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When most people think of good things happening in their life there is excitement. For me many times it’s fear. The future scares me and the fear of expectations and the what ifs creep in. I’m so grateful for the opportunities that I’m being given, but even though this is true, I can’t shake this feeling that I might not be worthy of them. So what do we do with the worry and do we let it hold us back?
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I totally get that. I thought I was the only one. I’m so used to the bad, when the good comes I’m like woah I don’t know what to do with this. I want my life to be better and to do better but its sooo out of my comfort zone. I guess I just have to feel through it, no matter how much I don’t want to.
I completely understand this. The one thing I can say is to try to enjoy the positive, good things that happen to us as fully as we can. Even if it’s just a sigh of relief from sitting someplace comfortable after a long day. You, and others, and all of us, are not alone in this feeling, and on that some token we are not alone in the fact that we are worthy of good things. Try to let go of the worry, and if you can’t, that’s okay. Try to enjoy the good things, even a little bit, but if you can’t or you feel nervous, that’s okay. But try, every day to enjoy the good things that happen, even little ones.
I get what your saying Nick, but that’s kinda easier said then done. I just got into this new relationship and its going great but when things get hard or I’m feeling insecure part of me wants to just give up. Its scary to fully put myself out there when I feel like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Sam, I must congratulate you on this new relationship. I find it so interesting how much one can learn from another while in a relationship. Aside from that, I can really see where you’re coming from when you say that you just want to give up when things get bad. I just escaped the college process, and I must say that it was so stressful and at times, unnecessary. I am going to be honest, there were many times when I wanted to give up. I applied to schools through this program called QuestBridge (sidenote, it is a great national organization that connects students with America’s top 35 schools for little to no money…spread it!), and having applied through QB, I applied to many schools. I assumed that I would get into at least one, given the fact that I was selected as a QuestBridge Finalist which is the equivalent of being accepted into Yale or Harvard, let’s say. I applied to maybe 12-15 from the QB list. I did not get into a single one. I was furious, confused, and sad. I was completely disheartened, and I did not want to continue with the college process. I spent a good week or so in the worst rut ever. I no longer saw the point in education or in life pursuits. I felt that I had come so far and worked so hard to only be let down in the end. But of course, after a few days of crying my mom sat me down and made me look at it from a different perspective. (I am a strong believer of that word) After much contemplating, making pros and cons lists, I realized that it just was not meant to be and there had to be something better for me. I spent another month getting nowhere. Until one day, I received an email asking me to apply for a full ride at Santa Clara University. Mind you, I applied to SCU for no reason, I just felt like I should–so this email definitely came as a surprise, not to mention that I didn’t even remember applying to SCU when I received the email. Anyways, I applied for the full ride, was selected out of 5 to go for final interviews, and two weeks later I received an email asking me to call the director because he “had some good news.” I called and I began to cry so much, all of the anger and frustration that I had been feeling for months was let out of me through those tears–a catharsis, if you will. I had received the full ride. This beast that I had been battling since the first day that the Common App opened, was finally struck down, and I was able to go to college worry free.
Now, you’re probably confused as to why I told this story and thinking that there is no link. There is, let me explain. For a good amount of my senior year, I felt like it just did not matter anymore, I felt like giving. So many times did I write an email to all of my schools saying “Please withdraw my application,” and so many times I erased that email. What you need to understand and take from this experience is that it always gets better and there will be a light at the end of your tunnel. In my case, it took me all of senior year to realize that everything was going to be okay (10 months I spent worrying and crying). Although in the moment you may not see the point, or you may want to call it quits and go home, I urge you to not do so, and to continue on. Your path may be long and arduous, but in the end, it is all worth it. Continue on, day-by-day, and know that every effort you put in, is making a difference. Never give up. I almost made that mistake, and if my mom had not told me to keep persevering, I probably would not be heading to college in the fall.
I hope that this helps, and know that someone will always be there to encourage you on. But you must first encourage yourself. Thank you.