxidants help protect the brain from oxidative stress and inflammation, which can contribute to mental health disorders such as depression and anxiety.
Fiber: Found in whole grains, fruits, vegetables, and legumes, fiber can help stabilize blood sugar levels, which can have a significant impact on mood and energy levels.
By incorporating these nutrient-rich foods into shared meals, we can not only promote social connection but also nourish our minds and support optimal mental health.
Cooking meals together as a bonding experience
The act of preparing a meal can be just as important for mental health and social connection as the act of eating together. Cooking together can be a fun and rewarding experience that allows individuals to bond, share knowledge, and create lasting memories.
For adults, cooking together can provide an opportunity to unwind, engage in meaningful conversation, and strengthen relationships with family members, friends, or romantic partners.
Moreover, cooking together can help individuals develop essential life skills, such as time management, problem-solving, and teamwork. By working together to create a delicious and nutritious meal, we not only nourish our bodies but also our minds and relationships.
A few tips for deeper meal times!
Regular family or even single mealtimes can have a profound impact. Studies have shown that families who eat together regularly tend to have stronger relationships, better communication, and higher levels of overall life satisfaction. This can include establishing a routine for yourself!
Establish a routine: Aim to have family meals at the same time each day, creating a sense of predictability and stability for all family members. For yourself, a routine of eating can help promote the other parts of your routine (hygiene, workouts, cleaning).
Make it enjoyable: Keep mealtime conversations light and engaging, focusing on positive topics and avoiding conflict or criticism. If you’re solo, this also includes the content you consume on social media, or watching negative shows/news.
Minimize distractions if you’re in a group: Turn off the television and put away electronic devices, creating a distraction-free environment that allows for meaningful conversation and connection.
Try new foods: Encourage children and adults alike to try new and varied foods, expanding their palate and promoting healthy eating habits. If you’re single, order from a new place or cook a new meal!
Make it a priority: Prioritize family mealtimes, even if they have to be quick and simple. Remember that the act of eating together is more important than what is actually on the menu. By yourself? Feed yourself. When I was on the grind in NYC I would commonly skip meals and this was only having a negative effect on my body – and I wasn’t giving myself rest. I was feeding a high workaholic nature.
Hosting dinner parties and potlucks to build social networks
Don’t freak out. As someone with social anxiety and more introvert tendencies, I get it, this is scary. But I found this was one of the best things I could do for myself! Learning how to host, and inviting people into a shared space – especially since I consider myself someone who is more isolated than others.
Hosting dinner parties and potlucks can be a fun and rewarding way to bring people together, share good food, and create lasting connections.
To host a successful dinner party or potluck, consider the following tips:
Plan ahead: Decide on a theme or menu and make a shopping list in advance. Consider any dietary restrictions or preferences of your guests. Sometimes coming up with a theme really helps!
Keep it simple: Don’t try to prepare a complicated or elaborate meal. Stick with dishes that are easy to prepare and can be made in advance. Or dinners and recipes that you know very well, and are comfortable making.
Create a welcoming atmosphere: Set the table, create a cozy ambiance with candles or soft lighting, and consider playing some background music to set the mood.
Encourage conversation: Provide conversation starters or games to help break the ice and encourage guests to engage with one another.
Allow for flexibility: Don’t stress if things don’t go exactly as planned. Allow for flexibility and go with the flow, enjoying the company of your guests and the shared experience of a meal together.
Whether it’s cooking together as a family, hosting a dinner party, or simply sitting down to a meal with friends, sharing a meal is a powerful means of nourishing both our bodies and our minds. So the next time you sit down to eat, remember that you are not just nourishing your body, but also your relationships and your mental health. Bon appétit!
During Therell’s interview with Child First Greater Bridgeport, he and Josh notice that they are wearing both similar clothes and practically the same colors! 😂
Thank you for staying connected with us! Check out last week’s Reels here!
The Power of Words: Why Mental Health Terminology Matters
Thank you for listening! If you enjoyed our podcast, make sure you follow us @TurningPointCT to stay up to date with what teens and young adults in CT are talking about! You can find us wherever you stream podcasts (ex. Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts)!
Both of Therell’s Reels are from a mental health discussion he did with Paige Reynolds and Joshua Perez from Child First Greater Bridgeport. Therell split the discussion into 4 parts. Check out parts 1 and 2 on our YouTube channel; PART ONE | PART TWO.
The first Reel introduces Paige and Josh. In the second Reel, Therell asks Josh about the Star Wars video game(s) Jedi: Fallen Order & Jedi: Survivor.
Thank you for watching! Watch our previous Reels HERE!
Unleashing Your Potential: How Focusing on Solutions, Not Problems, Transforms Your Communication
Do you ever find yourself drowning in a sea of problems, unable to see the shore of possibilities? In a world where negativity often takes center stage, it’s easy to become overwhelmed by the issues we face. But what if we could shift our perspective and focus on solutions, not problems? This seemingly simple change can have a profound impact on our communication, relationships, and overall well-being.
So, let’s dive in and discover how focusing on solutions, not problems, can transform your communication and unleash your full potential.
The Power of Positivity in Communication
The way we communicate not only reflects our thoughts and feelings, but it also shapes them.
When we express ourselves with a negative, problem-focused attitude, we inadvertently reinforce our belief that things are hopeless and insurmountable.
This mindset can cloud our judgment, hinder creative problem-solving, and ultimately, drag down our mood and relationships.
On the other hand, adopting a positive, solution-oriented approach to communication can be truly transformative.
By concentrating on what can be done rather than dwelling on what’s wrong, we open ourselves up to more possibilities and create an environment where collaboration, innovation, and growth can flourish.
This positive energy can be contagious, inspiring those around us to adopt a similar mindset and work together toward common goals.
In essence, positivity in communication is about more than just conveying a cheerful demeanor; it’s about actively seeking out solutions and emphasizing the potential for improvement. This optimistic outlook not only helps us navigate challenges more effectively but also fosters stronger, more supportive relationships with others.
How Shifting Your Mindset Improves Relationships
Our mindset plays a crucial role in determining the quality of our relationships.
When we focus on problems, we often get stuck in a cycle of blame, defensiveness, and resentment. This negative energy can create barriers between us and our loved ones or colleagues, preventing us from truly connecting and working together effectively.
However, when we choose to focus on solutions, we cultivate an atmosphere of cooperation, empathy, and understanding. This shift in perspective allows us to see past our differences and work together to overcome obstacles. By emphasizing the potential for positive change, we empower ourselves and others to rise above challenges and grow together.
In addition, a solution-focused mindset can help us foster more meaningful connections with others.
When we approach conversations with a genuine interest in finding solutions, we demonstrate that we value the other person’s perspective and are committed to resolving issues collaboratively.
This mutual respect and trust can form the foundation of strong, lasting relationships, both personally and professionally.
Strategies for Solution-Focused Communication
Developing a solution-focused approach to communication requires practice and intentionality. Here are some strategies to help you cultivate this mindset and transform your interactions:
Reframe the problem: Instead of focusing on what’s wrong, try to view the issue as an opportunity for growth and improvement. Ask yourself, “What can be learned from this situation?” or “How can we turn this challenge into a positive outcome?”
Ask solution-focused questions: When discussing problems, steer the conversation toward solutions by asking open-ended questions like, “What steps can we take to resolve this?” or “How can we work together to overcome this obstacle?”
Listen actively: Show that you value the other person’s perspective by giving them your undivided attention, reflecting their feelings, and summarizing their ideas. This demonstrates your commitment to finding a solution and fosters a collaborative atmosphere.
Stay positive: I get it. As someone with mental health and anxiety this is a tall order. Focus on the potential for positive change and express confidence in your ability (and others’) to find solutions. Encourage and celebrate progress, no matter how small. I find I can still do this if I am mindful despite my severe anxiety.
Practice empathy: Put yourself in the other person’s shoes and try to understand their feelings and perspective. This can help you approach the problem with a more open mind and find solutions that meet everyone’s needs.
Overcoming Common Barriers to Solution-Focused Thinking
Despite our best intentions, we may sometimes struggle to maintain a solution-focused mindset. Here are some common barriers and how to overcome them:
Fear of failure: The fear of failing can make us hesitant to explore new solutions or take risks. Remind yourself that failure is a natural part of the learning process and that each setback brings you one step closer to success.
Negativity bias: Our brains are wired to pay more attention to negative information than positive information, which can make it challenging to focus on solutions. Counteract this tendency by consciously looking for the positive aspects of any situation and expressing gratitude for the progress you’ve made.
Perfectionism: Ugh, my enemy. Perfectionists often fixate on problems, striving to achieve an ideal that may be unrealistic or unattainable. Practice self-compassion and remind yourself that progress is more important than perfection. ← I have this as a sticky note on my laptop.
Resistance to change: Change can be uncomfortable, and it’s natural to feel resistant at times. Embrace the uncertainty and view change as an opportunity for growth and learning.
Developing a Positive Communication Style
A positive communication style is key to fostering a solution-focused mindset. Here are some tips for cultivating a constructive, solution-oriented approach to communication:
Use “I” statements: Express your feelings and thoughts using “I” statements, rather than placing blame or making accusations. This encourages open, honest dialogue without putting the other person on the defensive.
Be assertive: This word gets a bad wrap. But assertive does not mean rude, aggressive or unkind. It clearly and respectfully expresses your needs, opinions, and boundaries. This demonstrates your commitment to finding a solution that works for everyone involved. It also shows you care!
Avoid negative language: Choose your words carefully and avoid using negative language that can bring down the mood or hinder progress. Focus on what can be done, rather than what can’t. I started keeping a tally on my notepad every time I said something negative outloud, and was shocked at my count!
Offer praise and encouragement: Recognize the efforts and achievements of others, and offer praise and encouragement when appropriate. This helps to create a positive atmosphere and motivate everyone to continue working toward solutions.
Be open to feedback: Ask for and be receptive to feedback from others, and use this information to improve your communication and problem-solving skills.
The Impact of Solution-Focused Communication on Professional Relationships
In professional settings, solution-focused communication can lead to increased productivity, innovation, and job satisfaction. By concentrating on what can be done and working together to find solutions, teams can overcome challenges and achieve their goals more efficiently.
In both contexts, a solution-oriented approach to communication contributes to stronger, more supportive relationships built on trust, respect, and shared goals.
Tips for Maintaining a Solution-Oriented Mindset
Maintaining a solution-focused mindset requires consistent effort and practice. Here are some tips to help you stay on track:
Set realistic goals: Establish achievable goals for yourself and your relationships, and celebrate your progress along the way. I have a lot of articles, worksheets and even a masterclass about this! This is a BIG ONE.
Surround yourself with positivity: Surround yourself with supportive, solution-focused individuals who can help you stay positive and focused on growth.
Practice gratitude: Regularly express gratitude for the progress you’ve made, the lessons you’ve learned, and the support you’ve received from others. I have a gratitude notepad and set of sticky notes to write down little things in the day!
Stay open to learning: Embrace new experiences, ideas, and perspectives, and view challenges as opportunities to learn and grow.
Reflect on your progress: Regularly review your communication habits and strategies, and consider how you can continue to improve your solution-focused approach.
While it may take time and effort to develop a solution-focused mindset, the benefits are worth it. By reframing problems as opportunities, asking solution-focused questions, listening actively, staying positive, and practicing empathy, we can build a communication style that promotes growth, collaboration, and positivity.
So, why not take the first step today and start embracing a solution-focused mindset in your communication and relationships?
You may be surprised at the positive impact it can have on your life and the lives of those around you.
The other day I was filing to get a new birth certificate with my chosen legal name and affirmed gender because I wanted to get a passport. I had an idea of what I needed until I looked on the state website. So I ran into something that I like to call a “trans issue”. If you are trans and are looking to update your birth certificate in CT, click here.
What are Trans Issues?
Trans issues are struggles only transgender people face. Meaning, an issue cisgender people don’t have to EVER go through.
Trans Issue in Context
In the case of trying to get a new birth certificate, cisgender people only need to fill out a 1 page form to send to the state, town, or fed with a copy of their legal ID. For transgender people, we have to:
Fill out the form cisgender people fill out
Attach a copy of our ID or driver’s license (like cisgender people)
Have a doctor or psychiatrist fill out a form that they have to get notarized (to prove gender identity)
Fill out the form to get notarized (to also prove gender identity)
Provide COURT documents
And if you’re adopted (which I am), you must also provide adoption proof
If you are trans and are looking to update your birth certificate in CT, click here.
Why Trans Issues?
I find it weird that we (the trans community) have to go through these hurdles. We shouldn’t have to provide that much proof of our identity to anyone. To mention, it took me about 3 years to finally update everything to reflect my gender identity and legal name.
Although I updated things right away, the state didn’t update my name as it was updated federally, on my voter ID, state government issued ID, on the Selective Service System (war draft), and far more.
Being for real, what was the reason for going through all of this if I couldn’t get my birth certificate updated like any other person?
WE NEED POLICY CHANGE!
Regardless of someone’s gender identity circumstances, there should be some form of equity to lower the amount of struggle trans people face.
I think an updated government issued ID should be enough proof of our gender identity and name update. We should be able to provide the same number of documents cisgender people provide for everything. Especially because a lot of us went through well over enough hurdles.
– Dez
June Themes ’23
Hello everyone! This is what June will be filled with! Feel free to share our June themes or even share your experiences/opinions! To submit an article, be a guest on a podcast or provide a video for June or in the future, email Dez at dchapman@positivedirections.org.
Overcome Your Inner Critic: The Ultimate Guide to Silencing Voices of Doubt and Unlocking Your Full Potential
Every individual inevitably faces moments of self-doubt and criticism throughout their life. It is during these instances when our inner critic, a voice that questions our abilities and worth, emerges. This internal monologue can be detrimental to our self-esteem, confidence, and overall well-being. However, with the appropriate tools and mindset, it is possible to silence these voices of doubt and unlock our full potential.
The inner critic is a natural part of the human psyche, serving as a defense mechanism to protect us from perceived threats and failures. While it can occasionally be helpful in pushing us to strive for excellence, the inner critic can become overly harsh and unrelenting, hindering our personal growth and development. This article aims to provide a comprehensive guide to understanding the origins of self-doubt, recognizing common traits of the inner critic, and implementing strategies to overcome these limiting beliefs.
We will also discuss the impact of silencing voices on personal growth, building resilience against negative self-talk, and unlocking our full potential through self-compassion. Success stories of individuals who have conquered their inner critic will be shared, as well as a discussion on when to seek professional help. Ultimately, this guide serves as a reminder to embrace our journey to self-acceptance and success.
Understanding the origins of self-doubt
Self-doubt often stems from a combination of past experiences, societal expectations, and personal beliefs. To effectively silence the inner critic, it is important to understand the various factors that contribute to the development of self-doubt.
Childhood experiences play a significant role in shaping our inner critic. For example, overly critical or unsupportive parents, teachers, and peers can instill feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt. Additionally, experiences of bullying or rejection can have a lasting impact on our self-esteem and confidence.
Societal expectations can also contribute to the formation of the inner critic. We are often bombarded with images of perfection and success, leading to the belief that we must adhere to these unrealistic standards in order to be valued and accepted. This can result in a constant fear of failure and a persistent need for validation from others.
Lastly, personal beliefs and thought patterns are crucial in the development of self-doubt. Negative self-talk and all-or-nothing thinking can perpetuate feelings of inadequacy and hinder our progress towards personal growth. By identifying these beliefs and challenging their validity, we can begin to dismantle the inner critic and silence the voices of doubt.
Recognizing common traits of the inner critic
In order to effectively silence the inner critic, it is essential to recognize its common traits and manifestations. The inner critic can take various forms, including:
Perfectionism: The belief that anything less than perfect is unacceptable, leading to a constant fear of failure and procrastination.
Comparison: Continuously comparing ourselves to others, resulting in feelings of inadequacy and envy.
Self-sabotage: Engaging in behaviors that undermine our success, such as procrastination, neglecting self-care, or avoiding new opportunities.
Rumination: Obsessively dwelling on past mistakes or perceived flaws, preventing us from moving forward and focusing on the present moment.
By recognizing these traits, we can begin to identify the specific instances when our inner critic is at its loudest and develop targeted strategies to silence these voices of doubt.
Impact of silencing voices on personal growth
Silencing the inner critic can have profound effects on our personal growth and overall well-being. By freeing ourselves from the grip of self-doubt, we can cultivate greater self-confidence, resilience, and self-compassion. This, in turn, allows us to pursue our goals and dreams without fear of failure or rejection.
Additionally, silencing voices of doubt can improve our relationships with others. When we are no longer consumed by our own insecurities, we can be more present, authentic, and empathetic in our interactions with friends, family, and colleagues.
Moreover, by overcoming the inner critic, we can tap into our innate creativity and resourcefulness. Without the constant pressure to conform to unrealistic expectations, we can explore new ideas and possibilities, ultimately unlocking our full potential.
Strategies for overcoming the inner critic
a. Mindfulness and self-awareness
Cultivating mindfulness and self-awareness is a crucial first step in silencing the inner critic. By developing a greater understanding of our thoughts, emotions, and behavioral patterns, we can identify the specific triggers that exacerbate self-doubt and begin to implement targeted strategies to overcome these negative thought patterns.
Mindfulness practices, such as meditation, journaling, and deep breathing exercises, can be helpful in fostering self-awareness and promoting a non-judgmental attitude towards our thoughts and emotions. By observing our inner critic without judgment, we can create distance between ourselves and our negative self-talk, reducing its power over our actions and decisions.
b. Cognitive restructuring
Cognitive restructuring involves identifying and challenging irrational thoughts and beliefs that contribute to self-doubt and the inner critic. This process can be facilitated through tools such as thought records, which involve documenting triggering situations, the associated thoughts and emotions, and potential alternatives to these negative thought patterns.
By systematically challenging and reframing our negative self-talk, we can begin to develop more balanced and rational perspectives, ultimately silencing the inner critic and fostering greater self-confidence and self-compassion.
c. Affirmations and positive self-talk
Incorporating affirmations and positive self-talk into our daily routines can be an effective strategy for combating the inner critic. By consistently reinforcing positive messages about our abilities, worth, and potential, we can gradually rewire our thought patterns and cultivate a more empowering and self-compassionate mindset.
Affirmations can be tailored to address specific areas of self-doubt or insecurity, such as career success, relationships, or personal growth. By consistently practicing positive self-talk and affirmations, we can counteract the damaging effects of the inner critic and unlock our full potential.
Building resilience against negative self-talk
Building resilience against negative self-talk is an ongoing process that requires consistent effort and practice. The following strategies can be helpful in fostering greater resilience against the inner critic:
Strengthening self-compassion: Treating ourselves with kindness and understanding, particularly during moments of self-doubt or failure, can help to cultivate a more resilient mindset.
Developing a growth mindset: Embracing challenges and setbacks as opportunities for growth and learning can foster greater resilience.
Establishing a support network: Surrounding ourselves with supportive and understanding individuals can provide a valuable buffer against negative self-talk and reinforce our inherent worth and abilities.
By consistently practicing these strategies, we can build greater resilience against the inner critic and protect ourselves from the damaging effects of self-doubt.
Unlocking your full potential through self-compassion
Self-compassion is a powerful tool for silencing voices of doubt and unlocking our full potential. By treating ourselves with kindness, understanding, and empathy, we can create a safe space for personal growth and development.
Self-compassion involves acknowledging our mistakes and shortcomings without judgment, recognizing that we are only human and that imperfection is a natural part of life. By embracing our imperfections and treating ourselves with compassion, we can foster a more supportive and empowering internal dialogue, ultimately unlocking our full potential and achieving our goals.
Practicing self-compassion can involve a variety of strategies, such as:
Mindful self-compassion: This involves acknowledging and validating our emotions without judgment, and treating ourselves with kindness and understanding.
Self-care: Engaging in activities that promote our well-being, such as exercise, meditation, or spending time in nature, can help to cultivate self-compassion and reduce the impact of the inner critic.
Self-acceptance: Accepting ourselves for who we are, flaws and all, can help to counteract the damaging effects of self-doubt and cultivate greater self-compassion.
By practicing self-compassion consistently, we can overcome the inner critic and unlock our full potential, both in our personal and professional lives.
Success stories: Individuals who conquered their inner critic
Many individuals have successfully silenced their inner critic and achieved their goals, despite facing significant challenges and setbacks. These success stories serve as a source of inspiration and motivation for those currently struggling with self-doubt.
One such individual is J.K. Rowling, author of the Harry Potter series. Rowling faced numerous rejections and setbacks before finally finding a publisher for her first book. During this time, she often struggled with self-doubt and the inner critic. However, through perseverance and self-compassion, she was able to overcome these challenges and achieve incredible success.
Another example is Oprah Winfrey, who overcame a difficult childhood and numerous obstacles to become one of the most influential figures in media and entertainment. Winfrey has spoken openly about her struggles with self-doubt and the inner critic, emphasizing the importance of self-compassion, resilience, and a growth mindset in achieving success.
These success stories demonstrate that silencing the inner critic is possible, and that with the right mindset and strategies, we can achieve our goals and unlock our full potential.
Mental Health, Goals, and an Adventurous Little Finch
Happy Mental Health Awareness Month, y’all! One of the ways I take care of my mental health is by using an app called Finch. I use this app to track progress on goals, see changes in my mood over time, reflect on my day, and to send uplifting messages to my friends who also use the app. The Finch app is the brainchild of two friends (Nino and Steph) who both struggle with anxiety and depression. They wanted to make self care accessible after noticing that many other folks shared similar struggles.
My Journey with Finch
Every morning while I drink my coffee and start my daily routine, I power up my finch, Pluto, to go out on their adventure. When Pluto returns, they share what they discovered for the day. Sometimes it’s a new food or a song, other times they share a joke they heard. Each day is different, and each discovery helps to shape Pluto’s personality and likes and dislikes. So far, Pluto loves Yesterday by The Beatles, Finding Nemo, pineapple cake, Over the Garden Wall, and snorkeling in Maui.
Tracking my progress on goals like staying in touch with friends, nourishing my body, taking time for personal joys, and building my confidence as I navigate a new chapter of my life is incredibly easy. More importantly, I have so much fun interacting with Pluto. Incentivizing progress towards my goals has not only motivated me, but has also encouraged me to get out of my own way. Using Finch has helped me give myself permission to pursue the life I envision for myself. Historically, that’s been difficult for me. But I’ve noticed quite a difference in the way that I show up for myself and for others since I started this journey.
What I love about Finch
There are so many things that I love about the app. As someone who struggles with ADHD, I love that it allows me to gamify my day by rewarding me with rainbow stones for completing goals and sending good vibes to friends. I can use these rainbow stones to “buy” cute outfits and home decor for my finch. During moments of high stress or anxiety, I use the in app breathing exercises to help regulate my nervous system. When I need to focus, I use the soundscapes as timers to remind me when I need to switch tasks. There are so many useful features, including quizzes, reflections, journal prompts, goal progress reports, mood tracking, and more.
For folks who would like access to the paid version of the app but don’t have the means to purchase a subscription, the Finch team hosts a raffle every month for a free month subscription sponsored by one of Finch’s guardians. Every month, over 1000 Finch plus subscriptions are awarded to raffle winners!
Free Research Study on Talk Therapy
If you are between the ages of 16 and 29, have symptoms or a diagnosis of bipolar disorder or depression, you may be eligible to participate in a free and confidential research study on talk therapy on improving mood symptoms and helping reduce the risk of suicide.
The Yale Mood Study will also look at how the brain works with advanced MRI brain scanning techniques.
Compensation up to $540.
To learn more or see if you are eligible to participate in this research study, please contact:
The Power of Spending Time on What You Value & How
In a world where time is our most valuable commodity, it’s essential to spend it wisely. However, with hectic schedules and endless to-do lists, it can be easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of everyday life. This creates a dynamic where we are spending time on things that are outside of our values.
Sometimes I don’t notice time. My hands chained to a computer screen like breathing. The sun goes up, and back down, and I do it again.
I learned the hard way that we often prioritize tasks that don’t matter in the grand scheme of things, leaving us feeling unfulfilled and unsatisfied.
Years ago, I was a workaholic. While I still have the tendencies to overwork, I changed my mindset on time, and a lot of changes organically followed with it.
Over working isn’t just one culperite, but social media, consumption, or an excess of mindless tasks. As an escapism from my job
I asked myself this question: What if I shifted my focus to spending time on what I value most?
Understanding the value of time
Time is the one resource that we can never get back. Being younger, it can be easy to slip into this feeling of immortality. However, having faced loss and health crises since childhood, I’ve always had a heightened sense of its fleeting pace.
Unlike money, relationships or possessions, time is finite. Once it’s gone, we can’t get it back.
Therefore, it’s crucial to understand the value of time and how we choose to spend it.
Every moment we spend on something that doesn’t matter to us is a moment we’ll never get back.
We need to start thinking about how we’re spending our time and whether it’s aligned with our values. When we prioritize what matters to us, we’re more likely to feel fulfilled, energized, and motivated.
Spending Time on Identifying what you truly value
The first step in spending time on what you value is to identify what that is. Many of us live our lives on autopilot, not taking the time to reflect on what’s truly important to us.
To identify what you value, ask yourself the following questions:
What brings me joy and fulfillment?
What do I want to achieve in my life?
What makes me feel energized and motivated?
What do I want to be remembered for?
I know what you’re thinking. These seem like rudimentary questions. But it’s amazing how often we don’t actually take action on these thoughts, or check in with our answers, as we change often.
Take the time to reflect on these questions and write down your answers. You may be surprised at what you discover. Once you’ve identified what you truly value, you can start to prioritize your time accordingly.
But that’s easier said than done, right? I remember my life was a jumbled mess before I figured out my own values and workflow. It feels overwhelming, maybe even impossible.
But I’ve learned that instead of starting with all the things you should be doing, you need to take some time to figure out what you shouldn’t be doing.
Common time-wasters: Limiting Spending Time
Before we dive into how to prioritize your time, it’s essential to understand common time-wasters. These are activities that consume our time without providing any real value or benefit. Some common time-wasters include:
Social media scrolling that goes from intentional to auto-pilot/escapism
Watching TV or movies in constant or high quantity
Procrastination out of fear
Multitasking instead of deep focus sessions
Overthinking to the point of inaction
Distractions that can be controlled by you, but go unchecked.
Did you know I cover all of these things in my classes? I’d encourage you to check-out my 4 Day Creative Reset, to totally break down all of these things.
The impact of time-wasters on your life
When we spend too much time on activities that don’t align with our values, it can have a significant impact on our lives. We may feel unfulfilled, drained, and unmotivated.
Time-wasters can also lead to increased stress and anxiety as we struggle to keep up with our responsibilities.
It’s essential to recognize when we’re spending too much time on activities that don’t matter to us and make a conscious effort to shift our focus.
Tips for prioritizing your time
1. Create a schedule
One of the most effective ways to prioritize your time is to create a schedule. Schedule your time around the things that matter to you, including hobbies, relationships, and work-related goals. This will help you ensure that you’re spending your time on the things that truly matter.
Learn to say no to things that don’t align with your values. It’s okay to decline invitations or opportunities that don’t resonate with you. Saying no will free up your time and energy for the things that do matter.
3. Setting goals to align with your values
Once you’ve identified what you value and how you want to spend your time, it’s time to set goals. Goals are essential because they provide direction and motivation. When we set goals that align with our values, we’re more likely to achieve them.
When setting goals, make sure they’re specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound. This will help ensure that you’re setting goals that are aligned with your values and that you can achieve them.
Strategies for staying on track with your priorities
Staying on track with your priorities can be challenging, especially when there are so many distractions in our daily lives. Here are some strategies to help you stay focused:
1. Use time-blocking
Time-blocking is the practice of scheduling your day in blocks of time. This helps you stay focused on specific tasks and ensures that you’re spending your time on the things that matter.
2. Set reminders
Use reminders to help you stay on track with your priorities. Set reminders on your phone or computer to remind you to take breaks, focus on specific tasks, or prioritize your time.
3. Create accountability
Find an accountability partner or join a community that shares your values. This will help keep you motivated and on track with your priorities.
The benefits of spending time on what you value
When we prioritize what matters to us, we’re more likely to feel fulfilled, motivated, and energized.
We’re also more likely to achieve our goals and feel a sense of purpose in our lives.
The key is to stay true to your values and remember that you’re in control of how you spend your time. Learn to say no to things that don’t align with your values, and don’t be afraid to set boundaries.
Remember to set goals, stay focused, and don’t be afraid to say no to things that don’t matter. With these strategies, you can start living a life that’s fulfilling and purposeful.
Written by Sarah Edwards. Want to get to know me? Say hi! @setapart_company
Sacrificing for a Happier Relationship: How to Make Sacrifices That Count
Sacrifices are essential in a relationship because they show that you care about your partner’s happiness and well-being. As someone on the newly married path, all I can say for sure: This (sacrificing) is everything.
Understanding the Importance of Sacrifices in a Relationship (seriously, you won’t regret taking time to understand this)
Sacrifices are essential in a relationship because they show your partner that you care about them and their well-being. Relationships are a two-way street, and both partners must be willing to make sacrifices for each other. Sacrifices can come in many forms, such as giving up your time, compromising on decisions, or making financial sacrifices.
Making sacrifices is not always easy, but it is necessary for a happy and healthy relationship. When you make a sacrifice for your partner, it shows them that you are willing to put their needs before your own. This act of selflessness can strengthen the bond between you and your partner, leading to a more fulfilling relationship.
Sacrificing Quotes to Inspire You – because frankly sometimes we need the short and sweet to hold into our brains.
“Love is not about possession. Love is about appreciation.” – Osho
“The greatest happiness you can have is knowing that you do not necessarily require happiness.” – William Saroyan
“True love is selfless. It is prepared to sacrifice.” – Sadhu Vaswani
These quotes remind us that love is not about possession or selfishness. Instead, true love requires sacrifice and selflessness.
How to Identify Sacrifices That Count
Not all sacrifices are created equal. Some sacrifices may be insignificant, while others can have a significant impact on your relationship. To identify sacrifices that count, you must first understand your partner’s needs and desires.
One way to identify sacrifices that count is to ask your partner what they need from you. This can be a simple conversation that can help you understand their priorities and expectations. Think beyond singular objectives. What types of communication do you need? Ways of spending time together? Get detailed.
Another way to identify sacrifices that count is to think about what you would want your partner to do for you in a similar situation.
Effective Communication in Making Sacrifices
Effective communication is crucial when making sacrifices in a relationship. It is essential to communicate your needs and expectations to your partner and to listen to theirs as well. When making a sacrifice, it is important to do so willingly and without resentment or bitterness.
One way to communicate effectively when making sacrifices is to use “I” statements. For example, instead of saying, “You never make time for me,” say, “I feel neglected when we don’t spend time together.” This approach can help your partner understand your feelings without feeling attacked or criticized.
The Benefits of Making Sacrifices in a Relationship
Making sacrifices in a relationship can have many benefits. Firstly, it can strengthen the bond between you and your partner. It shows that you care about their happiness and well-being and are willing to do what it takes to make them happy.
Secondly, making sacrifices can lead to a more fulfilling relationship. When both partners are willing to make sacrifices for each other, it creates a sense of balance and equality in the relationship. This can lead to greater trust and intimacy between partners.
Sacrifices vs Compromises: What’s the Difference? I used to not know.
Sacrifices and compromises are often used interchangeably, but they are not the same thing. A compromise is a situation where both partners give up something to reach a mutual agreement.
Sacrifices, on the other hand, are more significant than compromises and often require one partner to make a bigger sacrifice than the other.
For example, a compromise in a relationship might be deciding to watch a movie that neither partner loves but can tolerate. A sacrifice, on the other hand, might be giving up a job opportunity in another city to stay with your partner.
Common Sacrifices in a Healthy Relationship
In a healthy relationship, both partners make sacrifices for each other. Here are some common sacrifices that partners make in a healthy relationship:
Giving up personal time to spend time with your partner
Moving to a new city to be with your partner
Making financial sacrifices for the benefit of the relationship
Compromising on important decisions such as where to live or how to raise children
Giving up bad habits that may be affecting the relationship
Making Sacrifices Without Losing Yourself – My longest lesson
While making sacrifices is essential in a relationship, it is equally important to maintain your individuality. You should never make a sacrifice that goes against your core values or beliefs. It is essential to communicate your boundaries and expectations to your partner, so they understand what is and isn’t acceptable.
One way to make sacrifices without losing yourself is to set boundaries. For example, if your partner wants you to spend more time with them, but you need personal time to recharge, you can set aside specific times for yourself and communicate this to your partner.
When Sacrificing Becomes Unhealthy – yes it’s a thing
While making sacrifices is essential in a relationship, it is essential to recognize when sacrificing becomes unhealthy. Sacrificing should never lead to resentment, bitterness, or a loss of self. If you find yourself constantly making sacrifices without getting anything in return, it may be a sign of an unhealthy relationship.
It is important to communicate your feelings to your partner and seek professional help if necessary. Remember, sacrificing should be a two-way street, and both partners should be willing to make sacrifices for each other.
Here are a few final sacrificing quotes to remember:
“Love is not a feeling of happiness. Love is a willingness to sacrifice.” – Michael Novak
“The only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it.” – Steve Jobs
“Love is the condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.” – Robert A. Heinlein
Written by Sarah Edwards. Want to get to know me? Say hi! @setapart_company
Recovering from Domestic Violence: The Journey
Many of us really don’t think about whether or not we are in a domestic violent situation. Recently, I learned that I experienced domestic violence and I had to admit it to myself. Admitting it was the hardest part of my journey. I wanted to deny it. But I quickly understood that I was romanticizing my connections out of survival. I kept telling myself, “it could be way worse”, “they’re not like this deep down”, and “they didn’t mean it”. But indeed, they were aware of how they were hurting me. Understanding domestic violence has led me to question the reality I perceived.
What is Domestic Violence?
Typically when I hear domestic violence, I think of physical and sexual abuse. But domestic violence includes emotional, psychological, technological, and economical abuse. I learned about it here.
Physical abuse: hitting, slapping, shoving, grabbing, pinching, pushing, etc.
Sexual abuse: forcing/coercing sexual interactions of any sort
Emotional abuse: undermining someone’s self-worth
Psychological abuse: fear by intimidation, threats to harm (either self, partner, children, etc.), forcing isolation, gaslighting, etc.
Technological abuse: behavior that’s intended to harm, threaten, control, stalk, harass, exploit or monitor another person via technology
Economical/financial abuse: using money, financial situation, or tactics in a form of manipulation for money or to control
My Past Relationship/Situationship
To say the least, I didn’t understand masculine people were valid in their experiences of domestic violence. I experienced being hit in my prior relationships but never experienced something like I did in my most recent past situationship.
In my most recent situationship, I was experiencing the most damaging emotional and psychological abuse. I questioned my entire existence a lot and rather have left this plane of existence than to experience another moment of manipulation. That includes the manipulation that came with trying to leave. I was convinced that I was going crazy. This person made me feel psychotic!
To a degree, technological abuse was there. Economical/financial abuse was there too. I was also guilted and gaslit by the person because I wasn’t sexually attracted to them anymore. It made me feel less. They found it odd that I needed to feel connected to a person emotionally to have that sexual attraction. Their response to my lack of sexual desire was to accuse me of talking to other people, and far much more. They didn’t want to put in any work.
Unfortunately, I don’t feel safe enough to elaborate more. But one day, I’ll be able to talk more. I just wanted to make people aware that masculine people experience domestic violence too.
Losing Myself & Growing
Honestly speaking, this experience broke me. I lost myself trying to prove my love and positive intentions. It was all because I saw so much potential in this person. I saw how hurt this person was and made excuses for them in how they treated me. This person wasn’t willing to grow as I grew no matter what. Because of my growth, this person felt threatened by my presence and independence. As I kept going, they just grew pessimistic. And just more agitated with how I was soaring outside of their stagnant mindset.
The Complex Lesson
There are many lessons I’ve learned through this experience. I mainly learned about the complexity of love and domestic violence. But most importantly, I learned that it doesn’t matter what other people say to you. Their actions and ability to grow is what matters. Even if they say they love you. Those words mean nothing if they can’t see you and love you like they want to be loved by another person.
I learned that people will say anything to manipulate you into taking your energy. Whether that be with guilt or honey. This person’s tactics were guilt. They only wanted me around because I was benefiting them. They made me feel guilty because I started to love myself. In other words, they kept telling me that I didn’t love them, despite all that I’ve given emotionally, because I was trying to fill my cup after the damages. They started to gaslight me even more because I set boundaries. They tried to control everything; even how my apartment looked, how I communicated, etc. In all, I learned that people will feel threatened or offended by your boundaries if they’re out of alignment with you.
Closing Words on Domestic Violence: Validity
No matter your age, love is proven to be complicated and complex. Your age doesn’t define when you experience emotional or psychological pain. No matter the age, you can experience domestic violence on any scale. No matter your gender identity and sexuality, you can experience domestic violence. Domestic violence isn’t easy to go through either. Always think about your safety in relationships.
Gabe H.
Job Opportunity at YAH
YAH (Youth Action Hub) is paying young people to lead change in Connecticut! Check out the flyer to learn more about this job opportunity!
I used to think forgiveness was reserved for those “monumental” moments. The big mistakes or emotionally charged experiences. But forgiveness can be used for forgiving yourself.
I’ve come to realize that the deep forgiveness, the ruminating, nagging, little voices, was the real monster, and that I personally had many of them.
I was complaining about a recurring truth I had been grappling with and I realized my inability to move forward was I hadn’t forgiven my past mistakes yet.
The significance of not forgiving ourselves is oftentimes it morphs into a deep, strong fear that prevents us from making the steps forward.
The most dangerous, least-serving thing you can do, is live in the “victim mentality.”
By blaming others, or the world, and avoiding seeing the pain inside yourself, you are just prolonging your healing, and the lessons you need to learn.
Seeing where we need to forgive ourselves is one of those methods of finding lessons that need to be realized.
Forgiving yourself is one of the most challenging things to do, yet it is one of the most important steps towards healing and personal growth. Despite the contrary, learning lessons about who we are or what we need can be the most powerful thing we do to invest in ourselves.
We often hold onto past mistakes, regrets, and failures, allowing them to define who we are and how we live our lives.
However, in order to move forward and find inner peace, we must learn the path of letting go. But how do we do that? I had no idea, and frankly, it felt impossible.
Whether it’s a minor mistake or a major life decision, forgiving yourself is crucial in order to embrace your true self and live a fulfilling life.
Understanding Forgiveness
Forgiveness is the process of letting go of anger, resentment, and negative emotions towards someone who has hurt you.
It means accepting what has happened and moving forward without holding onto grudges or seeking revenge. However, forgiveness is not just about forgiving others, it’s also about forgiving ourselves.
Self-forgiveness is the act of releasing ourselves from the guilt and shame of past mistakes and failures.
I realized I was holding onto shame of my past mistakes and it made me fearful of trying again or even bothering in the future.
Why Forgiving Yourself is Important
Forgiving yourself is crucial for your emotional well-being and personal growth. When we hold onto past mistakes, regrets, and failures, we carry a heavy burden that affects our mental and physical health.
We become trapped in a cycle of negative self-talk, self-doubt, and self-criticism.
This can lead to anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. Forgiving yourself is about breaking free from this cycle and embracing self-compassion and self-love. It allows you to let go of the past and move forward with a sense of peace and freedom.
The Negative Effects of Holding onto Regret
Holding onto regret can prevent us from living in the present and enjoying life to the fullest.
It keeps us stuck in the past, reliving the pain and disappointment over and over again.
This can lead to feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, and despair. Regret can also lead to self-blame, self-pity, and self-loathing.
It’s important to acknowledge the past and learn from our mistakes, but it’s equally important to let go of the negative emotions that hold us back.
The Benefits of Letting Go
Letting go of past mistakes and failures can lead to a sense of freedom and inner peace. It allows us to move forward without the burden of guilt and shame.
Self-forgiveness can also lead to improved relationships with others, as we become more compassionate and understanding towards them.
It can also lead to greater self-awareness and personal growth, as we learn from our mistakes and become better versions of ourselves.
The Process of Forgiving Yourself
The process of forgiving yourself is not a quick fix, but rather a journey that requires time, patience, and self-reflection. In other words, this is the BIG KAHUNA as I like to call it.
It starts with acknowledging the mistake or failure and accepting responsibility for it. Yikes. Sounds like a lot?
But, It’s important to remember that we are all human and we all make mistakes. Avoiding your mistakes, denying them, prevents you from healing. You have to acknowledge to forgive.
I found that what helps is openly explaining, in appropriate conversations, my mistakes and failures. It allows me to take a retro-reflective approach, and come at it from almost an analytical angle.
This makes me sit in the seat from students to teacher, now separating my mistake in the past from myself, and simply as a lesson.
Shifting Your Perspective
You can change your mistakes to lessons to move into a seat of compassion and power.
Moving forward with self-acceptance means embracing our true selves, flaws and all. As a Christian, personally, this means I can give my sin and shame over to God. I find peace is knowing that we, and the world, is a broken place.
I don’t strive for perfection anymore. And I don’t need to be the perfect wife, daughter, friend or sister. Rather, I strive to try and make the best decisions I can in each moment, and be a hyper-aware individual.
I strive to know empathy, compassion, and the language of kindness over being perfect, and always presentable.
Self-acceptance is about treating ourselves with kindness, understanding, and compassion, and that requires you to make mistakes. It requires you to feel the weight of your fears and failures.
You can coexist with these negative emotions without letting them control you.
It’s important to set realistic goals and expectations for ourselves and to celebrate our successes, no matter how small.
Letting go of past mistakes and failures can lead to a sense of freedom and inner peace. It’s important to acknowledge the past and learn from our mistakes, but it’s equally important to let go of the negative emotions that hold us back.
So, take the first step towards self-forgiveness today and start living a fulfilling life.
Written by Sarah Edwards, TPCT Project Coordinator – you can say hi at @setapart_company!
Reels: Appreciating Our Teachers (1)
This week’s Reel comes from Therell. He celebrates Teacher Appreciation Week, and shouts out some of his past teachers who have made a big, positive impact on his life!
Hi everyone! I’m Quinn and I recently joined the Turning Point CT team. I’m a queer, trans non-binary, astrology enthusiast with a degree in psychological science. My interest in mental health and wellness started when I was a teen. During that time, my younger sibling started experiencing symptoms of mental illness. This motivated me to enter the field of mental health as an agent of change and as an advocate for community care.
My Background
I spent a few years working in direct care for individuals with schizophrenia, eating disorders, Alzheimer’s and dementia, depression, anxiety, ADHD, PTSD, and more. I noticed that many of the folks I worked with were struggling to get their needs met, even in settings that aimed to provide comprehensive care. This motivated me to continue researching and learning about the various approaches to mental wellness. When the opportunity to join the Turning Point CT team arose, I knew that I wanted to jump on it.
Over the course of the pandemic, the need for peer support and community care became increasingly obvious to me. In a time of such widespread isolation and fear, I found myself yearning for spaces to be in community. I subscribed to the Patreon of my favorite podcast and attended weekly Zoom calls with the hosts. In these weekly meetings, I ended up meeting some of my very best friends to this day. I also hosted virtual game nights and educational workshops as the Advocacy Director of a local organization called The Reflection Zone. In these spaces, I was fortunate enough to find the connection and collective care that I was seeking. I hope to facilitate similar spaces through my work with TurningPointCT.
For Fun
In my free time, you’ll probably find me on local hiking trails keeping an eye out for new plants and fungi with my partner, Jackie. When I’m not on the trails, I’m usually in the kitchen cooking for friends and family and measuring spices with my heart. Who needs measuring spoons anyways? I’m also a lifelong musician. I love improvising on the piano and trying to keep up with my favorite songs on the guitar.
I’m already so proud to be a member of the Turning Point CT team, and I’m grateful for the opportunity to share my journey and to use my experiences to connect with young folks across CT.
Black & White
I wrote this poem, Black & White, to express how I feel being an ethnically diverse individual.
Black & White
Half black and half white, so it makes sense that I feel gray
Represented by the clothes that I wear every day
—
Talking about my side that isn’t safe in the streets
I feel like a doughnut, guess who’s looking for a treat
Even at home where I try to relax and eat
I’m asked if I’ll rob, instead of friendly greets
Same thing at school, all the clowns speak in tweets
Slur after slur, they treat me like a freak
Report to the teachers, gave them all of the receipts
Funny how suddenly their vision would deplete
And I’m the one that they tell to take a seat
—
And for the side that most don’t even see
Sometimes that “most” is in the family
I get the look that says “You’re not related to me”
And when I’m outside with mom, it’s the same thing I notice
The scenario in their head, with me as the focus
“Why is he following that poor woman everywhere?”
“They’re obviously not related, look no further than their hair”
—
So as you can see, it’s a war on both sides
I won’t choose a team, so I’ll just have to hide
I rarely felt like I fit in anyway, so it doesn’t even matter
But until then, it’s time to be an actor
—
Final Thoughts
Since high school, I started feeling the effects of being ethnically diverse. I feel quite uncomfortable when I am the only black person in a group of white folks, due to past experiences where ignorant and racist comments have been made. Even in a group of all black folks, I still become a little uncomfortable because I feel like I lack a lot of cultural knowledge, therefore it’s been difficult to relate to others.
I very much prefer being in a diverse setting; where there are people that come from all sorts of ethnic backgrounds. It puts me much more at ease knowing I am not outnumbered, and there are multiple cultures present.
– Therell
If you would like to hear other poems I’ve written, visit my Music Channel.
And check out this poem submitted by Emorie, it’s a very stellar writing piece.
I’m Riding My Bike Across the Country
I want to ride my bike across the country. And I will be riding my bike across the country. I plan on doing it after I graduate. My goal is to do it within a year; or after I fully recover from bottom surgery! Bottom surgery is literally around the corner for me! Read all about the bottom surgery I’m getting here.
Staying Motivated
I’ve heard people ask me: “How will you do that?” They even say: “You need to prepare” or “People spend years training”. I sometimes get a laugh because people don’t think I’m being serious about it. It’s almost as if a kid said it. Although this may be enough to discourage some people, this is something my soul is really urging towards. I’m so passionate about doing it, that people’s reactions motivates me to problem solve and think abstractly.
Everything I need is right in front of me.
In my world, riding my bike everywhere is literally enough training. My asthma is well controlled. My allergies are well controlled now that I’m paying attention to my body. I can’t forget that I rode my bike over 16.5 miles from Bradley Airport to the South End of Hartford because my co-worker came in a few hours late: at 2/3 AM, and the last bus already left at midnight. In the moment, I was anxious that I wouldn’t be able to go to my morning appointment if my co-worker didn’t show up. But somehow, I knew everything was going to be okay.
That experience alone was extremely nice and calming. The scenery was just beautiful along the way. Something that people would’ve found extremely upsetting, I found to be a great experience to further push me in the direction I want to go in. Riding my bike from Bradley Airport was a confirmation that I am able to do something I want to do without ‘proper’ training.
Why I’m Riding My Bike Across the Country
At first, it was an impulsive thought that came from my unconscious desires. My old social studies teacher, Jonathan Williams, sparked my interest after he talked about how he ran across the country. This has been in my thoughts since my freshman year of high school. Now I’m a senior in college.
People asked me why I wanted to do this and the only think I could come up with was to prove myself to everyone. However, that reasoning never aligned nor felt accurate to say. It was just something I said in the moment of silence. Thinking about it now, I’m really doing this for myself. I need to exemplify to myself that it doesn’t matter what other people think. I honestly need to do this for my mental health and spiritual self. Whether it be valid or not.
The Proposed Outcome of Riding my Bike Across the Country
Throughout this process, I hope to have a better understanding of who I am. I also hope to develop a better connection to the land spirits and my ancestors. After-all, my ancestors were the ones who occupied this land first and the ones who were enslaved to build this country. So why not feel their energies and their emotions to understand my feelings in the process. My time in nature will only grant me the healing that I need; and maybe give them a little of the healing they need.
I just may even bring a notebook and pen to write in about my encounters/experiences.
– Dez 🙂
5 Tips to Eliminate Distractions and Increase Focus During The Creative Process
I used to think refining my process was a waste of time. But then I discovered that investing time into the way I work gives me back significant time in the long run. This investment helped eliminate distractions that normally took away from my creative process.
While figuring out our to-do list and daily schedules is extremely important, it can create a shadow over the achilles heel of the creative process.
Achilles heel: Having an inability to focus, or keep distractions under control, that is specific to you, your environment and your mind.
In short, a weakness is when a creative individual or productive worker doesn’t take the time to study the things that interrupts their workday. They allow the cycle to keep repeating itself. They don’t study the changes that need to be made for a greater output.
Now, I am a big advocate for not feeding the hustle, workaholic culture that Western civilization has tossed into modern play. The intention of discovering this part of ourselves is not to become these idolatry-productive gods, rather, give us time back.
I want you to spend time with your families. I hope you shut the computer every night and get excited about the evening hours, or the weekend plans.
Identifying distractions and focus inconsistencies can be one of the most game changing things you can discover about yourself.
By getting the things done, structured under healthy standards (reasonable goals and tasks) you will end your day increasing your self-satisfaction and mental wellness.
This does not include consideration for any mental or focus related conditions, but I imagine that in conjunction with a mental health professional, these supplements can help.
As someone with severe Anxiety Disorder (GAD) and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), the below has really helped me learn about how I operate.
I’m going to walk you through 5 Steps on what to do moving forward to help resolve distractions and increase your focus. These will be your exercises for today, Day 4.
Step 1 – Knowing The Mind and Body Connection
It’s no secret that your body’s health plays a role in your mind’s functionality. Perhaps you’re rolling your eyes at this, and it’s understandable, we hear this a lot. But have you actually done something actionable about this tip? When I got honest with myself, I sighed. I really needed a change.
The reality is: Many of us get comfortable with our own complacency that we are slow to change, or make no change. For example, you’ve accepted you are unable to get reasonable sleep, and you’ve built your life around that to accommodate that “truth.”
Now, sometimes we are in temporary situations where yes we can’t make a change. For example, new parenthood. However, I think many of us can identify physical/body health elements that we’ve slacked on. These impact; energy, focus, space and time for creative thought, research time, discipline, and good habits.
Accepting Bad/Poor Habits & Distractions
When we accept a bad habit, we are also accepting that we are able and allowed to make another bad habit. As a creative person, you’re often seeking new ideas and inspiration, “Why can’t I find it!” Is a phrase I used to ask myself mentally a lot. But I realized that a lot of my “ideas” and “inspiration” were buried under poor habits.
Poor habits take up more time in the long run then healthy habits.
Let’s look at an example. If you skip eating meals, you’ll start getting agitated, or your blood sugar will crash. You get hungry. Maybe the hunger strikes when you’re mid-paragraph in a profound thought or drawing. But you stop, get up, and abandon the thought.
Something else in the kitchen distracts you, and suddenly an hour goes away. You realize this, rush, grab something unhealthy, and head back to the writing element. You inhale your unhealthy snack.
And then get frustrated because not only did you forget your thought process/idea, but you feel guilty for eating your unhealthy snack, and you ruminate. Now you’re thinking about that, and you’ve completely derailed your energy. Then your body crashes again an hour later.
I want to say, by the way, unhealthy snacks are totally cool in moderation. But I find food-guilt and body goals are something many of us have to a capacity, so this is a common example. It overlaps a lot.
Sometimes my productivity is an excuse I use to not take care of myself.
I’ve learned that is not a good enough reason because taking care of ourselves is productive, healthy and more important than your to-do list.
Action:
Before your next big creative undertaking. Do a check-in with yourself, and get honest.
What physical elements for your body could you shift, add or remove in your day? Do one of those changes this week.
Try changes one at a time, instead of piling on a bunch, unless they are closely related. This can be a big or small change. The trick here is picking one and just do it. You’ll prove to yourself that you’re worth the investment.
Step 2 – Taking Inventory of Distractions You Can Control
There’s going to be distractions you have zero ability to handle, prevent or monitor. We don’t need the most peaceful days, or perfect environments, to achieve something or be creative. Sometimes high stimulation helps people; such as in busy environments.
But I am talking about distractions. You know, the text messages. The phone is being picked up every 45-seconds. Music that works against you, not with you. Or even picking your workspace everyday (we’ll cover that more later).
Remember that the more you give into a distraction, or the more you accept its existence, you are picking that experience over your creativity.
By checking Instagram every two-minutes, you are telling yourself that it’s more important than your writing assignment.
Sure, maybe it’s more engaging, or relaxing, but is that your equivalent to important?
You might think, “OF COURSE!” But ask yourself, if you don’t finish your writing assignment or goal, is that going to make you feel better or worse at the end of the day?
Let’s assess some of the things & distractions you can control.
Action:
Cut out an hour and do a reset of your distractions – first identify them.
Add in focus settings on your phone notifications or apps.
Really take inventory of music that works better for you at different times of day, or working types. Or invest in noise canceling headphones.
Put do not disturb around meetings if you need too to prevent excess conversations
Schedule or use a timer for working sessions and breaks
Add in a reward or a more relaxing type of working session (I’ll cover this more in the next tip).
Tip #3: Swallow Your Frogs First
Mark Twain famously said, “If it’s your job to eat a frog, it’s best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it’s your job to eat two frogs, it’s best to eat the biggest one first.”
Having a productive hierarchy has been my new crucial element in my workflow process.
Productive hierarchy is the process of assessing the weight, value and time of your tasks. This allows you to counterbalance them with specific parts of yourself.
For example, as someone with anxiety, and knowing I work better in the mornings, I will do my most laborious, stress-inducing tasks earlier in my day, then later. It gives me peace of mind during the rest of the day, and I work faster in the morning to get it done.
I know I also hit an energy slump around 2:00pm, so I’ll incorporate a relaxing break or a relaxing working session.
You can speed up your mind or slow it down with your body, like breathing; you don’t need to always “power through” everything.
You may be wondering, what is a relaxing task/working session?
This is something I’ve created, which may or may not work well for you. So experiment.
Essentially, I identify tasks that are very sumientry, or don’t require a ton of thinking space. For example, cleaning dishes, deleting emails, or scheduling social media posts.
Maybe I’ll put on an episode of my favorite show while I do this, or get a fresh cappuccino and sip while I work. Other times it’s a podcast episode, or taking fifteen minutes to read while a video exports.
Your lighter tasks are great opportunities to slow down. But it’s important to keep going if you can with the small tasks. These guys can add up throughout our week, then overwhelm us.
Tip #4: Reinvent Your Workspace to Work For You, Not Against You
This is a game changer guys. For so long I was making a crucial mistake, and that was not investing time in refining my workspace. Before COVID-19, like many, I was handed a workspace, and I forced myself into it, and slowly adjusted it to serve me.
Most of us are working in a space that is losing our energy, focus and time.
But now, we’ve learned we can control our environments more, regardless if you’re back in the office or not. One of the biggest investments you can make in your goal/success journey is to invest money or time into your workspace.
This is like picking the soil before you plant. Having water available, it’s all crucial to growth and consistency.
A workspace should have three main components:
It should be the path of least resistance.
Meaning, you can get to it easily, and get to work easily. If you have a ton of hurdles, you’re going to lose energy and focus fast. You’ll also feel discouraged and skip out on consistency.
It should have tools within it that lessen the need for you to do extra tasks.
For example, your chargers are all plugged in, and fastened to your table, so you don’t need to go searching for them everyday. Or, you get cold often, so you have a pair of slippers in the room.
To take this a step further, incorporate tip one here. Invest in a chair that doesn’t harm your back, or a water pitch to stay hydrated. You can even put packaged healthy snacks in reach to limit temptations for other foods.
It should have your ownership
Even if you have a small desk tucked in the corner, it should be yours. Meaning you have the control to clean up at the end of the day, so you can start fresh, and keep your items and system together. You waste processing energy with decision fatigue if you constantly need to move things around, and make space to work.
A few examples:
Create a workspace in your home. Therefore you have a place to work that doesn’t require commuting or traveling far.
Untangle chords, buy extra chargers, and plug everything in so it’s a sit-down, get up, procedure (not running around).
Organize drawers, baskets and storage
Have water nearby, and healthy snacks to prevent you from getting up all the time
Close the door, or block it off, so it’s your space only, not communal, if possible
Tip #5: Set Reasonable, Smart, Goals, To Increase Self-Satisfaction
If you don’t set reasonable expectations, or goals, you’ll never feel satisfied with your creative process.
Part of fleeting motivation, and energy to complete a task, does rest in understanding your goals well, and setting healthy goals.
Thank you for keeping up with The TurningPointCT Team! If you missed the previous week’s reels, watch them here!
Bipolar Depression – Poem
My intention with this poem is to describe the perspective most people with mental health disorders go through with symptoms, not allowing the disorder to become a part of our identity and the vulnerability of connectivity with others due to stigmas placed on mental health and the help towards betterment.
Emorie – 25
First Reels of April 2023 (2)
Check out our first couple of reels this month, April 2023, both from Sarah!
In Sarah’s first reel, she shares some things she learned to do to boost her joy despite struggling with her mental health.
Redefining the Success and Crafting Healthy, Impactful Lasting Goals
Thank you for listening! If you enjoyed our podcast, make sure you follow us @TurningPointCT to stay up to date with what teens and young adults in CT are talking about! You can find us wherever you stream podcasts (ex. Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts)!
In honor of National Stress Awareness Month, join me while planting different flowers🌷 and herbs! We discuss intrusive thoughts, making space in the heart and mind, and navigating stress and feeling overwhelmed. 🌱
Don’t forget to check out our other ➡️ videos ⬅️ too!
– Sarah
“Intrusive Memories” A Slam Poem in Honor of National Poetry Month
I remember the sweet scent of chocolate oatmeal cookies,
carried by the warm summer breeze through our loving home.
How I panicked if the gas from the oven will cause a corruption,
absolute destruction,
and if I don’t check that it’s off three times,
my family will die,
and I’ll be the reason they’re not alive.
I remember a rubber band on my wrist,
instead of friendship bracelets,
because the self-inflicted pain was less intense,
then the uncontrollable rumination in my head.
Which led me to dry heave for eighteen years and kneel on the cool tile
floor,
of an underfunded academic institution,
whose people sent me to the nurses office and said I was just a little
anxious.
The words mental health were never mentioned.
The bullies enjoyed a girl already on her knees,
little did they see,
they were hurting as much as me.
I remember while my parents went to the grocery store,
i’d call my Dad’s phone four times, thinking they’ve died,
In some tragic car collide. But it’s all in my mind.
I remember the stains of colored markers in art class,
Imagining a better life, free from the clutches of an unknown God,
controlling my every obsessive thought.
I’ve never known the freedom of child-like immortality,
Irrationality was my nationality, and my whole identity,
When could someone set me free?
It wouldn’t be until I accepted the trinity.
I remember I locked myself in a bathroom for three days,
thinking the police were after me,
because this unnamable scream, so to speak,
convinced me I committed a hit in run.
That I ran over a woman on 8th street,
but in reality…It was all in my head,
Intrusive thoughts whispering lies even in the crevasses,
of everything I am.
So, I drank the tap water.
I remember when we were gifted itchy knit sweaters with high
turtlenecks,
but now, grown, I throw my hands to my neck,
with the fear of strangulation,
from my intrusive thoughts of suicidal ideation.
Childhood,
it’s over but I swear it never even begun,
I function like a combat soldier In a war zone,
intrusive thoughts were like grenades
tossed in-between the bookshelves,
where I clawed the pages of worn school books,
looking for a name to this thing that doctors didn’t care to explain,
but they only had three books on the state of the mind,
one of them even said,
a woman is just hormonal as a teen and the rest isn’t worth defining.
I remember I went to the doctors again,
they said they could only give me eight minutes that day.
They had me circle a bunch of smiley faces,
but none of them looked like me,
Please God tell me which face resembles someone that:
Checks the gas three times,
kneels in bathrooms and cries,
thinks their parents will die,
and thinks they took a life?
When the worst thing that they’ve done is tell a little white lie,
To surprise their mom for their birthday?
How could I be lovable?
If I’m something so destructible.
America, I know we’re the land of the free,
but so many of us are chained in a mental health calamity,
mine was OCD,
and that’s actually treatable to a degree.
Yet it took twenty-one years to be diagnosed properly.
I needed someone who was really listening,
not just looking to bandaid another part of this society.
And that starts with me.
What do you want to remember?
Written by Sarah Edwards (@setapart_company), TPCT Project Coordinator
Autism Awareness: A Guide for People, by an Autistic Person
April 2nd is World Autism Awareness Day and it’s Autism Awareness Month! World Autism Awareness Day and Autism Awareness month draws attention to the need for growing innovative programs that are designed to support those with autism. I feel like there’s a need for supporting people more than just supporting programs. Reason being, in order to make autistic people feel seen, heard and understood, we must start with people. And as a fellow autistic person, I want to share my experiences and give insight on how people can be more supportive.
The Need for Support
My biggest struggle as an autistic high functioning/masking adult is that people don’t see me as an autistic individual. And that’s a problem! It does get frustrating for me. Mainly because my actions are typically taken in another way and/or I get discredited for being autistic. Which invalidates how I feel at times, and even my needs. So being cognizant over labeling someone as high functioning is important!
I do want to clarify that being autistic doesn’t mean that we are incapable. There were times where I was treated and talked to like I was a child because I made people aware that I was autistic. I was extremely aware that people who do that typically don’t fully understand autism and aren’t comfortable. However, a good portion of this treatment came from licensed clinicians, people with a PsyD, and/or PhD in psychology who don’t fully understand how to navigate autism.
Part of My Experience as an Autistic Person
These are just a few things I’ve heard either my entire life or from people in general. We should spend time to #StopJudging, #StopTheStigma, and #BeMoreAware.
Hearing some of these things makes me feel misunderstood and frustrated. However, hearing things about not looking autistic makes me question someone’s entire thought process. Especially the comment about my ability to pass my college courses. Like, where are people getting their information from? And it’s all about stigmas!
To explain the “different variations” under the Mr. Know-It-All quote, people typically complain when I correct their harmful stigmas. I can say that I strongly dislike having to educate people on their ignorance and inaccurate perceptions. Mainly because I do it so often that people either ignore me or that I hear people complain about how I’m too uptight, I always correct them or I get called a Mr. Know-It-All. If you don’t want to be corrected, be more aware of your harmful language and/or the harmful stigmas that you are perpetuating. Fix how you are talking.
This is How you can Support Autistic People
This biggest “rule” of support here is to believe aperson when they say they are autistic even if they are a high functioning/masking adult. Here are additional ways you can support autistic individuals:
#StopTheStigma; stop saying things that are exemplified in the image above. You might see something as a compliment but it only perpetuates the continuation of harmful stigmas.
Don’t treat or talk to an autistic individual like a child. Ask if we need help with something that shows that we are struggling. And if the help is declined, don’t take it personal!
Understand that we experience emotions and are capable of empathy!
Don’t take our actions in a personal way. Trust me, we are not being rude or are doing things that make you feel some type of way, annoyed, etc. on purpose.
Please be patient with autistic individuals! Your patience means a lot!
Be direct with autistic individuals. I definitely have a hard time taking a hint and taking things as jokes.
Get to know the person as a human! Don’t rely solely on online information! Don’t discredit that someone is autistic because they are high functioning/masking.
Ask how you may be able to help in certain situations when you are unsure! It’s nice when people try to understand how to navigate a situation.
Autistic people are not your walking encyclopedia! Don’t treat them as such! If they enjoy discussing a topic, by any means, ask the question.
Reminder: Every autistic person isn’t the same! And, every autistic person experiences themselves differently. So please get to know someone first!
– Dez 🙂
Final Reels of March 2023 (1)
Happy April, everyone! Please enjoy our final March Reel from Dez!
Hi everyone! I’ve recently released 2 new songs: The Nerve and Wrong Game! The “album” that these 2 songs are in is called Sabotage.
For anyone who’s listened to some of my previous songs, you’ll know that I often talk about my feelings of loneliness and social loss. These two songs lean more on the social loss side.
I feel that I’ve made so many social mistakes throughout my life, so any time I think back to fizzled out friendships, I am filled with regret.
Please consider listening to these two songs, as I think they do an okay job of laying everything out. If you are also someone who feels they’ve made some mistakes in their social life, I hope my music can help you know that you are not alone.
If you would like to check out art from other people on our website, visit our Creative Expressions page here!
Self-Harm Alternatives
Many people talk about self-harm and ways to prevent yourself from self-harming. But, many people don’t talk about the self-harm alternatives.
Self-Harm Awareness Month
March is Self-Harm Awareness Month. Self-harm is an overall hard topic for me to touch upon because I used to self-harm by cutting and punching myself. And people around me currently self-harm by multiple methods. I’m not going to lie, it does trigger my nervous system when I’m around it. But this isn’t why I’m writing.
I asked myself and out loud “what is classified as self-harm other than the obvious?” Reading the list surprised me. I’m going to include the entire list:
Cutting/Biting/Poisoning/Hitting yourself
Over-Eating or Under-Eating (purposefully)
Exercising Excessively
Picking/Scratching/Burning your skin (purposefully)
Inserting Objects that are Harmful to your Body
Hitting Objects that may cause an Injury
Misusing/Abusing Alcohol, Prescriptions & Drugs
Pulling your hair
Having Unsafe Sex (w/ a stranger, someone who is unsafe, putting yourself in danger)
Getting into fights where you know you will get hurt.
I, of course, added a few context words to the list because it matters. The last time I self-harmed by cutting was around 2016. I honestly don’t remember the last time I self-harmed by hitting myself. However, based off this list, the last time I self-harmed was December 20th, 2022 (hitting objects that may cause an injury). It wasn’t purposefully done to hurt myself, however, due to a need to exert my anger.
Self-Harm Alternatives: Ideas
I don’t have all the answers to alternatively prevent all the methods of self-harm. However, I do have ideas that can help someone who self-harms by: cutting, poisoning/pill taking, and hitting objects that may cause an injury.
Cutting Alternatives
I was trying to find the self-harm recovery pen online, however, it sells out extremely fast! Essentially, the pen is filled with a strong mint essential oil to cause a mimic burning sensation. The point of the pen doesn’t harm the skin at all, but it does feel like scratches. It’s typically sold on Etsy. Although this pen isn’t currently selling, there is an alternative to those who cut to draw blood. It’s a Self-Harm Recovery Blood Roller. If you are looking for the mimic burning sensation, use a thin ice pack or just ice and place it on the skin.
One last alternative to cutting is tattooing yourself or getting a tattoo. Many people around me use my tattoo gun as an alternative to self-harming! This tattoo gun is similar to what I have but a cheaper alternative. This one is very similar to mine. It’s important to sterilize your skin before and after the tattoo. Take care of it. Let me know if you would like some tips in the comment section! I’ll definitely do a blog post for it!
Poisoning/Pill Taking Alternatives
I can say that this one is one of my favorite alternatives! Mainly because it’s cost effective, comes in any color, and is Vegan/Vegetarian friendly! This is the Vegan option, Vegetarian option, Gelatin option.
Hitting Objects Alternatives
This is something I recently invested in! Instead of punching things that may cause an injury, I got a double end speed bag. It helps me work out in a fun way, manage my anger/emotions and impulses. It was actually the cheapest and higher quality punching bag kit I saw. It’s great for small spaces.
Last week was spring break for me and it definitely didn’t feel like break. Mainly because I was experiencing a burnout on top of depression. My burnout definitely sparked before finals week. Soon after, my depression followed as there was no room for me to self-care.
Trigger Warning: Contents of heavy history and sensitive topics such as racism are mentioned.
My Burnout & Depression is From Teaching the “Teacher”
I’m tired of teaching people without being compensated for it. Especially at a college level. My burnout is from a sociology course that is being ran by a closed minded White Cisgender Heterosexual male. This professor has acted in micro-aggression to myself and fellow peers. It definitely has contributed to the declination of my mental health.
The first two discussion boards, the professor shared his opinion with me about my views. The first time, I let it slide until he compared the holocaust to racism. Indicating that racism doesn’t exist and we (marginalized groups) learned helplessness. To “prove” his stance, he said that he was an “expert” in African American, Native Indigenous, and immigrant history/studies. Right there, I understood what language I had to speak in order to effectively humiliate him for his bigotry in a professional manner. This made me understand that a degree, title, and position truly means nothing besides validity.
This professor makes me work 10x’s harder. The student-professor hierarchy allows him to take advantage to corner students. All I can say is that I fought back harder than he could ever imagine with facts and actual history to the point he was humiliated enough to personally email me. He couldn’t take accountability to give an actual apology in his email. However, used psychology to go around saying a formal apology.
Stepping in the Right Direction
The sociology professor has triggered my past educational trauma. And it took its toll on me along side outside factors. Recently, I was challenged to do something for myself by the TPCT team. I’m trying to take it one step at a time. Especially, allow myself the care I need. I’m definitely due for a self-care bath.
Self-caring has allowed me to creating a little planting project for myself after getting a home garden starter. Planting and growing herbs allows me to ground and slow down. It gives and provides me with a quiet head space. So far, I’m trying to grow lavender, eucalyptus and white sage in the home garden pods. The lavender seeds are sprouting. I may give growing updates here and there! I’m also growing lettuce; which is looking amazing!
Now, I have something that will allow me to regulate more effectively as I continue taking this required sociology course. The hope is to minimize the amount of burnout I experience from this course. While also connecting me with my feelings.
Dez 🙂
Reels: Week of March 5th (2)
Check out our Reels from this past week; one from Dez, and one from Therell!
4 Steps to Freedom: Overcoming Feeling Trapped, Bad Habits & Intrusive Thoughts
Have you ever felt trapped before? Trapped in a health condition; a job, a toxic relationship, a way of thinking, creative burnout, a series of repeated mistakes, and so on?
Did you know you have the power to change that?
I didn’t think it was possible for someone like me that was suffering for years in all buckets of life. I’ve had to sit and stare this idea of freedom in the face, as I’ve spent many seasons chained to a metaphorical ground in my mind, like a flightless bird with clipped wings. My repetitive thinking, worry and stress makes me feel that I am living half my life. The other half is missing, broken off, or gone.
But I found a way to unchain myself, in all areas of my life that were in pain, and finally, move forward. It’s a single mindset shift, and while I am still in the self improving phase and perfecting this, it’s changed my life.
Now to be gentle and open, I understand some people are in threatening and uncharacteristic circumstances, and while these upcoming steps may not be a solution this mindset shift might offer some elements of peace in other areas.
To start, we need to really think about this idea of freedom, and the definition of it.
Step One: Understanding Your Freedom
Ask yourself: What does it mean to become free from something? In this broken, imperfect world, and in our imperfect bodies, is absolute freedom from something possible, or is it an ideal we strive for to keep us going?
Write down what you view freedom to look, sound, and feel like for you. While this might seem childlike or silly, it is often the childlike paths in our minds that have the least amount of built up hurdles from the “real world” and can provide clarity.
You need to go head to head with what you’re envisioning that version of your life to look like – taking it out of the romantic thought and putting it on paper for you to have a conversation with, and understand.
Be honest with yourself. You only harm yourself when you are dishonest. Honestly is the act of being vulnerable, and being open. This is how we make room for change and insight.
I’ve often wondered what I would be like, what life would be like, if I found and recovered that other half. I envision a much better version of myself, comparing my present self to her and disliking myself all the greater, catalyzing my pain. Hence why we need to get it on paper, and break the comparison cycle.
In reality, romanticizing who I should be and comparing myself just enabled me to believe I didn’t need to take action on change, because it seemed impossible or out of reach.
Now, by definition, freedom is the power to act and speak without restraint.
So, in the art of reverse engineering, we would need to, 1. Identify what we are trying to do, and 2. What is restraining us from meeting our goals?
Step Two: The Action Breakdown
Take that version of yourself and break it down. If you wrote it out, place it to the side and create two columns. The first column is a list of some of the traits you wrote down from this free life (some of the five senses, the location, the adjectives, etc).
The second column is the main or biggest action or change that needs to occur to make that first column a possibility. You should write an action next to each item on the list you made in the first column. Actions might be tangible things, events, habits, or mental shifts.
Now, if you’re like me, you probably notice that a lot of the actions have to do with yourself. Perhaps it’s setting boundaries, adding a new positive habit, or having a hard conversation. Sometimes it’s even deeper, like getting honest about a bad habit, a personality trait you’re not proud of, or will require sacrifices.
Absolutely there are instances where things are entirely out of our control, and don’t worry, I am going to get to that.
Bottom line? Oftentimes we are the one’s retraining ourselves, getting in the way, from our “free” or improved self.
Step Three: Identifying Intrusive Thoughts
Maybe, you’re like me, and you’ve spent weeks, months, years and decades plagued with intensive anxiety and negative thoughts. Perhaps you’ve broken a sweat trying to solve an unsolvable problem, and you can’t rest until you’ve reached an almost-good-enough conclusion.
Or you’ve ruminated to the point of total exhaustion if, like me, you have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD).
But worst of all is when the intrusive thoughts scare you to your core. When you begin to believe them. These irrational whispers in the back of your head that suddenly drive your beliefs about who you are, and your worth.
To ease them, you do compulsions. A series of thoughts or actions that disprove the thoughts, like triple checking that the stove is turned off.
An attempt to regain control, to know the certainty of your outcomes, despite the intrusive thought being entirely irrational most of the time.
Intrusive Thoughts Happen to Us All
Now regardless if you have OCD or not, intrusive thoughts happen to us all. Our compulsions might vary or take the form of something else, like repeating a bad habit. For example, ordering the takeout again, even if you’re on a healthy diet, because the diet feels unachievable, and you aren’t worth it or aren’t capable.
By ordering the food you are gaining comfort and certainty in your outcome, your current reality.
Intrusive thoughts are involuntary thoughts that occur in our minds, at random times. These thoughts are usually negative, and can be distressing or disturbing in nature.
On another piece of paper, write down common or recurring intrusive or negative thoughts you have about yourself.
Why? By acknowledging these intrusive thoughts you now have the power to let them go, not just let them keep your life on repeat. Intrusive or negative thoughts can exhaust us or prevent us from taking action in our lives. What does letting go look like? We hit that in our last step.
[If you are in high distress often I would encourage you to seek an OCD Specialist or mental health professional to provide treatment options and help. I recommend starting with The International OCD Foundation to search for board-certified professionals.
Understanding how intrusive thoughts operate can change your life, and can become a tool for the rest of your life. Ignoring how this cycle works might be what’s holding you back.
Step Four: Catch and Release for Freedom
Now that you’ve done the work it’s time to come up with a plan. But, we often kick ourselves because we try to solve all life buckets, negative habits, at once – and fail. Duh. We are only human. Not fictional characters, or God, or in a movie. We don’t get the change montage in three minutes or two chapters.
Pick one thing and implement it this week – what is the main action you wrote down? Take it further, plan it out, figure out all the steps. Then do it.
By the way, you don’t need to wait for “the start of the week” to start a habit. That’s a form of resistance and excuse. I fell for it a lot. Cross check this plan with your intrusive thoughts, what thoughts might discourage you from making a change?
Letting Go
One of the biggest things we can do in our life, after we come up with a few acknowledgements and actions, is letting go of the rest.
Tell your intrusive thoughts that you don’t actually know the outcome or the answer.It could be true, or not true. Regardless, you don’t care. You don’t need to prove or disprove. You don’t need to repeat a bad habit or compulsion for comfort. It’s not worth your time.
It’s also important to acknowledge the many life things that are out of your control, and letting it go. For me personally, I am a Christian, and the most freeing thing I can do is give it over to my Creator, my God.
Everytime I start to get overwhelmed and continually worry, I ask myself, “Where could I be effectively putting my energy instead?”
It’s also important to let go of this “pure and ideal self” you have in mind. You want progress. Happiness, fulfillment and freedom come from progress. Investing in yourself. Reaching your goals, not this perfect moment or person.
Written by Sarah Edwards (@setapart_company), TPCT Project Coordinator
Disclaimer: Sarah Edwards is not a certified or licensed mental health professional. Rather someone sharing real life experience and findings for others to find commonality and seek actionable steps needed for them.
The Things We Crave: Addiction Recovery, Connection & Peace
If you enjoyed our podcast, make sure you follow us @TurningPointCT to stay up to date with what teens and young adults in CT are talking about! You can find us wherever you stream podcasts (ex. Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts)!
The Help & Harm of New Diagnoses, and Navigating Changes
If you enjoyed our podcast, make sure you follow us @TurningPointCT to stay up to date with what teens and young adults in CT are talking about! You can find us wherever you stream podcasts (ex. Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts)!
Want to find more free mental health supports made by and for teens and young adults in Connecticut? Check out our website https://www.turningpointct.org
Accepting my Adoption
Dear Anonymous,
Growing up, I had periods where I had a hard time accepting my adoption and thought about my birth mother. I thought about how excited I would be to “finally” have a mom. How happy I would feel to “finally” have someone who understood me. And someone who would hug me with more love — I expected myself to have all the reactions an adopted child is expected to feel when meeting their birth parent(s) for the first time.
Some Background Info: Adoption Experience
I had a rough upbringing in the foster system. And even a rough life as an adopted child. There were many things that my adoptive mother did that has caused me trauma. All of which made me feel resentment towards myself, preventing me from accepting my adoption because I wished to be somewhere else. I wanted to be with my dad; but he wasn’t alive. So I tried finding my birth mother.
I got in contact with my birth mother in 2017. I experienced all that I have expected of myself. My birth mother even went to one of my basketball games.
We Didn’t Talk For 3+ Years
Through time, I experienced anger and sadness through a sunken self-worth caused by people who told me that they were right. I sat and reasoned with myself for over 3 years by my own intuition to understand that the words of others meant nothing if I intuitively felt.
This year I put together a family collage of pictures for my ancestral alter. My adoptive mother and birth parents/family were included. The following week, I went on a man-hunt to see if my birth mother was still alive. I searched online, databases, voting information, social media, etc. I called more than 15 numbers that I found online. And went to a few addresses. I slightly gave up; then reflected.
A few days after reflection: My birth mother reached out to me. I expected myself to cry, to be excited, happy, fulfilled, etc. And not a thing came out, besides asking myself why I wasn’t reacting how I expected.
Why I’m Writing ‘Accepting my Adoption’
All this time I was looking to replace the mother I already had. I turned to realize that I accepted my adoptive mother to be my mom. In a way, I surrendered to the universe. I accepted that everyone was flawed in their responses and actions. And what mattered most, was how someone bettered themselves through their mistakes. All this time I resented my adoptive mother for all the things she has done to me without accepting how she bettered herself.
Now that we’re here, I accept my reaction and lack of excitement. I accept my adoptive mother as my mom. I no longer resent my mom nor myself for the decisions that has led me to being adopted. Lastly, I accept my intuition because it has led me here.
Through this all, I learned to understand that a relationship must be built.
Yours Truly,
Damian
Navigating Happiness with Mental Health
Happiness is almost always for me in the small, mundane moments of life. The moments you will miss if you don’t stop and be present for them. The smell of rain and a warm breeze through the window. The laughter of your best friend, or even not overcooking your favorite pasta. When I think about meaning, I like to parallel that with thinking about value. I think the small moments for me take a lot of steps to achieve. I’m naturally am not a present person. I’m an anxious overthinker. So if I’m able to achieve gratitude for a single life moment, that might be one of my biggest accomplishments of the day.
Which makes me want to ponder on how valuable happiness is. Especially why so many of us are yearning for the experience. How much do we think about happiness? As someone with or without mental health challenges, happiness can seem hard to come by at times. Happiness is so precious when it does come by.
To be honest, I’ve spent achunk of my mental conversations trying to uncomplicate the idea of happiness. I think a lot of us are chasing, gripping, holding onto happiness in some way, really everyday, and are trying to decide if happiness is a hypothetical, fantastical construct or if it’s something we actually have control over.I think I obsessed more over why I wasn’t always happy or desired to elongate my happiness that I totally hop-skipped over those small joyful things, and missed out.
I believe it is in our nature as humans, and a deep desire to become perfect. If we’re not happy the moment we wake up or during a “beautiful day” or “event”, we think we’re broken, or something is wrong with us. Ask yourself:
How often do I think I miss out on good moments? (Because I’m too obsessed with wanting to make it last longer).
Why do I not experience a happier feeling in the first place?
That was and sometimes is still an issue I have at least.
I have friends as well that cling onto happy-memories, and try to replicate them. For example, something from childhood. Then we feel continuously let down that it’s not the same experience or feeling.
Many of us try to cram real happiness in a space in our mind that is compared to our fantastical happiness. We put it next to an unreasonable expectation. Or a comparable time when we were different, or in a different season. We set our happiness up for failure.
I used to get so upset that many mornings I didn’t wake up energetic and happy, and that’s because I was influenced by constantly seeing “peaceful” or “perfect morning routine” on social media to the extreme where I thought I was supposed to be like that all the time. So instead of waking up, acknowledging my weary, discontent, maybe stressed emotions, I got angrier and more upset because I wasn’t joyful. When really, all I had to do was acknowledge those emotions then choose to be happier to the best of my ability.
The key here is the best of your ability in that moment, not your imaginations ability. Which is probably a lot higher of a bar and a standard.
By choosing my happiness, and not expecting to just feela certain way, I became actionable to implement things that made me happy. Such as, taking a break in my work day, making my favorite food, calling a friend or saying no to something I didn’t want to do. Therefore, I created my own happiness. Not based on what’s in my head, but the reality of what I could conjure up that day.
Saying no to something or even saying no to an emotion doesn’t automatically cancel out the potential joy you can have in an experience or day! Sometimes, I have a lot of built up thoughts or anxiety, and I just say, no. I’m instead going to go do, insert activity, or be productive to assist my anxiety. I tell myself I will readdress those emotions after. We don’t need to solve all our feelings in one moment. I’m not saying the emotions or thoughts don’t exist, I’m not denying the need to be cared for, I’m just prioritizing my tasks or potential joy over them, as best I can.
To be aware of where you are in a day and then creating change or choices based on that and not your desirable, escapist mind (where we can get so distracted imagining the better) made such a big difference. It’s made me more observant and grateful because now I’m in the present actively looking for good things. So I notice beautiful flowers when driving, when the sun pops out, when my friend says something encouraging.
Instead of chasing happiness I am constructing happiness. You don’t need to chase happiness, you have it instilled in you already! Give it the environment and the right soil and the water to grow it. Take a moment to see the season, the day, the sun and you base your choices and thinking off of that, and not your assumptions as to what the weather will be like, and how people are going to treat you.
If you have a fun idea, or something that will bring joy to someone’s heart, I encourage you to go do it! Plan it, be actionable, and make friends with your happiness. You don’t need to wait for what society deems as an “important moment.” Every moment is important if you want it to be.
Ask yourself – How much happiness am I losing by fantasizing a false expectation that I’m in a certain season of my life when I’m not? What amazing joys am I not appreciating now because it’s not perfect joy?
Sometimes we need to go through the weeds to find our bits of happiness. To find joyful things. Even when stuff just…sucks. Going through the weeds is not reserved only for the “bad days” but every day in my book. It requires us to get painfully honest, and hold up a magnifying glass in order to be more aware of these gifts, of the blessings, and to re-define what makes me happy. To renew my heart in realizing that so many things and blessings have the potential to put a smile on my face, and my heart. Instead of always wanting more.
As a spiritual person, I also pray deeply for others’ happiness. But for the non-spiritual, this is similar to thinking about elevating others happiness. Doing an act of kindness or planning an activity (or small moment) in the day to bring them higher. This takes the attention away from ourselves, the pressure, while remaining actionable about thinking through joy and small moments.
Imagine what the world would evolve into if we all focused on not just our own happiness, but how we can create happiness for others?
But hey, let’s get real. There are days, moments in a day, when joy seems so far. When intrusive thoughts are so overpowering, we feel broken beyond repair. I also find myself falling into the constant thought process that my emotions impact others deeply, and that makes me anxious. That I have to be happy in order to be loved, to be desired or wanted around. I overthink, and over-read others reactions to my emotions or how I act in a day. This creates a pressure cooker mentality, I start clawing for happiness, and panicking when I’m not for the sake of my relationships.
I’ve really tried to grasp onto this idea of a new day. With mental illness, a new day used to feel truly useless. I would say, “I have a chronic illness. Who cares about a new day?” I would fear sleeping, and waking up and the cycle would continue. This is in reference to the throws of my deeper Harm Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (hOCD).
But when a new day comes, new opportunities and moments present themselves. New laughter, small jokes and fragile seeds. And with every passing day, wounds, big and small heal. So that terrible day you had? Where you fear you may have negatively impacted another person? Where you fear you’ve wounded yourself beyond healing? It’s already far away in their minds, and it should be in yours too. But I find negative thinking, and even the strongest moments of mental health are temporary. It’s slipping away, like sand on a beach. It’s probably smaller than your mind is ruminating it to be. Our minds love to make everything feels like everything is a big thing. Because we are the center of the universe, in our heads. But we have the power to change that narrative.
People don’t observe your happiness with a fine tooth comb, because they’re already trying to do it for themselves.
You don’t need to be embarrassed. You don’t need to feel like you need to conceal your suffering. It took me a long time to learn this. I often need to remind myself that an “unhappy” version of myself (or day) is just a day of growth and learning. We’re all emotional in our own ways and trying to find that bit of happiness – and broken and imperfect. However, in those cracks are beautiful lessons, experiences and moments of joy. Go find yours.
Written by Sarah Edwards (@setapart_company), TPCT Project Coordinator
NAMI: Free Young Adult CT Events!
NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) Connecticut is holding FREE upcoming CT events and opportunities for those ages 18-29! Take a look at the following flyers for more information!
Who: NAMI invites young adults with leadership qualities and readiness to step into the peer world!
What: There will be workshops, bonfires, fun activities, etc. and brainstorming sessions to “reimagine” the future of NAMI CT and it’s Next Gen programs!
Location: 253 Bushy Hill Rd, Deep River, CT, 06417
All meals and lodging are covered!
Visit NAMIfor more CT events, opportunities, and information!
Random Acts of Kindness Day: How You Can Spread Kindness
Did you know today is Random Acts of Kindness Day? Here are 10 ways you can make an impact today, and everyday.
Pay for a strangers coffee
Compliment someone’s outfit
Thank your teacher for all they do
Write positive words on sticky notes and leave them around town
Smile at someone in passing
Give up your seat for someone
Hold the door open for someone
Donate clothes you no longer want
Leave a basket of tennis balls at the dog park
Write letters to soldiers or elderly people
It’s Okay To Be Single
Single Life
Valentine’s week can be a tough time for some. Couples and couples activities are slightly thrown in the faces of those who are single. And it isn’t just during the week of Valentine’s Day, but the weeks leading up to it as well. There’s romance movies and TV shows running all the time. There’s an increase amount of flowers and chocolates available in stores.
I have been single for my entire life. It used to be very depressing and I do sometimes still feel lonely. Having a romantic partner would be such an honor. I’m patiently waiting for the day where I meet them.
It’s Okay to be Single
Some of you may feel that way too. Just know, though, that it is perfectly okay to not be in a romantic relationship.
I have goals I am working towards achieving. I feel that some goals need to either be fully achieved. Or even close enough to complete before I enter a romantic relationship. That way I can give the best version of myself to my future partner.
The Day Will Come
Our time will come, my fellow singles. Don’t force anything to happen. Please be as patient as you can.
The days that pass from now to the beginning of your romantic journey creates perfect opportunities for you to continue working on achieving your goals.
I wish you all enormous amounts of success and happiness!
– Therell 🤠
A Love Letter to Those Who Think They Can’t Be Loved with Mental Health
Dear Mental Health Sufferer,
You can love and be loved even with severe mental health.
Perhaps that seems like a simple statement to you, or maybe it’s an outrageous one. But to me, two years ago, that was the impossible. That was unattainable. So much so, I never let myself dream of it, in fact, I cut it from my narrative all-together.
After a major mental health collapse and a long-overdue Harm OCD diagnosis, I decided my fate was to be void entirely of being loved. Growing up with mental health also created this intimacy separation; I believed I was a burden-like side effect of society. I associated myself as a twenty-percent-off coupon that you find in the bottom of grocery bags. Somewhat useful, but perhaps not entirely worth your time. To make me feel better, I always found a new mantra to strip away the suffering. And bend the sharp edges into a (sometimes passable) illusional and artful response. A reasoning as to why I avoided, at all costs, a sense of bonding or trust with another person.
I believe my true fear was not entirely in my ability to love and be social. Rather, that I felt like a ticking grenade. That with any panic attack, burnout or collapse, I would explode shrapnel into a helpless individual that deserves a bomb (as in fun and cool) significant other, and not a literal bomb. So with every guy that turned my direction, or smiled at me, I further zipped up my hazmat suit to my eyeballs for their protection, and continued on with my evening.
The pandemic came with many mental health horrors that I will not indulge during this letter. However, the beginning was a few months after I was recovering from OCD collapse and isolation. Healing became my focus. Amidst that focus was the encouraging words of my mother who believed what I needed in my healing was a companion. I mean, she always wanted grandchildren, and perhaps my minimal-dating record made me the odds out horse in the race. I was the best return rate to bet on, but the least likely to win. Even if I did find the courage, I had the dating skills of a sixth grader.
Thankfully, I struck a deal, and saw the perfect opportunity. Amidst the pandemic beginnings, I wouldn’t have to meet any of these guys in person. Just vet and talk to them. Therefore, letting my various subtypes of OCD and Generalized Anxiety drive my internal dialogue with the safety switch of an end call button. So I made a dating profile, then I prayed to God.
No, seriously, I prayed to God. In my healing journey, I also was finding spirituality in Christianity. I leaned more into the word companion then boyfriend. I figured I’d find some hip mentor, second aunt, or college graduate friend who can walk with me in my various needs of exploration and healing. In all, I was still convinced that my messaging inbox would remain empty.
I was trying to be illusional and artful to my mother but God saw right through that. The next day I met the guy I’d eventually fall in love with and would become my now boyfriend.
If you need to reread that, go ahead.
I won’t go into the details of the process and the strength it took. But, what I can tell you is that it’s possible. I gave myself the small step of permission to take a chance. Not just in loving, but that I was able to be loved in return. You don’t have to limit or hide yourself. If you believe that the only lovable parts are the “non-mental-health parts” of your personality and identity, you’re wrong. You, as an entire being, are lovable. There is someone out there who needs you to love them in the way that you do. Just because of mental health, doesn’t mean you can’t also care for someone else. Actually, I’ve found, due to my mental health, I’m more emotionally in-tune. And detailed in seeing voids and needs of my significant other then not.
We became a team, and we complimented the broken parts of each other. Nobody is perfect, and everyone has fragments of themselves that need extra mending or attention. Perhaps you’re the person to bring that to the table. I found, my person had exactly what I needed and still need. Be grateful that our minds don’t always conjure up our realities of what we think we deserve. God gifted me with a beautiful person I could not have thought up myself (and I have a very creative mind).
He sits on the bathroom floor with me when I’m kneeling over the toilet, dry heaving in anxiety shakes and nausea. Draws me a hot bath when my body aches from the tremors and the night sweats. He gently takes my hand in public when I start wringing the skin off my fingers in stressful intrusive thought. He stays diligently during a panic attack so I no longer have to endure the internal enemy of my mind mixed with the external enemy of loneliness. When I’m facing some anxiety-induced depression he softly and slowly brings out the child in me that I now realize I neglected companionship with in childhood. He even reads about my conditions to make sure he’s not feeding into my reassurance compulsions of my OCD.
And it took me a while to find an overarching theme of these acts of kindness beyond kindness itself. Rather, I realized it’s a form of patience. Love embedded in the waiting. The sitting, the holding, the listening, was an exercise of patience. This particular individual was always calmly waiting for the mental health moment; day, week or season to pass, knowing, during and on the other side, I was still me. A worthy and loving human being. Someone who is more than a diagnosis or an acronym or a statistic. An entire person made up of laughter and unique personality and intellect that had a lot to give to the world.
I will not be untruthful, mental health touches every aspect of life, especially if you walk the more severe side of your diagnoses, like I do. Your mental health, and you can bet, my Harm OCD, attacks my love and relationship with this person on a daily basis. However, I know for sure I would take all my daily intrusive thoughts, times ten, to continue allowing and giving myself permission to love, and be loved. I know that with proper communication, and mindfulness, you can coexist with your mental health conditions and still maintain a very happy and open relationship. Yes, I’m including all the moments of late nights, panic attacks, doctors appointments, crying sessions and cartaking.
My advice is to promote patience in yourself to prepare the grounds for loving and being loved. What stopped me before is I was impatient with myself, unforgiving and ridiculed beyond every stretch of the imagination that I was unworthy of joy and healing. Yet in all that imagining I didn’t once imagine the possibility of me being the person for someone. I want you to do that for yourself today.
I want the person reading this to know that while I would whisk away your mental health sufferings in a minute. You have this immense beauty and personability through your experiences in your suffering. Don’t take away that light from the world and not allow yourself to love (in any way or capacity) because you think you are incapable of doing so from your conditions. You can love and be loved even with severe mental health.
Sincerely,
Someone who is loved.
Written by Sarah Edwards (@setapart_company), TPCT Project Coordinator
CT Hearing Voices Network Support Groups
The Connecticut Hearing Voices Network (CTHVN) is designed to enhance current opportunities for people who hear voices, see visions or have other unusual sensory perceptions to find and build supportive peer communities through support groups and community education. CTHVN offers free supports groups to those who need a space to discuss their experiences. Use this link or call (860) 952-4050 for more information.
Teen Dating Violence Awareness
Each February, young adults and people across the nation raise awareness about the issue of teen dating violence. National Teen Dating Violence Awareness and Prevention month focuses on educating young people on how to stop dating abuse before it starts.
What is Teen Dating Violence?
Teen dating violence includes physical, psychological, or sexual abuse. This also includes harassment or stalking of anyone ages 12-18 in context of present or past romantic or consensual relationship.
Physical Abuse: biting, hitting, scratching, pushing, hair pulling, etc.
Emotional/Psychological Abuse:name calling, bullying, intentionally embarrassing, shaming, monitoring, etc.
Sexual Abuse:forcing a teen partner into a sexual act against will or without consent
Stalking:following or harassing a teen partner in a way that causes them fear of safety and/or well-being
Teen dating violence can be done in person, via social media, phone communication, electronically.
Why Teen Dating Violence Awareness is Important
We want to prevent teen dating violence. Dating violence is more common than you think:
1 in 3 U.S. teens will experience physical, sexual, or emotional abuse
1 in 3 teens (1.5 Million) admits to being in an unhealthy relationship
Transgender teens report the highest rates of physical dating violence (88.9%), psychological dating abuse (58.8%), cyber dating abuse (56.3%), and sexual abuse (61.1%).
LGBTQ youthstatistics: cyber dating abuse (37%), physical dating violence (43%), psychological dating abuse (59%), sexual abuse (23%)
Heterosexual youthstatistics: cyber dating abuse (26%), physical dating violence (29%), psychological dating abuse (46%), sexual abuse (12%)
Transgender, LGBTQ, and heterosexualyouth/teens of color (e.g. Native Indigenous, African, Asian, Latin, Hispanic) experience a higher percentage of dating violence than their white identifying peers.
Preventing Teen Dating Violence
We know how hard it is to get out of a violent relationship, especially talk about it. It’s highly encouraged to talk with your trusted friends or a trusted adult. Your experience is taken seriously and there is always someone who can try and help!
For adults reading this; it is extremely important that you open your lines of communication. Meet teens where they’re at. Share your own experiences of when you were a teen. Model compassion and kindness. Always encourage teens to think about how they want to be treated or their “non-negotiables”. Doing so will only create a safe environment and teen motivation to step in the right direction.
Here is a positivity exercise for everyone to try! I hope it is something that can help boost your mood a little bit! 😇
My Body Image Journey
Growing up, I was always self conscious about my body image. Primarily because family members would comment on my body. I either looked like a “fat cow” or was labeled “anorexic” even though I was in the middle of the chart. Regardless of my weight, I was over sexualized and received uncomfortable comments about my body. It has caused quite the issue that has contributed to a body image turmoil.
Food to Hide vs. Losing to Be Seen
At some point, food became my only comfort. I tried eating to hide even though I knew it wouldn’t make me feel any better. I ate to no longer be called anorexic or be made fun of for being a healthy weight. So, I ended up gaining 77lbs in one and a half years; ending up at 220lbs by the beginning of my freshman year of college. And yet, my efforts weren’t enough for certain family members. My body image was then taunted with disgust.
That has led to a point in my life where I unhealthily lost weight. I lost about 60lbs in 6 months due to depression, an unhealthy eating habit, and taking weight loss supplements. I felt shame in my weight loss journey while also feeling better about my body image.
Personal Realization
It took me a while to lose weight in a healthy manner. I told myself that I had to do it for myself and in a healthy way. It has led me to research how to healthily lose weight. This resulted in me trying intermittent fasting; tailored to my active times while incorporating balanced meals. Outside of my body changes, I noticed that my brain functioned a lot better when I was fasting. I was able to do homework during the day instead of only at night. My overall mood, energy and sleep was better.
In those moments, I began to understand what I put into my body matters, not my weight. I’m only healthy by engaging in healthy things. My body is beautiful regardless how it looks because my soul is beautiful.
Navigating My Body Image Today
Although I had that breakthrough, I still struggle with my body image. In response, I try to engage in healthy activity at least 5 times a week. First, I started with a goal of stretching everyday. Then, I set a goal of doing at least 20 sit ups a day. Which is where I’m at in my journey. Setting a smaller goal actually motivates me to do more. This is what I have been doing (depending on my mood):
Jumping Jacks for 1 or 2 songs
15 to 20 Push-Ups
Air Punches for Half a Song
SpongeBob Dance
Arm Curls
Glute Raises
There are days where I do all of the workouts on the list! There are days where I would do just one workout. I can say that all of this has been making me want to start jogging. My next goal is to start jogging at least once a week! When I do, I may give you all an update!
– Dez 🙂
January: National Mentoring Month
January is National Mentoring Month. Mentoring others is a passion of mine that started by being mentored. Through TurningPointCT, I have been able to mentor youth and young adults all across CT. It has been an incredible experience and although I will be leaving this position at the end of the month, I am looking forward to the ways I will continue my mentorship skills in the next job.
For me, mentoring means to guide someone in the direction of their desires and dreams. It means to meet someone where they are at and help them see their strengths, reflect on areas they want to improve quality in, and encourage them through every part.
Oftentimes, I feel as if I am most successful as a mentor when I allow the mentee to lead. Although as a mentor I need to uphold role-modeling behavior, one effective way of creating a good relationship is to show my human side. Being transparent about my own life helps break the ice and creates a safe space for vulnerability and trust.
Mentors that I seek support from accept me in all ways. They are never judgmental and always embrace every part of me. Whether I’m seeking direction or a space to vent, having a mentor has not only helped my quality of life, but also has helped me become a better mentor to others.
We are looking for Young Adults to contribute to TurningPointCT! Unsure of what to write about? Check out the flyer for ideas for the month of February. Not much of a writer? Not a problem – we have a podcast too. Podcasts are released bi-monthly and hosted by our team members. We’d love to have you join. Share Your Voice!
Where Do I Start?
At TurningPointCT we want to create a safe space for our peers! Especially make your life a little easier!
Share your Mental Health Journey or read about your peer’s journeys here.
