Hey guys! It’s 2019!
Pretty cool, kinda.

Some people seem to really care about New Years, it signifies a time to reflect and commit to change. Other people think it’s BS. And some don’t really care too much!

However you feel about New Years, it’s always good to reflect on time that’s passed and recognize strides that you have made.
My favorite quote when I was in the midst of a lot of struggles was,

“I may not be where I want to be but thank God I’m not where I used to be”

We don’t have to leap from ditches to mountain tops to recognize our power and strength. And sometimes it’s not even steps that deserve recognition, sometimes it’s staying right where you are, because it can be really hard to not fall backward, and good enough is good enough.

This New Years Eve, I laid in bed next to Willow while she slept and realized the changes that occurred over the past year. I thought about the pain, fear, and excitement I felt, and how hopeless I was at times. I realized how far I have come by looking back for a few moments. And it felt good, and it made me feel proud of myself. And I didn’t feel bad saying that.

So, what are you guys proud of from 2018?

I’m proud of myself for starting school, taking the leap to “real” employment and beginning the process of getting off of disability and SSI, moving, admitting to myself and a few friends that I was depressed, sticking with my path even when it was scary and painful and uncertain, trying every day to be a good mom, working hard, getting certified as a SMART recovery facilitator, Recovery Coach, and a Recovery Support Specialist, starting the path to getting my licence, and beginning to throw away things that I don’t need.

Let’s congratulate each other on our success in being here, even when it’s really hard work.

Watch Luca, Ally, Chelsea, and Eliza talk about Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) after seeing the film Borderline.

Watch the video & other shared videos: https://turningpointct.org/category/media/videos/

Join the conversation about it here: https://turningpointct.org/lets-talk/topic/new-video-talking-about-borderline-personality-disorder/

Follow Eliza’s blog about her experience with living with a mental health disorder as a young mom: https://turningpointct.org/lets-talk/forum/blog-well-willow/

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What are you proud of yourself for today?

Its so easy to go to bed every night thinking of what you did wrong, or what you wish you did better or different. Things you wished never happened. I think we’ve all been there. Up for hours thinking and thinking. Guilty, angry, depressed, anxious. Sometimes these feelings help us make change. But a lot of the time they just hurt us.

So, what are you proud of yourself for today?

Today I’m proud of myself for being a mom. I might feel guilty a lot about being a mom… working, losing my temper, not taking advantage of every moment the way I feel like I should. But I know that I’m a good mom. I know my daughter loves me, and that I love her. Being a mom is scary and hard and exhausting and it never ends. And every day I wake up and do the best I can. I don’t act selfishly just because it’s easier. I don’t run away from my responsibilities. I try to do better all the time and I will never leave her side. So I’m proud of myself for that. I proud of myself for stepping up, being selfless, and pushing aside my wants for her sake.

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I’ve always wanted to impress a good crowd but I’ve come to realize my own dread of public speaking. Standing before a crowd has never been easy… but getting the speech done, reading it a few times may help for a starter. Still, so much can go wrong should I finally approach an audience.

Recently I’ve been taking a public speaking class. It took me some time, but I am beginning to understand the real dread of public speaking. When the teacher said that public speaking is ‘the number one fear in America’, I took it for granted. Having done a few speeches before, I’m sitting there thinking, “It can’t be that bad”. But until I was called to stand before the class – that’s where the fear kicked in.

Point blank, I couldn’t understand that fear. I couldn’t understand what was so hard about standing before a small class, of about 25 people, just to tell them how I had spent my summer. Was it the speech itself? Was it because I didn’t really think much about my summer? Or was it the new faces? …Hardly recognizing the feedback that I was getting. Or was it the feeling of being judged?… the teacher seated to my right, scribbling on a piece of paper. Whatever it was. It was a catch and I was doomed. I had just flunked my first serious impromptu speech and I have nothing to make up for it.

In my mind, that’s exactly what happened. It felt really bad. But maybe I shouldn’t have.

After all, it was our first speech. And surprisingly, I didn’t do that bad. There were two realities at play here: what I felt and what my classmates actually saw. To be frank, I felt as though my feet were falling apart. I was extremely nervous. But instead, someone in the class actually thought I did well and the teacher agreed.

But what was I so afraid of? Could it be, putting myself on display, for a round of laughter? The truth is, no one wants to seem ridiculous especially in public and for me, that’s where this fear all started.

I’ve always loved public speaking and I’ve always thought that a good speech could be the hallmark of my career. In every way possible, I want to make sure that if nothing else, I can give a good speech. I don’t want to think that five years later, the only thing that is holding me back, is the fear of speaking in public. I can’t let that happen.

One thing, among many other things, that I took from that class is that the fear of public speaking is not something to take for granted. Its deadly!
Mark Twain said, “It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.” That’s the reality and maybe that’s the real challenge, PREPARATION, if you really want to be good at public speaking. Usually, if I am asked to speak about something, it’s something that I know or should know about and can mask really well. Else, I wouldn’t put myself in the situation of talking about something that I am entirely ignorant about. Preparing yourself to deliver that ‘something’ (a topic, you name it) is crucial. I was the only one aware of the fear and nervousness that I experienced through my speech, everyone else saw my strengths. It’s hard to believe, but its true. In fact, sometimes the nervousness is what brings your strength to fruition. And maybe there is really nothing to fear but fear itself – Franklin D. Roosevelt.