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For my whole life, I have struggled with my Gender Identity. Even from a young age I never felt like I fit in. I liked to dress in overalls and shorts. I would sometimes wear skirts, but I never really enjoyed it. At school, I enjoyed playing on the slides and monkey bars. My teachers always told me to play with the girls, but I never found what they do to be interesting. No, it wasn’t ever easy having to grow up with people who told me what I was doing was wrong. But I have always been carefree. I barely ever listened to the people that told me I was in the wrong crowd.
I remember it becoming too much right around 7th or 8th grade. Every day I would wake up and feel gross in my body. Like I wasn’t in the right one. It held a very bad mental strain on me, to the point where I resorted to self-harm. At first, I promised myself it would only be a one-time thing, but I was very wrong. It started to become a habit to the point where my mother called the cops on me. That day, I was emitted into the mental ward of Yale New-Haven. I stayed there overnight until my dad picked me up.
At first, the support I had was my sister, my brother, and my therapist. My sister absolutely did anything to help me. She corrected people, told them, always told me that she was proud of me and how far I had come. My brother, although he didn’t tell me much, he was always supportive. He also has told me that he was proud of me. I even made them both trans pride stickers that say ‘proud brother/sister’, and they display them proudly. Never do they judge me, they’re always kind. My therapist always helped me by teaching me how to reach out and how to deal with the mental strain. She also was so kind and told me she was proud of me.
Yes, this did help. It helped me a lot. It helped to distract from the other people because I knew that my loved ones were proud of me, so that’s all that really mattered to me. They helped me, always did their best to understand me. Even my mom did, she helped a lot as well.
The turning point I noticed is when I started to smile more. In the past, I rarely flashed a smile. I always thought that I didn’t have a reason to smile. There wasn’t anything that made me happy, because I didn’t feel true to myself. But, as I started to realize and get more comfortable with myself, I started to smile more. I started to display happiness more, and I started to hang out with people more. Before, I pushed everyone away and didn’t wanna talk to anyone. It also started to change for the better when people started to notice me more as a male. That made me the happiest I ever have been.
Now, my life is filled with fewer negative thoughts. Now I hang out with people more and I go out more. I have made friends and it has honestly changed me for the better. Ever since I transitioned, my mind has been more clear. Since then, I have been able to complete more writing projects, and I have been able to complete more art projects as well.
What I would tell people who are having a bad time is to never give up, because I promise it will get better. I used to think it didn’t but here I am, I haven’t self-harmed in months and I am living my best life. People may drag you down, but I believe that you have the power to fight back. And please remember that it isn’t weak to need to reach out to people. We aren’t made to deal with problems ourselves. You wouldn’t wanna overwork your body, it’s already doing its best. Needing to find any sort of help, isn’t something to be ashamed of.
For my whole life, I have struggled with my Gender Identity. Even from a young age I never felt like I fit in.
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