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Food Issues.

It’s no huge secret to my friends or my grandmother that… I’m heavier and I don’t eat the best. But lately I’ve noticed there are days (2-3 at a time) where I will starve myself. Not necessarily out of spite, but because I legitimately either cannot stomach eating normally or do not feel hunger. I’ve also noticed that recently the foods I normally eat (carbs, mostly, so like spaghetti for instance) have begun to make me gag or actually make me physically sick.

I’ve spoken to a therapist about this and she thinks it’s because of my random moments of not eating, period. However it’s… Worrying. Because now it’s influencing my normal eating habits to the point where I can’t stomach it without feeling sick in some way. I see the doctor soon and I don’t look forward to explaining this to him as the last doctor I went to pointed out, “You’re over 200lbs, you don’t have an eating disorder.” Which, well, sent me home in tears.

Does anyone have any advice on food in general? Or know how to cope with these kinds of things? I’ve yet to find a group for it and… Like I said, I’m getting a little spooked by how my body is reacting these days.

3 Replies to “Food Issues.”

  1. egbumblebee says:

    Hey Faljak! I cannot believe your last doctor said that to you… how ignorant. You do NOT need to look a certain way to struggle with an eating disorder.
    It sounds like this is causing you a lot of anxiety, as someone who has struggled with disordered eating for most of my life I sympathize with the difficulty surrounding food, body image, and aversions to eating (whether it be intentional or subconscious). I’d like to tell you that these problems can get better, and I’m sorry that you have been having such a hard time finding some validation and help from your providers.
    What part of CT do you live in? Maybe I can help you find some treatment centers to call and get some information from.
    There are also support groups for eating disorders- I used to go to ABA meetings (anorexics bulimics anonymous) although if you feel like that might not be helpful you can check out NEDA (national eating disorder awareness) they have a website.
    As for avoiding food, do you have a couple of “go-to” foods that you know you can stomach? Even when your not feeling hungry? I find that when my stomach is bothering me, I drink a lot and that helps. I get in a ton of water, and something like a smoothie- so I at least know I’ve gotten some nutrients for the day.

  2. faljak says:

    Hey, egbumblebee! Thanks for replying, it means a lot!

    I live in Southington but have to travel a bunch for work, school and therapy. It’s preferred that I stick nearby Southington for resources! I just- I never even know where to start with this? I always put it on the back-burner because I don’t want to alarm anyone, least of all myself or my grandmother whose done her best to cope with what I tell her already.

    I know for a fact that I eat cereals. Or saltines? Sometimes I put peanut butter on some Ritz. A sandwich (lettuce, tomato, cheese, ham). I used to be able to take the heavier things like pastas, but even now those won’t even go down right.
    The days when I don’t eat it’s mainly: a cup of coffee in the morning, A LOT of water the rest of day and probably an insta-shake of some sort. I do know I can stomach smoothies, because I’m not actually “eating” it? I’m just drinking it and that doesn’t seem to trigger any adverse reaction. So if I feel daring I’ll cut some fruit and make one at home during my days off.

    I’ll have to check out that website, though.

  3. egbumblebee says:

    Hi! Sorry I’m just now responding! My notifications are being weird- does that ever happen to you?
    I totally understand not wanting to alarm your loved ones. It’s really hard to juggle your own personal feelings, and the guilt you may have about “burdening” your loved ones. I so struggle with that. It’s hard. But reminding myself I am NOT a burden, the people in my life love me and are here because they WANT to be (no matter what we tell ourselves when we are guilt-tripping ourselves nobody is chained to us. With very few exceptions, the people in our lives are here because they want to be.) I think your grandmother probably feels a lot better knowing you are open with her about your struggles than she would if she had to constantly ask you to tell her what was wrong, or if she was always wondering if you were ok. Chances are, she may see some of your issues, opening up and asking her for help would relieve some anxiety about wondering. And if she’s not seeing it yet, I’m sure she will be grateful that you are coming to her before and giving her the chance to support you.
    As for resources in your area- I’m not actually familiar with the peer groups and therapists in that area. When I’m at work tomorrow I am going to find out which Regional Mental Health Board serves your town and get one of their resource guides for you!! Also, you can go to our map page (sometimes the link can be hard to see- it’s not where our tabs are – it’s all the way at the top of the left corner- it says “map”) you can search for therapists, groups, and treatment centers(and more things) in your area!
    I’m so happy that you recognize that you need a little help with your eating.
    Also- I would try to get as much protein in as possible- peanut butter on crackers and sandwiches with deli meat are great- and as much smoothies as you can stomach! At least that way you know you’re getting some fruit protein powder and maybe even a veggie (carrots or beets go well in fruit smoothies and aren’t “gross”).

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