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My Day 4/12/16

First thing I heard this morning was someone throwing up in my bathroom. This really affected my anxiety, because I have OCD about cleanliness and germs. At home I don’t have control over my environment, so if the house is messy and unorganized I can’t do anything about it. Instead I have to keep my room at home unorganized so that I am less stressed about the mess around my house. But at school everything needs to be clean because I have control of my life here. I need everything to be clean, but when I wake up to someone throwing up it makes me really anxious and annoyed. today I had to get up at 7am and clean my bathroom.

The second thing I got to do today was deal with college loans. Loans are stressful, without having anxiety and depression, so having them makes it all so much worse. The reason I had to deal with loans unexpectedly was because I was behind on payments to my school, and I am scheduled to pick classes tomorrow at 8:30am. I would be unable to pick classes when my time arrived unless all my payments were in. Last year my registration day was the worst day I have ever had, and I had a panic attack to the point where I didn’t go to class for the next two days it was so intensely stressful. I had all of my classes picked out, but then none were open, the school I was at last year was huge! All my classes even second and third picks were taken. I never wanted to go through that again, so all I did was stress out about how this loan was not going to keep me from getting to them in time. The school was extremely helpful, and made sure everything was sorted out and I will be able to register tomorrow as planned.

The third thing that happened to me today day was that I came home and found my kitchen in a huge mess. As previously mentioned I have OCD. I feel dirty all over when my house is dirty, something which I just cleaned which made it all the more frustrating that it was already this gross again. So instead of writing a paper I needed to write for class I cleaned the whole kitchen. I also cleaned everything out of the dishwasher, and put it all away because once I start I can’t stop. After that I took everything from the sink, and put it in the dishwasher. It was now that I found that every piece of silverware we owned in the house was in the sink. It never occurred to anyone that they should wash any of it. Finally, once the entire kitchen has been purged, am I able to sit down. I just needed to write about my day, because sometimes it feels the world needs a few more OCD people to clean up for those who are not blessed with even just simple kitchen etiquette. I hope you have had a better day then mine went. Does anyone else have to deal with dirty roommate, whether they bother you because of OCD or just because it is gross? Anybody else want to open up they won’t know. I’m all ears!

Stay Safe <3

8 Replies to “My Day 4/12/16”

  1. Valerie says:

    Hey there!
    I also live with OCD, so when you discussed your situation, I could feel my own anxiety rising. At my apartment I live with someone who is barely home, so a lot of the time I feel like I am cleaning up for a bunch of people, but no one is around to help.
    I find myself up late cleaning for hours or like this past weekend, up at the crack of dawn and cleaning for 5 hours straight until I was forced to stop by my boyfriend.
    I hope you can talk to whoever is living with you and discuss how tough it is for you…you shouldn’t have to suffer because your roommate doesn’t do their part in picking up after themselves. OCD or not, it’s not something you should have to do for them.

    As for the school loans, I truly hope it goes smoothly for you, so you can look forward to classes next semester instead of dreading it.
    I hope your week is better! Keep your head up 🙂

  2. kellynicole says:

    Thanks Val!
    I’m sorry that your stuck cleaning all the time too. I totally understand your feeling for cleaning for 5 hours straight. My boyfriend has had to stop me many times because I need to keep cleaning because everything is gross. I feel like it is very hard when a person is obsessed with cleaning because nothing can ever be as clean as you want it to be. you become stuck in this endless cycle of cleaning because it will never be the way you want.
    when it comes to my roommates, I have talked to them and they disregard me because I am 2 years younger then them and they know that if they leave a mess long enough I will clean it because I cant just keep the house looking like it. today my house is so gross but i have class all day so I cant clean but tomorrow I have no class so they know that I will be cleaning it. it just sucks because i don’t want to leave in this endless cycle anymore. its not fair to me or you. people need to understand that if they make a mess they need to clean up after themselves.
    stay safe <3

  3. Kevin A. says:

    Its unfortunate that you have to clean up after others Kelly. I have roommates as well but they are generally clean.
    I don’t know too much about OCD, but I am hoping that your roommates are not just being messy because they know that you will fix it.

    College is already stressful enough for you to be doing more than you really should, but what are you studying in college?

  4. kellynicole says:

    hey Kevin
    i am a psychology major in college it is awesome i love it

  5. Valerie says:

    Which college are you going to, Kelly? I think it’s tough when roommates take advantage over OCD. I’ve been taunted before by friends and family about having it (my mom actually has it too and my family loves to make fun of her).
    Kevin, OCD sometimes feels like a life sentence in prison because it’s so difficult to handle life the way it is. Something always gets in the way, so it could be trying to get ready to leave the house and noticing something that needs to be done before completing any other task. I’ve had occasions where I have been so grossed out that I literally can’t function and it can get projected onto others…for example my boyfriend works nights in a grocery store and when he comes to visit me I force him to rewash his hands because I keep getting the “out of control” thoughts of him touching dirty money, bloody meat, keys, etc.
    I feel bad too because it shouldn’t be his responsibility to feed into my anxiety and I know I can drive him crazy with the little things I do to keep the OCD at bay.

    I’ve been practicing exposure therapy with the OCD and sometimes I feel like dying doing them, the OCD is slowly getting better.
    Have you tried doing exposures with your OCD Kelly? If yes, has it helped a bit?

  6. kellynicole says:

    valerie you described in such a perfect way!! I have never tried exposure therapy I may look into tough because I will try anything I am currently using cognitive behavior therapy to help stop my dermatillomania and it has help so much! i know what triggers is so i have learned how to realize i’m doing it and fine something else to do. OCD is hard to have and it is really hard when other people make fun or judge. for example i cant have my food touching and i know that my friends judge me every time i have to get different plates for food or wont eat something that touch other piece of food. knowing they are judging me is hard but i know that doing it makes me feel safer. and i go to college in RI but i live in CT

  7. Valerie says:

    Thank you so much for sharing! I’ve struggled with dermatillomania myself! Specifically my scalp…I’ve never shared that with anyone (but I guess I just made this public!)
    I know quite a few people who can’t have their food touch and I know how much crap people get from others.
    If you’re ever in the Middletown area, you should come to our young adult connection group. Many of us live with OCD and talk about exposures and support each other.
    I am glad to hear the CBT works for you!

  8. kellynicole says:

    I live in the middletown area i would love to come to one of your meetings!

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