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I titled this post “How?!” because that’s what I’m finding my bottom-line question to be.
So, I’ve recently been super excited to go back to school. My drug addiction stole so much from me and I’m finally getting everything back. So school, is one of them. I’m going back to school to be a Substance Abuse Counselor and I’m looking forward to it.
And here comes the “but” …
BUT… I tallied up my tuition and then I tallied up my personal finances. Total= a lot. Then, I tallied up financial aid and my income. Total= barely anything.
So basically, my income/financial aid is WAY LESS than tuition and my personal finances. AKA I have NO IDEA how I’m going to pull this off.
I had a bit of a panic session and although it was semi-relieving, reality is reality. And that reality is: HOW?!
So when people try to reassure me and motivate me, I appreciate it and all, but it still doesn’t answer the question: HOW?!
So… I decided to change my question. I added to it. Since I’m a very strong believer in my Higher Power, I’m now asking, “How is God going to make this happen?” … and then I realized I have to add something to the “but…” answer and change it to “but God…”
I then started to realize that I still had no answer to the new “how” question, because I have no idea how God is going to make any of this work out.
but maybe that’s the lesson I need to have right now. Maybe that’s exactly what I’m supposed to do : Not know.
Not know and rely on faith alone. So that’s what I’m doing. I’m going to my Higher Power and surrendering the situation to Him. I’m giving Him my fears, doubts, worries, concerns, confusion, the unknown, and the impossible. Sometimes I wonder if He allows a situation to seem impossible, just so I can have some faith and fully rely on Him. That way, He can say, “watch me make this possible”.
So, I’m going to continue to take the next steps to enroll in school and leave the rest to faith. There have been so many other times in my life where I have been faced with the impossible, but God made it possible!
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Allison,
Thank you so much for sharing your story on your personal struggle with going back to school. I can totally relate, for I am having my own doubts about the hows of starting school in the fall, and reading this helps me to understand more of and realize that sometimes it’s just about shifting our perspective to help us ask the right question. Again, thanks for sharing and instilling more hope in me as well as giving me the sort of kick in the rear to go get in tune with my Higher Power. 🙂 🙂 🙂
I’m right there with ya. I have no clue how I am going to pull off returning to school. Maybe in time, if we just GET there, reality will conform to keep us there and pull it off.