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I’ve been having a lot of trouble with holding my roommates to standards to ensure we all have a decent quality of life, but I find myself always lending money and bending over backwards to accommadate them. what are some techniques/tips folks might have to learn how to say NO without being a huge b#$^&
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Hi Grace,
The Way I Say No Is Thinking About MY Needs First. Don’t Get Me Wrong I Understand The Need To Want to Help Out And DO Things For People Who You Either Care About Or Have Helped You But If They Don’t Care About What You Need, Then Don’t Care About Theirs REMEMBER: Self Care Is THE BEST CARE!
Lending money and bending over backwards are two of the most annoyinngggggg things ever.
Although it seems like such a nice thing to do, it can turn bad really quickly so unless you know who you’re dealing with and have some sort of “special” relationship with your roommate, I would not do either. You guys should have went over and discussed what i like to call the “roommate agreement”, and lending money to one another should def be a no no b/c it can become a huge conflict and in the end, you seem like the jerk b/c you want back what’s rightfully yours.
Things that work for me when I want to say NO or i am building up the confidence to say so, usually revolve around a mirror and with turning things down that will not be such a let down to others. I’ve practiced in the mirror saying NO a thousand times over the past few years.. it’s like mental prep for me and for some reason it works. I practice what Im going to say and how I am going to say it in the sweetest way possible (if warranted). I start saying NO to simple things at first. For example, if a friend asks for a favor (to borrow a purse or use something) I just say NO, lol. Sometimes I sugarcoat it by making up an excuse and other days I just keep it completely real and say NO. I think my technique is overcoming the idea that by saying NO im hurting someone. I have to think more about myself and be realistic about situations. I am also coming to terms with the fact that saying NO without an explanation is perfectly fine. It takes time but as soon as you start to put yourself first, you will master it.
True, I Do Strongly Agree With That, I Believe That Makes More Sense. Look At The Lease To be Sure The Agreement States Exactly What Needs To Happen And For What Reasons And Bring It To Your Roommates Attention This Is What Was Agreed On And This is How It Shall Stay. No Questions Being Asked Just Make That Statement Clear Of What You guys Agreed On 🙂
Yes, stick to whatever was agreed upon. It’s also a way to help you out with saying No! You can always refer back to the contract or the agreement just when you feel uncomfortable or weird about saying no.
I agree with what everyone is saying. It is so important to remember that saying no is a full sentence. It sometimes feels like we need to explain ourselves as to why can’t and that can get uncomfortable. Saying no will start to build that boundary so they will know that they shouldn’t come to you for those things. I have a hard time saying no because I want to people please and have everyone like me. But sometimes that can lead to being taken advantage of, so saying no really is such a great tool!