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Best friends have always been something difficult for me to maintain. Whether it was my addiction destroying me as a person, therefore destroying friendships… or my own insecurities finding a way to sabotage them. I had best friends growing up, but ones that I thought were going to be forever, ended. Whether it was my fault or theirs, I was able to accept the ones that I ruined. For me, best friends seemed to come and go. Although I know it’s normal in life, I wanted someone to stay; forever.
I started praying for God to bring someone in my life that would stick around, lift me up, and be the person I could lean on when I’m struggling. Not only did He answer that prayer, but He gave me so much more than I asked. God surprises me like that 🙂
I met Jen years ago when I was in the depths of my addiction. I wasn’t interested in people or friendships whatsoever, unless you got high or sold drugs. I went to church one night to the addiction ministry my church has and I don’t remember why I even showed up. I wasn’t really interested in getting much help. Jen was extremely nice to me, despite the horrible person I was. She didn’t judge me, didn’t roll her eyes at me… she viewed me as a human and had empathy towards me.
My immediate thought of her was, “this is just another Christian girl that has no idea what I’ve been through and will judge every bit of it. Don’t get close to her.” But after getting to know her, I learned that it was far from true. Little did I know that we would become best friends.
Jen is the type of best friend that has your back whether you are right or wrong. Those times that I am wrong, she doesn’t make me feel stupid about it, doesn’t tell me how wrong I am, doesn’t put me down… but instead, tells me how I can better the situation and myself and reminds me that I am only human.
In the past year, we have become closer than I ever expected to. She’s the person I call when I have my breakdowns, panic attacks, insecure intrusive thoughts, need to vent or cry or laugh, and a lot of times.. she simply just listens.
She listens to actually listen, too. She doesn’t try to respond, doesn’t try to jump in with what I should do… just listens, which is all I really need sometimes. The amount of times I have called her to cry, pray, scream, curse, laugh.. is immeasurable.
One thing we have in common is how it breaks each of our hearts that we both don’t see just how valuable and amazing we are. I wish there was a way Jen could have my eyes even just for a second so she can see what I see. Do you know someone that needs to see what you see?
I can’t stress how valuable she is for sustaining my recovery. To make it clear: I would not be in active recovery without her in my life. I know that sounds like a lot of responsibility for her and a lot of reliance from me onto her, but it’s the truth.
Do you have a best friend? What’s your relationship like with them? What impact have they had on your life?
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