Our Stories

Monique’s Poetic Battle With Anxiety

What have you struggled with? When did it become too much?

I’ve always struggled with anxiety/nerves since childhood and always just brushed it off and thought of it as a weakness. Coming from a Caribbean background, things like this are easily brushed off, considered a weakness, or even something they think you will “grow out of”. My sophomore year of college, i started my self love journey and my anxiety was at its lowest and controllable. But once my senior year crept around the corner, thoughts about my career path, life after college, intense courses, family issues and financial stability became too overbearing. My anxiety was at its all time high, and depression randomly smacked me in the face all at once and the feeling was new to me. Both the anxiety and depression began to control me and my emotions. I found my self having mental breakdowns at home, at school, in class so i would have to rush to the bathroom. It really got out of control and took a tole on me because I would have these mental breakdowns in the bathroom and go back to class/work as if nothing happened. I would mask those emotions with a smile and laughter (basically delirious behavior) because a happy person can’t be depressed, right? No one knew, or even had a clue.

What kind of support did you get at first? Did it work?

i started going to counseling and it did make me feel better to have someone to speak to. I went to therapy once a week and started writing poetry a lot more.

Were there any turning points where things really started to change for the better?

i began writing poems in the midst of a mental breakdown and started having journals with me EVERYWHERE I went. I would read the poem maybe the day after and my own words began to touch my soul.

What’s your life like now? What have you been able to accomplish, and what are you working towards?

I graduate in May so that’s exciting! I still struggle with my anxiety and have really low days, but I just write it out and remind myself that nothing bad last forever. These experiences inspired me to be more open towards mental health and possibly leaning more about the subject to help others struggling with the same problem.

What would you say to people who are having a tough time? What’s helped you that you wish you had known earlier

” remain positive, strong and persevere” was a mantra I created going into my senior year and repeating that in tough times really helped me get through long nights. I would also ALWAYS recommend writing or doing something to release the inner turmoil. In most cases we try to ignore these unfamiliar feelings but we must EXPRESS our self’s! Keep loving you!