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“I speak nothing because the words I say don’t mean anything to anyone maybe some one or people I see nothing because I’m not allowed to see nothing or show any emotion physical or mentally, I can’t speak how I feel. I can’t vent what’s on my mind. I can’t go to see no one. All I am allowed to do is sit at home and see my kitchen bed floor bathroom. my friends are not allowed to come over and see me they can only speak through silence behind a screen but cannot see me on video while my bf is here nor be on my phone to speak. I handle what I need to handle by obeying and shutting up cause if I ask why I get lecture or hit if I see something wrong and say the truth when he don’t like it. I am who I am and I try to be and work on finding myself hopefully getting my child back and seeking my son away from his abusive father to make my child happy.” -Anonymous

One Reply to “RAW”

  1. katerina says:

    1. Walking on eggshells strips away one’s sense of freedom since they have to plan ahead how each singular move may or may not affect the abuser.  
    2. Having feelings and opinions validated is something I expect to be a part of the relationship’s foundation.  Isn’t this what a relationship is all about; to not only hear, but really listen and unconditionally validate each other’s value?  I say this now because I learned by appeasing to the abuser and accepting that I was not seen as valuable.
    3. Ah, trust.  We all want it, but struggle giving it.  I have learned in my experience that the distrustful person without rational reason is most likely dealing with their own demons, and are, unfortunately, taking it out on another person.
    4. While the abuser is usually someone who had been hurt, and is taking this out on another, it is no wonder they can’t discuss problems in the relationship.  I learned from an experience that this guy was so hurt on the inside that he was hurting me just so he wouldn’t have to hurt alone.  I start to think he thought this way in attempts to avoid feeling painful emotions.  Though we were both hurting, the pain of loneliness was not as bad.  When you’re not alone, you can look at someone else instead of yourself.  That’s exactly what happened.
    5. Feeling stuck or confused is a feeling I know all too well.  I have learned that there is a wide spectrum of these emotions; to feel this way for a moment is not comfortable; but, imagine how more severely uncomfortable it is when your life, over time, becomes a life of being stuck for confusing, irrational reasons you cannot understand nor control.  If you or someone you know are feeling this way in a relationship, get away!  Stick Up For Yourself.  It’s Not Over.  

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