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Have you ever had a situation at work or school when you feel like someone just didn’t like you? You may even feel targeted a bit by this person or singled out. How do you cope with this? If it affects your self-esteem, how do you manage your self-esteem?
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I have been in such situations at school where your fellow students are targeting other students and I myself a victim of such circumstances. When it’s personal, sometimes it’s best to ignore it. If it’s something that affects you in a deep way it can be helpful to vent it out to someone or your journal instead of responding directly to that person, especially if it will stop you from confronting them physically. It helps to get a different perspective on what your initial reaction might have been. You can try to tell an adult or other authority figure about how you or someone else were target, but in my experience they have often ignored that or played it off as typical teenage behavior. Does anyone have any ideas about what to do after that happens? Because after months of ignoring the situation or trying to talk to someone who you think will help, the situation has the potential to boil over.
Something I’ve started doing to cope with stress of this is going for runs (when it’s warm!) and exercising in general. Sometimes even a really good book or movie helps. These things can help distract you from engaging in toxic situations or getting out any extra energy or hostility that you have.
sometimes when somebody doesn’t seem to like me, i try to do something nice for them. this helps reduce the negativity in my head towards them, and usually will result in either them liking me equally as before or them liking me slightly more than before. it almost never backfires, if it is something truly nice, and not something obsequious. but the most important thing is for me to understand that my self-worth is not based on what other people think. there will always be people who don’t like me, but as long as i’m doing the next right thing, it is okay.
I agree with Nashira that exercise can help alleviate a lot of stress and hostility. I would say that talking to a teacher of adult that you feel close with is a good first step. If it gets to the point of bullying at school, then it is important to tell someone not only for your own safety but for others’ safety as well. There are a lot of really great websites about bullying out there: http://www.stopbullying.gov
Yep. Unfortunately this situation has presented itself in my life. I was bullied in elementary school by some of the other kids at my school. I definitely felt like they were picking on me all the time and singling me out. I didn’t deal with it properly at the time, and it took me a long time to feel secure enough about myself. What helped me get through it was talking to a therapist and some close friends about the past and how it still made me feel.
I tend to think that people don’t like me even when they might like me or have no opinion about me. I tend to assume the worst in what people say. It is a character flaw that I am working on. It is tough when I think someone doesn’t like me, whether or not my beliefs are true or not. Sometimes just talking to someone about what I’m feeling can help me relieve some of the stress.
I like Nashira’s suggestion: “Something I’ve started doing to cope with stress of this is going for runs (when it’s warm!) and exercising in general. Sometimes even a really good book or movie helps. These things can help distract you from engaging in toxic situations or getting out any extra energy or hostility that you have.” It’s definitely a great idea to distract oneself when difficult things arise! Getting away from the negative situation or the person who doesn’t like you can definitely be helpful.
I remember one job I had waiting tables while I was in high school. It was at a pizza restaurant, and I smelled like pizza all the time! Anyways, the boss there really had it out for me for some reason. She was older than me and from a different background. I felt like she was picking on me all the time, pointing out all of my mistakes. It was extremely frustrating, because not only would she constantly criticize me, but she would also do it in front of lots of the other staff. It was sort of public shaming. Honestly, I was really trying my best to do a good job. I think that perhaps she was just taking out on me some of her own insecurities about herself. From my experience, that tends to be the root of most unjust negativity. It never ended up boiling over, as Nashira brought up. It just kept going on and on and on. I eventually decided that the negativity was taking too much of a toll on my mental well-being, so I decided to resign from that job and find another. The best thing I did for myself through that whole situation was to not retaliate on my boss with anger. Because that would have barred my options for finding new jobs in the future, had I deliberately angered her or the other managers. I don’t regret leaving, and the whole experience has made me a stronger person.
I think Samdc is right on the money– unjust negativity is often about insecurities and I try to remember that and to not take things personally when someone doesn’t like me
I’ve experienced this several times in work situations. Sometimes I just need to do what I need to do and not expect to be best friends with everyone I work with. The reality is that not everyone is going to love you—and if I can accept that, I can be myself and be happy in whatever situation I am in.