Last week was spring break for me and it definitely didn’t feel like break. Mainly because I was experiencing a burnout on top of depression. My burnout definitely sparked before finals week. Soon after, my depression followed as there was no room for me to self-care.
Trigger Warning: Contents of heavy history and sensitive topics such as racism are mentioned.
My Burnout & Depression is From Teaching the “Teacher”
I’m tired of teaching people without being compensated for it. Especially at a college level. My burnout is from a sociology course that is being ran by a closed minded White Cisgender Heterosexual male. This professor has acted in micro-aggression to myself and fellow peers. It definitely has contributed to the declination of my mental health.
The first two discussion boards, the professor shared his opinion with me about my views. The first time, I let it slide until he compared the holocaust to racism. Indicating that racism doesn’t exist and we (marginalized groups) learned helplessness. To “prove” his stance, he said that he was an “expert” in African American, Native Indigenous, and immigrant history/studies. Right there, I understood what language I had to speak in order to effectively humiliate him for his bigotry in a professional manner. This made me understand that a degree, title, and position truly means nothing besides validity.
This professor makes me work 10x’s harder. The student-professor hierarchy allows him to take advantage to corner students. All I can say is that I fought back harder than he could ever imagine with facts and actual history to the point he was humiliated enough to personally email me. He couldn’t take accountability to give an actual apology in his email. However, used psychology to go around saying a formal apology.
Stepping in the Right Direction
The sociology professor has triggered my past educational trauma. And it took its toll on me along side outside factors. Recently, I was challenged to do something for myself by the TPCT team. I’m trying to take it one step at a time. Especially, allow myself the care I need. I’m definitely due for a self-care bath.
Self-caring has allowed me to creating a little planting project for myself after getting a home garden starter. Planting and growing herbs allows me to ground and slow down. It gives and provides me with a quiet head space. So far, I’m trying to grow lavender, eucalyptus and white sage in the home garden pods. The lavender seeds are sprouting. I may give growing updates here and there! I’m also growing lettuce; which is looking amazing!
Now, I have something that will allow me to regulate more effectively as I continue taking this required sociology course. The hope is to minimize the amount of burnout I experience from this course. While also connecting me with my feelings.