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Too Mean?

Ever since I was younger, I always had a very strong pet peeve about people stating that I was mean or rude in any way. Growing up, I would always try to be very polite, always use my manners, and be hesitant about speaking upon subjects that might bring forth any kind of emotional response from me because I did not want to come off as mean. The thing most people don’t know is that the underlying reason I despise feeling like I am being mean is because internally, it makes me feel as if I am just like my brother. My brother has always had his fair share of issues, has always used violence to solve his issues and express himself, and has no problem being overly blunt and direct. He is also currently serving an 18-year bid for attempted murder. I wasn’t really able to use my voice growing up, and so when I started being able to voice my thoughts and opinions, it sometimes started coming off as standoffish. Unless I am being sarcastic, I am not intentionally trying to come across in that way. I feel like you could compare my speaking experience to a baby learning to walk for the first time. Since that child has never done it before, they don’t know how to do it.

I thought it was kind of funny that I got this card as my affirmation today because I’ve been struggling with my feelings of being perceived as mean or rude more the past few weeks than ever before. I guess in the end, it’s all about finding a balance and being able to learn to voice my thoughts, ideas, and opinions all while understanding that there’s a right way to say things. It’s all a new learning process and I can definitely feel some growing pains as I make some strides in my improvement. 🙂

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