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I have been friends with the same people for pretty much all of my life. I met two of my best friends in first grade, when I moved to a new elementary school. The next one I met in second grade when she moved to our school. I’ve always been friends with them, but I’m getting to a point where I’ve outgrown them. We are very different people and it has been a huge adjustment for me in recent months as our differences have become more apparent. I am becoming increasingly more excited about leaving for college so that I can find new friends who are the right friends for me.
Not fitting in with my friends has definitely been a struggle for me as we have different clothing styles, music tastes, taste in guys, levels of maturity/independence, everything, so I am extremely curious to see how my friendships with them will grow and change as we embark on our new journey to college at the end of summer.
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I have the exact situation Chloe! I literally grew up with all of my friends but it wasn’t until we graduated high school did I really see a change in our dynamics. I was always trying to find how I fit in… I wanted more of a reason, rather than just the typical.. “oh we’ve known each other forever” type explanation. At the end of the day, I realized that I was the one trying so hard to keep the friendships together so when I went on to college out of the city, I saw a lot of change. I think I grew up and began to understand that relationships and friendships really have to work both ways in order for them to truly last. No matter how different one person is shouldn’t matter because if its genuine, it will work out for the best. Some of my friends I still see and hang out with, others we have simply outgrown one another. When I went off and no one really reached out for me, I guess I just found my own way. I met new friends who were more aligned with what I saw myself doing and being in life.
Although I do miss some of the friends I did have, I know that I have some very special friends now that have truly filled that gap in life.
What an awesome post Rai. I am dealing with this right now too. I recently moved about 40 minutes away from where I grew up from. I have had a gorup of friends I hung out with for over 10 years. they were the people who understood me and made me feel welcome. Over the last few years, as I progressed in my recovery and fought past barriers, most of my friends stayed stuck in their old ways of behaving and interacting.
I found myself always being the one to initiate “hanging out” or doing something. Not to mention I was the only one with a license, so It was on my terms to transport them. They were not knowingly taking advantage of me or asking for anything, but I found myself increasingly bothered by their lack of motivation or responsibility.
It was at moments right after I had those thoughts, that I would feel guilty or upset at myself. ‘I didn’t have anyone else to hang out with”, or “What about your faults Michael?” Right now, I am focusing my energy on myself and those that flow naturally to me, while making sure I don’t become a hermit and stay recluse.
Im so glad that you get it! It’s so hard to really just move on and find new friends, and even harder to realize that we actually do need to walk away from some of our friendships for those very reasons (staying stuck in old ways).
I couldn’t imagine being the first to have a license, Im sure that would have changed the game completely. In fact, some of those friendships that I’ve held on to would have ended a lot sooner if I were transporting them bc I know for sure I would be fed up sooner than later. I know they wouldn’t take advantage of me either but some how, I would have used that as the reason why I started to separate from them.. it may have been a lot easier for me if I had that as an excuse actually lol. Perhaps those same people wouldn’t call me “fake” or “Hollywood”.
Im happy that you are focusing on yourself and on things that flow naturally Michael. It takes way too much work to try and hold on to things and/or complicated people. Im just a phone call way if anything 🙂 Im working on the same things and I have actually found a lot of comfort in hanging with myself more often.
I actually have a really difficult time maintaining close friendships, I even keep my closest friends now at a distance and I’ve known them each for less than three years, so when I see friendships that I have lasted since a young age, it’s strange to me. This is probably because I moved around so much in high school, I would get close to people then have to move elsewhere even as fast as less than a month. I didn’t realize how much my scattered and inconsistent social life affected the way I view friendships and how much I’m able to relate to people.
I get where you are coming from Amily. Letting people in and maintaining those relationships can be really hard. I look at certain people like my sister who has had the same group of friends since they were in high school and they are still really close. You know that doesn’t happen for everyone. For me as I changed so did my friend group. That doesn’t make me better or worse than my sister, just different.
Interesting topic, enjoyed reading all your posts.
I lost my childhood friends when I moved to another town, I lost my middle school friends when I moved to high school, I lost my high school friends when I graduated and I also lost some very close friends when I moved from Jamaica.
When am I ever going to settle down?