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Have any of you ever experienced feeling hurt by someone and never having the opportunity to:
A: Confront the person about it
B: Get an apology
C: Talk things through to reach a mutual ground about the situation even if no one apologizes
What have been your experiences, and how do you feel about them now?
In my personal experiences, I can definitely say that I have been hurt by people who have caused me a great deal of harm, physically, emotionally, etc., and most of them I NEVER got the opportunity to talk to or get an apology from. On the same note though, as more time passes and I learn more about certain people, certain situations, etc, I come to realize that there are some individuals that don’t even have the slightest idea of the harm they have caused you or anyone else. Others may be living their life freely, in peace, rejoicing in every moment and I could be suffering inside. So instead, I made the choice to push all of those painful experiences I’ve had to go through and use them to help other people realize they don’t have to get stuck. It makes no sense to drink poison yourself and expect another person to die. If I would’ve continued to hate those whose caused me harm, I would’ve been poisoning myself and what good would that have done if it effects no one else but me? For me, it was about making a personal choice to be stronger than all of my experiences and realize that there were certain things that I was never going to get. I may never get certain things back, I may never hear I’m sorry for certain behaviors or explanations for heinous actions. But today, that’s okay because I’m okay.
What about for you?
I really relate to this. When I was 21 years old I was in a relationship with a girl I’ve been friends with for about a year and we finally took it to the next level. She was my best friend and I loved her very much I remember getting out of work at like 10:00 at night and going to spend time with her. We always had a great time where ever we were we went. She was the first girl I ever had true feelings for. I know I was young but I honestly thought she was the one. Everything was going great for about 8 months but then she started asking me for money for different reasons I don’t remember. It started with small amounts like twenty dollars then It became like 80 dollars at every week or so. It was getting really bad and I didn’t know what she was really using the money for. Eventually I confronted her about and told her I can’t give her anymore money. We then got into a huge argument and she told me she didn’t want to see me anymore. So at that point I knew she never cared about me she just wanted money from me. I was devastated but it felt great that I finally stood up for myself. It felt like a weight went off my shoulders because I didn’t have to hand her ridiculous amounts of money. Although I put an end to it, I wasn’t the same after we broke up. I was seeing other girls but I wasn’t as romantic and didn’t really treat girls with respect anymore. I figured why should I give them respect if I don’t get any respect back. I now realize that this isn’t true. There are nice girl’s out there. you just need to look hard. This goes for you ladies to. There are nice guys out there who will love you and treat you with dignity. I am now going to therapy to help me from that experience and I am doing a lot better now. I just need to stay positive and hope that one day I will find the right person and you all should to, because the right person is out there, you just need to keep looking.
Hi Luz and Carl,
Thanks for sharing part of your experiences. For me, there are definitely a few experiences where I never got an apology. What you said about forgiveness and poison is so true Luz. You really do give away your power when you hold on to things.
I think I do have an issue letting go – I need to work on some of the deeper meanings to that, but I have made progress. What I find helps me is reminding myself that there were people who upset me, but also moments that I regret what I said or did to someone. It helps keep me in check when I feel the “victim” feeling happening.
TurningPointCT.org was developed by young people in Connecticut who are in recovery from mental health and substance use issues. We know what it’s like to feel alone, stressed, worried, sad, and angry. We’ve lived through the ups and downs of self-harm, drugs and alcohol, and the struggle to find help.
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