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I’m going to start by saying that I had such an amazing 2023 (despite dealing with a traumatic eye infection lol). 2023 consisted of several trips, time spent doing things I enjoy, working on having better connection with others, and even getting more comfortable with going out of state by myself. I think I really grew as a person in so many ways. I also really learned to choose myself.
The year started off rough. Just a lot of personal things and a lot of significant changes. The changes were 100% for the better. But, that didn’t make dealing with big life changes any easier. Adjusting takes time.
I started the year off with leaving a long term relationship that I was in for just over 5 years. At the end of 2022 I knew I needed to do it, but it took time for me to make a realistic plan to leave. I was terrified because I really had nothing and I knew I couldn’t afford a place of my own, so I had to find somewhere to crash immediately after. While it was the best decision for myself, it was still so hard.
I spent most of February really trying to reconnect with myself. Honestly, I really lost myself in my last relationship trying to be who I thought I needed to be not only my partner, but also because I had five animals, three cats and two dogs. I honestly felt suffocated and trapped because having two puppies was a lot of work and I wasn’t getting the help I needed with them. Whenever I went anywhere, I always had at least one dog with me. I really did not have any true me time.
With all of that being said, in February of this year after I had adjusted into the new space I was living, I started making an intentional effort to get outside again. Aside from work, I had no responsibilities. As soon as I got out of work, I could do whatever I wanted to do with my time. That time in nature really helped to ground me and it was a good way to rediscover how much I enjoyed going out and doing things on my own.
During this time, I also was spending a lot of time with my family. I was living next door to my parents and I found myself over there frequently to hangout with my parents, my sister, and their cats. Oh and because I was broke, I was also mooching their food…🤣
Solo adventures continued. I was going somewhere to hike or walk everyday when I got out of work. It was something I looked forward to a lot. I loved just getting out and experiencing things.
March was also the month I finally started to deal with my debt. I had been avoiding it for so long because of shame and anxiety. But, I had no choice because it was at the point where I couldn’t afford to make the monthly payments anymore. I couldn’t even afford to feed myself.
I also started seeing someone new. Now, I’m sure a lot of people probably are tsk tsk tsking me for starting a relationship so soon after ending a long term relationship. But, this wasn’t just a fling with a random. This was someone who I was really good friends with. They had also really helped me with my mental health when I was struggling in 2022. I struggled a lot with suicidal ideation. They were there for me and never judged me.
On the last day of March, we left for our trip to Upstate New York, which was exciting!
Beginning of the month, we were on my birthday weekend getaway. Lots of waterfalls, mountains, and gorges. Oh, and this is when I got pink eye for the first time in my life. Aside from the pink eye, we really did have an awesome trip and we were able to see a lot. We also just had so much fun together. The trip was full of laughter.
On April 4th, I turned 26. Didn’t expect to start my 26th year of life with my eyes swollen shut, but I guess worse things could have happened. I’m thankful to have made it to 26. With all of my struggles with my mental health, there were a lot of times in my life that I never thought I’d make it to my mid 20s.
But, due to the pink eye, my first few weeks of 26 came with a lot of doctors appointments. On top of having pink eye, I also had some sort of infection causing me a sore throat so I had that examined. I went to this appointment with my primary care doctor on my lunch break thinking it would be pretty routine. I was wrong.
My doctor said she saw something in my throat and she didn’t know what it was. She was looking on Google, she brought in a PA, and then they thought I might have something abnormal going on. I was sent to get an X-Ray to see what was going on. My lunch break ended up being much over the allowed 30 minutes, which thankfully my job is flexible and it was chill.
When the doctor got the results from the X-Ray people, she called me and told me to go to the emergency room, thinking I might have epiglottis, which can be fatal. Essentially, it’s a swelling of the epiglottis and basically it could swell to the point that it blocked my windpipe making me suffocate. I went to the ER just to find out I simply have a very “pronounced” epiglottis – the most pronounced that the ER nurse had ever seen.
Anyhoo, I got antibiotics for whatever infection I had in my throat. It cleared it up right away, but I finished the 10 day dose. Shortly after though, I had hives all over my neck and face. It was then that I learned I’m allergic to amoxicillin. I probably would have known this sooner if my mom let me take antibiotics growing up lol.
Despite all of this, I survived April, my first month as a 26 year old. Oh, and I moved to a new spot.
May included more outdoor time, of course. At this point I had been living in the coastal town for about a month. I discovered it is only a five minute walk to the shore, so that became a routine of mine. I walked from beach to beach to parks in town. I’d see tons of ospreys flying overhead. Discovering this little oasis was great because honestly, I couldn’t afford to drive anywhere at this point.
In May, I had also started to shop for new clothing. I had two weddings I needed to find dresses for and my wardrobe just needed an upgrade. As someone with a history of eating disorders and body dysmorphia, this is not one of my favorite things to do. But, I did find some clothes that I was comfortable with and bathing suits.
Another big thing for me in May was I cut off a significant amount of my hair. It was cathartic in a way. I hadn’t cut my hair in years because I was traumatized by a previous haircut where they chopped all of my hair off at a trim. Like…my hair was just above my bum and when she brought my hair forward it was above my shoulders. I was happy with this haircut though and it helped me get over that fear.
This month I took at family vacation to North Conway, New Hampshire in the White Mountains. In the past I’ve struggled with family vacations, but this one went so smoothly. I had my own vehicle and my parents and sister followed me to all of the place I had picked out, mostly waterfalls. I liked having that safe space where I could just relax with my music in between enjoying time with them. We also went to the top of Mount Washington via The Cog Railway, which was cool!
In June, I also went to the beach in a bathing suit for the first time in years. This was not an easy thing to do for me. My body has changed a lot and it’s a big reason I haven’t gone to the beach during the summer in years. I also live in the town where I went to school so I was worried about people from high school seeing me. I didn’t want people looking at me because I just wasn’t comfortable in my body. Again, this was due to history of eating disorders.
July is when I lost my grandfather. He is the first grandparent I ever lost and he was always the grandparent that I was closest with. We had a really strong connection through our love of music, both listening to it and playing it. I spoke about him at his funeral, which I’m sure shocked everyone because of my anxiety around public speaking.
July I spent a lot of time with family. I took a couple of trips out of state with family. One two New York with my mom and sister and one to Boston with my brother, which were enjoyable. When all the various family gatherings became too much for me, I turned to alone time in nature. Hikes with good views are always something that help me stay present in the moment and grounded.
In August, I started trying to embrace my naturally wavy hair. I had discovered the curly girl method and I was intrigued. I really wanted to just love my natural hair.
Mid month, I took a spontaneous trip to Maine with a friend to go on a whale and puffin cruise. We drove four and a half hours to Boothbay and visited the Coastal Maine Botanical Gardens before going on the cruise in Boothbay Harbor. Such a fun day trip.
In the beginning of September, I went to former TurningPointCT member Ally’s wedding, and it was literally the most beautiful wedding ever. Truly could not be any happier for her. When we finally saw each other that night, we just squealed with happiness on the dance floor.
My boyfriend and I made the most of making the trip out to her wedding and we did some hiking in Connecticut, Massachusetts, and New York. I think my favorite hike was the one up to the fire tower in New York, which had such great views.
At the end of the month, we had another wedding to go to. My boyfriend was the best man in this wedding and I was extremely nervous about having to be alone with people I didn’t know well while he did best man related things. I shocked myself with how social I was and I really came out of my shell. Never in a million years would have thought I’d be able to go to a wedding and be totally okay socially. I was so proud of myself for relaxing actually talking to people.
This month, I also did a solo waterfall excursion in the Pocono Mountains, which I wrote about here.
October called for all of the fall festivities! It’s one of my favorite seasons and I love watch the leaves change. I went to the White Mountains to check out the foliage, drove around locally to check out foliage, and even did a solo tower adventure in northwestern Connecticut! It was quite literally magical.
Of course, I also did fun Halloween things like carving pumpkins and making pumpkin and ghost cookies, because I’m a sucker for stuff like that.
November was the month of beach sunsets. Since it was starting to get dark really early, I made it my mission to try and catch the sunset as often as I could after work. It was something that really brought my joy. I went to so many local spots I had never watched a sunset from before. Each sunset really left me in awe. I don’t think I’ll ever get over watching the sun setting behind the water. These sunsets really made me realize that I don’t need much to bring me happiness.
This month, I also took another solo trip. I went to Pennsylvania again to hit some waterfalls I missed, then went right over the border to the tallest waterfall in New Jersey, and then I hit Sleepy Hollow, NY on my way home because it had been on my list for a while. That was such a fun little day trip.
This month was filled with festivities! I went to see so many holiday lights, some which I had never heard of! I also spent a lot of time going to cafes that were relatively close to me that I had never been to before. After the cafes, I’d explore the area and I found a ton of small parks I had never been to!
December also consisted of an absolute last minute trip to Cape Cod with my brother. We ended up walking to the absolute tip of The Cape and we saw two lighthouses. Then we spent the night in Provincetown before spontaneously stopping in Newport on our way back to Connecticut.
I also did my now annual trip to NYC with my brother for the holidays. My brother has his own family now and I don’t see him that often. So, it was nice to have a day to have another day with him even if we did end up walking 14 miles…but I did get to see a lot of the city that I’ve never seen before!
In terms of the actual holidays, they were super laid back this year, which I was thankful for. We split it up between two days, one day with my family and another day with my boyfriend’s family. I was happy for how relaxing it was and for not feeling like I had to run around everywhere.
Setting the boundary for me to pick just one event for my family instead of doing both was uncomfortable, but I was so glad I did it. I don’t anticipate doing much for New Year’s out of the ordinary because partying is not really my thing. I’m hoping to do a New Year’s hike and spend New Year’s Eve on relaxing at home.
If you made it this far, thanks for reading! It’s been a crazy year! I think my favorite part of this year was how much I was able to travel. I’m hoping to do even more next year!
I hope you all have a happy and healthy New Year! 🙂
– Kailey
TurningPointCT.org was developed by young people in Connecticut who are in recovery from mental health and substance use issues. We know what it’s like to feel alone, stressed, worried, sad, and angry. We’ve lived through the ups and downs of self-harm, drugs and alcohol, and the struggle to find help.
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