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Have you ever had a friend or peer die by suicide? What was that experience like for you? I have had a friend die by suicide this past year and it was a very new experience for me. At first, I felt numb as it was just difficult news to digest because my friend was young and extremely bright and to my knowledge, was on her way to getting help that very week. After the shock died down a bit, I talked to close friends who knew her. I felt grateful to be able to have people to talk to about her. I felt sad for quite a while and still struggle a lot with my faith when it comes to things like this. How do you all get through loss like this? What does grieving look like for you?
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I haven’t had anyone die by suicide that I know, but I’ve had people to threaten suicide. It is very difficult. Especially when they use suicide as trying to manipulate me…. Saying that if I don’t stay with them then they will kill themselves. It is a very hard situation to be in. I know that it is not my fault if they end up harming themselves, but I also want to do everything I can to help them so that they don’t harm themselves. I think it’s most important to take care of my safety first, though.
That can be really challenging, too. It is not fair to take the blame if someone is in that kind of deep pain. Often people don’t understand why they are in that kind of pain so they may try to find someone to blame or some situation to blame. Also, you don’t need to carry guilt if a friend has hurt themselves or attempted or completed suicide. Sometimes we do the best we can to help people, and it isn’t enough.
I agree if you are in a situation like this- it’s really important to take care of yourself and prioritize your safety. If someone is threatening to harm others or themselves, I would encourage you to call 911 or 211– Emergency Mobile Psychiatric Services.
Check out our website for more information and resources http://www.theim-possibleproject.org
I didn’t have a friend die by suicide, but someone close to me died when I was younger. I still grieve about it today. It is so hard. Especially on his birthday or anniversaries of his death. I can’t tell anyone how they can get through a loss like this. It is the hardest thing I have ever done. But knowing that there were people around me who care about me always helped. And even though I am still not over it, the pain has lessened over time. It all takes time.
Yes, my brother died by suicide. It was so difficult. I miss him every day. I am still grieving. I don’t know when the grieving will end, but I wish someone would tell me. Hopefully it will lessen in time, as Sunshine said.
Maria, it sounds like you’re going through a really tough time right now. I had a cousin die from suicide years back. It was really painful when it happened, but like Sunshine said, the pain really does lessen in time. Grieving is a process- albeit a long one- that you can’t control. We have to allow the grieving process to just occur and accept it for what it is. There is no use trying to rush the grieving. I tried that. It doesn’t help. Just sitting with my grief and trying to understand my grief is the most helpful thing that I’ve found.
I have a very close friend who has attempted suicide. Although he was found and treated before dying, I worry about him trying again constantly. Although I’ve also struggled during difficult times, it’s very hard for me to understand what would make my friend want to end his life. I can’t imagine life without him.
Maria1234, I am so sorry. That must be really challenging.
Suicide is such a challenging topic. I have had a cousin attempt. I avoid trying o attempt to understand why it is that he felt that much pain, rather I try to be there for him in any way that I can. I try to treat him as “normal” as possible. I don’t want him to feel even more isolated by a previous attempt.
A lot of people who attempt suicide seem to struggle with mental health and/or substance abuse. I know that I can’t singlehandedly change someone’s mind about their own life–but I try to make myself available to be a listening to ear to those who are struggling. I also need to know my limits and know when a professional is best fit for the job.
I really appreciate what mmariani41 said. I think it is really difficult to completely understand what a suicidal friend, acquaintance or family member is truly feeling. I agree that the best thing you can do is not to dance around the topic. It may be overkill to constantly as the person if he or she is suicidal, but I think being there for him or her and letting them know they can talk to you is important. Like many people who have responded, I have not had a friend or family member die by suicide, but I know a number of people who have survived the suicide (or attempted suicide) of friends and family members. From what I’ve seen in them, that grief never goes away, and I don’t think it’s supposed to. I do think that with time, it is easier to cope with that grief, though.
My cousin attempt suicide, she was 19 years old full of life had lot of dream, when i met her last we had talk all about that she want be a star and want travel lot and then after few months one i heard she attempt suicide no one knows really why but heard that she was in love with a guy and he cheated on her and because she was teen couldnt handle, she killed herself. I miss her lot and think about her. I go through lots of question why she didnt ask me for help from me or from anyone else.i wish she was here.
Thoughts of suicide and/ or knowing someone who committed suicide has become all too common for a lot of us. While some people may want to always reach out to whoever is struggling and if we are the ones struggling, we want to reach out to family and friends first for the most part, there is a point in which us non professionals have to step back and know when to contact the “right” people to talk to, so I completely agree crang2015.
There’s a new story posted and I thought it was amazing. Check out Maddy’s story on her fight against depression and suicidal ideation. If it weren’t for someone taking that step and reaching out to a professional or someone who can properly assess a scary situation, who knows if this story would be the same. I’m so happy and proud of her for sharing, this is certainly something that I can relate to. I see alarming things on the internet all the time, and I am finally recognizing that I need to start looking to people who can help. These situations can spiral out of control really quickly and I know that I want to be able to help prevent self harm as early as possible.
Maddy is a true hero and became accepting of the fact that she did need help. She was overwhelmed with school work and was looking for attention. Looking for attention in a town that only cared about good grades and college, never mind how you felt about anything else.
Here’s her story: https://turningpointct.org/story/maddy-o/
Not sure if any of you have heard, but an African American man, Kalief Browder, committed suicide a few days ago after 3 unlawful, hard years in Rikers. He was 16 when he was arrested and imprisoned on suspicion of stealing a backpack, never pleaded guilty and was never convicted. He maintained his innocence and requested a trial, but was only offered plea deals while the trial was repeatedly delayed. He was finally released after the case was dismissed… he wasted a huge part of his young adulthood in jail, all for nothing.
It really saddened to me to read his story and to hear these news. He fought so hard to get out of the prison and I really admired his strength and perseverance.
In an article, Kalief says “I tried to resort to telling the correction officers that I wanted to see a psychiatrist or counselor, something. I was telling them I needed mental help because I wasn’t feeling right. All the stress from my case, everything was just getting to me and I just couldn’t take it, and I just needed somebody to talk to. I needed to just — I just needed to be — I just needed to talk and to be stress-free.”
He needed help, asked for it and no one gave it to him. I just hope that this shines more light on our system and continues to break down the issues prisons have with providing necessary care and assessments to inmates but also between minorities and the government.
He was a brave man and I wish that I had the opportunity to speak to him. I just wanted him to know that he isn’t alone and that so many people are still fighting for him.
Here is the link to the article : http://www.democracynow.org/2015/6/8/traumatized_by_3_years_at_rikers
If youre struggling with or know someone struggling with the thoughts of suicide, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
1-800-273-8255 or ask for help.
Prayers up and sending all my love to his family, friends, and supporters.
Vee, I read about his suicide. Truly heartbreaking and a total miscarriage of justice through the criminal justice system.
I thought this video / article about growing up a black man in racially charged America is pretty relevant. http://www.nytimes.com/2015/05/07/opinion/a-conversation-about-growing-up-black.html