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Earlier this year, I was in a funk where I just did not feel like myself. My mental health was absolute garbage because I just had a variety of things that life threw my way. The song below pretty much perfectly sums up how I was feeling during that period:
I’m slipping away
In every way
I can’t stay awake (and I don’t know why)
I’m slipping away (and I don’t know why)
[Chorus]
I’m trying to make it through each day
I’m falling apart now in every way
I’m finding it harder to get by
There’s a hole in my heart and I don’t know why
[Outro]
Now I’ve come to realize I’m slipping away…
I spent a lot of time listening to this on repeat and while dissociating. Dissociating is very much my brain’s way of trying to protect me from the negative emotions. I was very much just going through the motions every single day. But the song is quite literally a ballad about depression, so it was very fitting at the time.
Recently, I’ve been making a solid effort to try and get back into things I know help me and bring me joy. Working a full time job, having a house to upkeep, and just having all of my other adulting to do sometimes makes hobbies feel like a very daunting task. It’s almost like things that I like to do are just another thing to check off of my to-do list.
I was supposed to go to Acadia National Park last month, but Hurricane Lee had Bar Harbor in a tropical storm/hurricane watch zone. So, I unfortunately cancelled my trip. BUT, since I knew I was really struggling to make it through the work days due to anxiety, I decided to keep the two days I took off.
The first day, it rained, but I was so determined to make the most of my day off that I went out and did a local adventure. I went to Middletown, CT to have a waterfall adventure. During the trip, I also got out of my comfort zone to break out my tripod to get some footage of me on my solo adventure for my travel blog. I get weird about doing it in front of other people, so I figured a rainy day was the perfect day for that.
The second day, I drove by myself to the Poconos to explore waterfalls in Pennsylvania! After loving having videos and such of me and my adventure the day before, I was a lot more comfortable whipping out the tripod and setting it up in a pretty public park. Both days of solo adventures reminded I am capable of doing things on my own.
Since that time off, I’ve been on plenty of solo adventures. I’ve gotten back into using my camera to get long exposures of waterfalls. Sometimes it does still feel daunting to set time aside to adventure, but I do make sure I get out and connect with myself and nature because I’ve been reminded how healing it can be for me. These adventures are something for me to look forward to.
-Kailey
TurningPointCT.org was developed by young people in Connecticut who are in recovery from mental health and substance use issues. We know what it’s like to feel alone, stressed, worried, sad, and angry. We’ve lived through the ups and downs of self-harm, drugs and alcohol, and the struggle to find help.
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