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feeling left out

everyone feels left out… its a common thing to feel. while in college i have a group of about 9 really close friends… the closest 3 got a condo with my boyfriend that i didnt fit into. so now my boyfriend is living off campus with my 3 close friends and one of the parents doesnt want me around because… honestly i dont know why she doesnt want me around its not like a couple isnt living there. she just doesnt like me for some reason. so not only am i left out of housing now this parent doesnt want me around the condo at all. my boyfriend of 4 years is living there and she doesnt want me there. who does she think she is telling my friend that. because this is just ridiculous.
also as i talked about last week i got a hamster (yayyyy) but now the kid whos mother hates me doesnt want it living in their condo… and it isnt allowed in my dorm without a special note and it is super hard to get this note. because last year my housing person told me i got a single because i already had one and my mental illness is not severe enough… i am sorry but who are the housing department to tell me how severe my mental illnesses are. i can not sleep without my house being clean… and if i have to much going on my life just shuts down. i cant leave with other people in my room because i wake up in the most random times having a panic attack. i cant get out of bed in the morning. my depression is eating me alive and the only thing making me better is my hamster but i highly doubt that my school is going to see it that way. they are just going to think i am a normal student trying to get special things by lying. i am not going to say people dont that but that isnt what people do but that is not what i am doing. i just need something to help me get out of bed and this helps but i dont think they will believe me. so theres to hoping i guess…if anyone has advice let me know… thanks for all the support you give me.


10 Replies to “feeling left out”

  1. Valerie says:

    Hi Kelly!

    Looks like you have a lot going on…even more since we last spoke.
    I’m sorry to hear that you are having a difficult time, especially with the condo. Not everyone is accepting and I understand how hurtful it feels to be excluded. I’m not sure why she wouldn’t want you there, but you have to remember that it has everything to do with her and nothing to do with you. I hope your boyfriend will be able to see that and spend time with you separately from the condo, so you don’t have to worry about it.

    As for the hamster, I think the best route to take is to talk to your therapist and/or doctor to write a note as to why you need this pet for therapeutic reasons. It is important to stick up for your wants and needs, especially when it comes to functioning in a school environment. They might say no to the hamster, but they may approve another animal (just ask).
    Do you have a 504 plan or IEP? If you do, try to see if you can have it written on those documents to say it is necessary for you to have a pet and a single dorm. It is unlawful if they do not follow your specialized plan.

    I send my best and I hope you feel a little bit better.
    Best Regards,
    Val

  2. RaiC says:

    Ugh, so sorry to hear that Kelly.. but Val is absolutely right! It has nothing to do with you. Not everyone will gravitate towards you or like the things you do but there opinions and judgments def don’t validate you or your existence so try not to let it get to you. The whole mom not liking who her son is dating is unfortunately really common and she’ll just have to get over it or accept the fact that you are in a relationship with her son and not her. Don’t let it get you down. She won’t be around the condo all the time so I’m sure you can find ways to make visiting work. I really commend you for being so respectful as well… you’re obviously the bigger person and that is amazing.

    I agree with you! Who do they think they are telling you that what you deal with on a daily isn’t severe enough! They aren’t going through your experiences and enduring half of what you go through so that’s def not acceptable. At the end of the day, I always thought that if you’re paying the extra money for the single… it wouldn’t be a problem. Money always talks smh. Def look into the 504 plan or IEP as Val mentioned, that should def help out! Good luck and stay strong. Thanks for sharing.

  3. kellynicole says:

    Rai it isnt my boyfriends mom… its my boyfriends friends mom not liking me which is much worse because she doesnt even know me. i have the single i just really hope my hamster can live there with me he makes me so much happier then when im not with him. i dont want him living at my boyfriends i want him to live with me in my room because he is mine.

  4. RaiC says:

    Hey Courtney,

    Thanks so much for sharing! I’m really sorry that you’re dealing with this. I def have been there with feeling left out. It doesn’t feel good and I hope that you won’t let this effect the way that you think about yourself. With or without an invite, you’re awesome! It’s so easy to take things personally when people do things to us that we typically wouldn’t do to them because we are human. It’s natural and the way that you feel is completely normal. I’m sure your friends did not mean to hurt you or to purposely make you feel left out so maybe you should reach out again and see what’s up.

    Sometimes things don’t work out and with good reason. Sometimes people have our best interest at heart or could have easily just have forgotten to extend the invite. I know my friends are usually good about hearing my opinions on things so I think reaching out and mentioning it again wouldn’t be a big deal.

    When I get excluded, I try to not think of it too much and keep myself busy doing something else. I don’t let is justify my self worth and my importance bc at the end of the day, that event or that party will end & I’ll still be me ya know. There is no party without me as far as I’m concerned. Try not to let this situation define you… they’ll be plenty of events to attend. If not, have your own and make sure to invite me 🙂

    Feeling like you want to disappear and leave everything behind really makes me sad. Did you want to move away somewhere and start fresh. make new friends in a new city? Sometimes our struggles push us down and force us to want to run away but trust and believe me that each and every one of my struggles have only made me stronger and much more wiser. I’ve wanted to get away so many times but I’ve faced things head on and it’s helped me to become the person that I am today. If you need someone to talk to and right now you’re friends aren’t enough, there’s a Warmline that I totally recommend. Call 1-855-6-HopeNow to speak to a young adult who I’m sure knows how you feel. In the meantime, the forum is open and I’ll be waiting to hear from you.

  5. Smacm says:

    Oh Courtney, I’m so sorry to hear that. No matter how old you are I think this is so real. I have felt that way as well and kept dwelling on it. Sometimes we think we may know what others are thinking or their motives only to find out later, it wasn’t anything about us. You are important, don’t forget that, I know it’s hard, hang in there, do something good for yourself and surround yourself with people that are safe right now. I hear you, hugs to you.

    Sarah

  6. Allikat says:

    Hi Courtney!

    I struggle with feeling “left out” too! I hear what you are saying about how you take it personal. I often have the same thoughts run through my mind. So I started to develop healthy coping mechanisms. One way is by keeping myself occupied doing something that makes me happy. Another thing I do is focus on who DOESN’T make me feel left out. So maybe you can think of ways to do things with people who do make you feel included. I can promise you that there is nothing “wrong” with you!

    I noticed that you mentioned how you feel hurt, betrayed, and unloved. What are people, places, and things that make you feel happy, included, and loved? Try to focus on those things and ways that you can make yourself feel like that independently. That helps me a lot when I am not included in family and friend gatherings, even when they tell me they purposely didn’t invite me.

    When you say “disappear and leave everything behind”, can you help me understand what you meant by that? I often feel like “escaping” and when I feel like that, I try to “escape” to healthy thoughts, places, and people.

    I hope that you discover your self worth and I’m here to offer support! Maybe we can think of ways together to help us “escape” in a healthy way?

    Overall, remember that you are important and you certainly didn’t do anything wrong! I’m glad that you posted this because you have helped me feel like I’m not alone in feeling left out!

  7. Courtney says:

    Hi, everybody.

    Thank you so much for your responses. I do want to clarify that when I said this situation made me feel like I want to disappear, I meant I don’t want to be myself. I don’t want to feel these feelings. I also want to say that I did reach out to my friend and the response was not what I expected. This is a long standing issue, probably more to do with how I feel about myself. I realized over the last few days that I really am going to be conscious about really only having positive people in my life, no matter how long someone has been there. Relationships change, people change, life changes.

    My sponsor reminded me to not allow other peoples actions define my self worth. Easier said than done.

    Again, I appreciate everyone’s responses. You are all wonderful!

  8. Terri6902 says:

    what’s worse is when you still feel left out when you’re with other people. my best friend has many many friends, i guess you could call her “popular”. she found another best friends within the year and they have been hanging out so much, i feel exculded.

  9. Allikat says:

    I hate the feeling of being left out. That feeling is one of many that made my addiction to drugs escalade because it caused so much anxiety. When I would get high, I wouldn’t feel like I was left out because I was more confident in being social.

    Now-a-days, being sober, I’ve had to learn new tools to help me when I’m feeling left out. Often, I use isolation but in a healthy way. I also try to have a “safety plan” that my counselor helped me with. Before I go somewhere, I plan “safe places, people, and things” to get involved with so that I can feel better, as quick as possible, which has been A HUGE HELP!

  10. RaiC says:

    ohhh your boyfriends’ friends mom! I see… well you cant be responsible for the way that people judge others. It’s not your responsibility to change their thinking about you when they never had the opportunity to know you or care to find out. Some people are just so boxed in and dont give people chances to make an impression. I hope everything is well!


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