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For those of you that don’t know, I am multi-racial. I am a quarter Filipino, and while it might not seem like much, it is a big part of my identity. My grandfather was born and raised in the Philippines and my mom is half Filipino. It’s not like my Filipino genetics are generations and generations away. But, because I am for the most part white-presenting, a lot of the time, this part of me gets very invalidated. Because I look white, I am basically told “well you’re just a white person.” It makes me feel like I can’t talk about that part of my identity without pushback.
It’s really unfair because growing up, my mom always tried to teach me about Filipino culture and she even tried to teach me some Spanish words as a child. For those of you that don’t know, the Spanish colonized in the Philippines so there are a lot of Spanish Filipinos. For example, my grandfather’s mother was the Spanish Filipino and his father was native Filipino without any Spanish mixed in.
Not only did my mom always try to teach me about Filipino culture, but I had an array of things from the Philippines that I still have to this day. I have a dress and sandals from the Philippines that was once my mom’s. I have handmade purses and other trinkets from the Philippines. I even have a Filipino Barbie Doll. It was always something that was a part of my identity. It was always my favorite thing to tell people whenever I shared fun facts about myself. So, it really hurts when I’m just told “you’re just a white person.” It’s extremely invalidating.
I was not always white presenting. When I was younger, I was much darker than I am now. As I’ve aged, my skin pigment has definitely lessened. But when I was younger, I definitely looked like I could be a different race. What’s interesting though is my brother who is only 14 months older than me looked completely white. People never in a million years would have thought he was Filipino. He had blond hair, fair skin, and blue eyes. Me? Not so much. I had dark hair, brown eyes, and dark skin.
It wasn’t just my brother though that I didn’t look like. My cousins on my dad’s side all were very white looking so I always kind of stood out when I was with them. And, I was with them every week because my grandparents and aunt took us everywhere. I was the dark one amongst the fair-skinned children. Thankfully though, I did have cousins who looked more like me on my mom’s side (aka the Filipino side).
So yes, while I am 75% white, at the end of the day, I am still Filipino and it that will never stop being a part of me. Am I mostly white? Yes. Does that mean it’s okay for people to throw that in my face when I speak about my Filipino family and culture? No. You can’t tell someone they don’t represent a race just because they are white-presenting. Believe me, I am more than just a white person.
And even though I am not bi-lingual, that does not make a part of my identity invalid. Also, I would like to point out I wish I could speak Tagalog, but my mom had never learned. When I asked my grandmother why none of her children learned, she said they were not interested because yes, my white grandmother could fluently speak it.
I got the same answer from my grandmother on my other side who was an immigrant to this country from Germany. She spoke Polish and German and none of her kids were interested in learning either. I COULD have known at least 4 languages, but that is another conversation.
Regardless, just because someone is white-presenting, that does not give you permission to decide for them that they are or are not something based on what they look like to you. In this day and age, there are so many mixed people and really you’re better off just not assuming that someone is this or that just because they appear a certain race or ethnicity on the outside. It’s just plain rude. I know plenty of people who are mixed with darker skinned races who present white, but guess what, they’re other races besides white-European.
So next time you try to tell someone they are white just because they are white-presenting, don’t. Let them tell you for themselves what their race/ethnicity is. Bonus tip: don’t tell someone who is actually mixed race that they cannot present their race because they don’t look it, especially after they have told you that they are more than just white.
I’d also like to note here that not everyone likes to argue with me about what I am. There are a lot of people who do openly ask me what race I am because I really do not think that I look completely white. I definitely have features that some people have described as “exotic” (LOL, not even kidding). Being mixed is cool and unique. I definitely would not change it for the world. And if you are mixed and white-presenting, do not take shit from anyone, your identity is completely valid.
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Thanks for sharing this story. My mom is German and my dad father’s is Filipino from the Mindanao region of the Philippines, so I am 1/4 Pinoy (his mom was Italian and Middle Eastern). Being Filipino is a huge part of my identity yet largely invisible when I was growing up (I’m 54). Being white -presenting I have had comments my whole life like “you don’t look Filipino”. I am so happy that younger generations are claiming their mixed identities.
Similar Pinoy mix here and definitely closer to my Asian roots having spent summers there throughout my childhood. I have had my share of those comments too.
But I think that people should consider that for mixed people it is more often the Asian side that is big into keeping family and cultural ties strong. So it makes sense that white presenting family members would feel closer to that identity.
Thank you for writing this post. I am also a quarter Filipino (my grandpa was Filipino, my dad is half) and I find it hard to talk about my racial identity since I am pretty white-presenting. I’m getting used to owning it though–I am white-presenting and acknowledge the privileges inherent in that. And sometimes I feel like I’m not allowed to claim biracialness or multiracialness, even though it’s the truth of my being. So again thank you for sharing this, it’s helpful to feel less alone!
I’m 50 and half-Filipino on my mother’s side (French/Scottish/English/Welsh on my father’s side). I have the whitest name imaginable, and have had very similar experiences to yours all my life. I remember once complaining to a close friend about living in a community that was 98% white and openly racist against Native Americans and others, and he responded by laughing and saying, “You’re the whitest minority I know.” It was a small, painful betrayal, and I never forgot it.
I embraced that imposed whiteness for a long time, and I regret it. I admire you for having the courage to represent, a courage I found just a few years ago. There is so much history in our blood, so much beauty and suffering and indescribable wonder. Let’s never let anyone take that from us.
Thank you very much for writing and sharing this. It made me cry. I also liked sharing that I’m Filipino as a fun fact, over time I just learned to hide that part of myself.. I don’t want to hide anymore. I needed to hear all this. I just made a new friend and thought it was safe to tell her my identity. When I shared that I was Filipino, she told me that she was white. I didn’t think anything of it but it felt off the way she said it. It felt like she was trying to say that I should just say I’m white too. After some time, she keeps subtly telling me that I’m white like her not Asian. I look a lot like my Filipino father and grandmother, I have Filipino eyes, nose, mouth and facial features. My mother wasn’t very involved. I was raised by my Filipino father and grandmother and it says that I’m Pacific Islander/Asian on my birth certificate because of how I looked as a baby, I too grew out of my pigment. When people invalidate my identity, it makes me want to hide it even more. BUT this time, I’m going to embrace it even more. Learn more about my culture. Reach out to my Filipino family members more.
I guess phenotype matters to most people. I am from the Philippines but my looks tend to stick out because I look Mediterranean. My dad is mixed Filipino, Spanish and Sephardic Jewish while my mom is native Filipina from Batangas province. I often get mistaken as either North Indian, Pakistani, Iranian, Egyptian, Lebanese or Latino (though the latter is somewhat related). Both Westerners and Asians online never guess that I’m Southeast Asian even though I am technically. Anyway you’re right, other people have no right to tell you what you are.