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As the New Year is approaching, I reflect on 2017.
Daily reflection is something I do often, but reflecting on the entire year seemed a little overwhelming.
However, I’m very proud of myself for what I did (and didn’t do) this year.
-I spoke/presented my story to over 50 places
-I celebrated 2 years in recovery!
-I won 2 awards for my advocacy work
-I was featured in the media 8 times
-I did not get high
-I started college
-I had so many great moments spent with my family
-I had two amazing jobs
And much more!
I also went through a breakup with someone that I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I thought that this breakup was going to cause me to backslide, but it didn’t. My heart was definitely crushed, but I was able to still value myself, not beat myself up too much, and learn to fully give my heart to God.
I had some other tough times, like attending funerals of close friends, temptations to get high, barriers in everything that I did, lost a job, lost a friendship, and felt completely defeated.
However, I turned my fear into faith and held onto the promises that God gives. My faith definitely grew a lot this year and I saw God work wonders in my life that I never believed were possible.
I also had a lot of healing this year. I let go of a painful memories that were holding onto me and preventing me from moving forward. I was able to forgive people, and most importantly, I forgave myself.
Everything that I thought I had lost, God replaced with much, much better.
I became closer to a friend of mine, Jen, who is now a best friend to me. This is something I cherish because she understands me and she is so selfless when it comes to our friendship. God blessed me with her and I can’t wait to see what 2018 will be like with her by my side.
Going back to college was something that was a barrier for me, and something that addiction had stolen from me, and I wanted to get it back. I faced my barriers head-on and was constantly trying to change my perspective. Instead of giving up or becoming bitter, I looked at the situation with excitement to see how God would put all the pieces together and let it all work together for good.
Right at the end of this year, God blessed me with something I’ve never experienced before; love and safety from a Godly man (besides my
stepdad). After my heartache (and the many in my past), it was difficult for me to believe that my knight in shining armor existed. I was ok with that though. I became so in love with God, the calling in my life, my family, my friends, strangers – that I didn’t really care for a relationship with someone, it was far from a priority or even just a wish. I guess it really is true, when you least expect it, it happens. We started off as strangers, then became acquaintances, then friends, then best friends, and now lovers. I never thought that I would fall head over heels for my best friend. Wait, who am I kidding? I loved him from the start. He came into my life as a peaceful person, someone that I could confide in, even in the depths of shame and embarrassment. He taught me things that I never thought I could ever grasp and most importantly, he loves me because he knows how much God loves me. It’s still new, but this feeling of love, protection, and care that he gives me is something I hope to never lose. The best part is, we have a foundation of friendship and faith before anything. Eddie, you have my heart. <3
So shout out to 2017 for being a year of lessons, refinement, love, patience, friendship, and so much more. I can’t wait to see what God has in His plan for me in 2018.
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