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Reacting to Liam Payne’s Death

This week after I got out of therapy, I saw a news notification on my phone that said Liam Payne had died. It was so unexpected that I quite literally thought it was a hoax or some spam clickbait thing. However, I quickly learned that he actually did die. Not only did he die, but it was in a tragic way and he was only 31.

I’m someone who has always really loved music. It’s been such an important thing in my life…truly a constant and something that has really helped me. Sometimes, it really has saved my life. So naturally, I form a pretty emotional connection to music and the artists.

One Direction was one of those bands that I clung to. I loved the music, the vocals, the lyrics, the members…I loved all of it. I remember a short clip of a song was leaked on to Tumblr and I listened to it over and over and over on repeat. I also used to pre-order their albums on iTunes so they would automatically upload on to my phone when they were released. Both of those things probably age the eff out of me, but that’s just how things were back then LOL.

Their songs were the background music of my life throughout high school and even college. I vividly remember one really bad period of my life where I was just going through the motions and horribly depressed. It was 2013 and I was a sophomore in high school. The only way I was making it through the school day was by listening to One Direction’s album “Midnight Memories (Deluxe)” on repeat.

I taught myself how to play so many of their songs on piano. I truly loved the music. It was something that helped ground me. And, there were a lot of lyrics that I just really resonated with. Liam Payne wrote most of my favorite songs that One Direction put out. Below is one he helped write:

He was such a talented songwriter in addition to being a talented singer. It’s really heartbreaking, especially because it sounds like he was really struggling with his mental health. It’s really sad that fame has a way of really ruining some people’s lives.

When I read the news, I was honestly in disbelief and sick to my stomach. I just couldn’t believe it. And, I never in a million years thought that I could be so affected by the death of someone I never actually knew. But as I mentioned, they were a huge part of my life. And, I never stopped listening to them. I still have One Direction in my music rotation despite the fact that the band hasn’t been a thing since 2016.

And as if the initial shock wasn’t enough, the news outlets have clung to it for money purposes and it’s all over my feeds and news apps. Thankfully, I didn’t see the absolutely disgusting TMZ article that actually featured a picture of his lifeless body that showed his tattoos to “confirm” it was him…

Regardless, I feel like I’m constantly having to think about it because it’s just in my face. The more articles and details that come out, the sadder it is. There’s no dignity for celebrities when they die because people just start digging into every aspect of their lives and trying to expose them. I’ve even seen conspiracy theories around his death already and it’s only been a few days. A man has died in a tragic way and it just seems like all the news cares about is negatively portraying him for clicks when he was very clearly going through what sounded like a mental health crisis. The family should have some privacy right now instead of all of his problems spewed onto the internet for everyone to view and discuss.

If you’ve also been affected by this death, it’s completely understandable and it’s okay to grieve it even though you didn’t know him. Below is a good message about it:

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– Kailey