Today is the first day of spring!!! Tonight is the equinox- which means that the day and night time are about the same length. What does that mean?? From now until the summer solstice our days will get longer and longer!! More sun! More warmth! If you struggle with seasonal depression, you are coming around the bend!! Life is blooming and I feel happy knowing that I won’t have to bike home in the dark at 5pm. Also, super cool FUN FACT (even though it’s not Friday) tonight will be the third and last super moon of 2019!!! Around 9:45 look up and check out the MOON!!
How do you guys feel about the start of spring? What does it mean for you? Any plans or hopes?
Today, I Was Triggered
Today I was triggered.
It happened early in the day. I woke up tired, so tired. But I was happy, I was ok. I looked out of my bedroom window. My small bedroom inside of a shelter, where I sleep alone with my daughter. It wasn’t raining, just wet, it was dim and the air looked wet. It looked so comfortable. I blinked, not a normal quick blink, the type that lasts years and years and sends images of memories running through your head. I was in Redding, waking up for school, living with my mom and my brother. And for a moment, without quite realizing it, I became sad, so sad. My eyes got heavy, and my mind became wet with thoughts and feelings.
Then, in the shower, with soap all over my body, the water pressure slowed gradually until nothing came out. I stood there for a few moments, trying to wash the soap off myself with the final, cold drips falling from the pipes. Willow smiled up at me and reached to be picked up.
While we were getting ready Willow began to cry. She whined, and reached, and yelled a few times. She wanted something, but I didn’t know what it was. I made a conscious effort to keep hold of my patience and not become upset with her. We both just felt a lot and needed a moment. So we sat in bed, half dressed, and read a few books and had some quiet time. By the time we were ready, we both felt a little better.
Then, leaving a few minutes later than I intended, I stepped outside. Again, I was triggered.
The air was filled with a smell and a feeling and a look that filled me with a feeling of memory. Someone came from behind me and hit me in the back with a bag of feelings and thoughts and half-memories.
The memories weren’t whole; they were feelings that were happy and sad, and thoughts that were too fuzzy to really be thoughts. No actual memories came. It was a feeling of memory. As I walked, I felt somber. I was also really content. The air smelled so good, and I felt very mindful. I enjoyed the foggy air, and I felt calm and able to observe everything around me.
Suddenly, I would feel sad, or have an intense longing for something, although I wasn’t sure what for exactly. I would look at a building, one I see every day, and it was as if I had just noticed it was there. Suddenly, I would be clubbed with this feeling of memory. I saw the water through the buildings and felt a strong urge to wander. I felt no urgency or sense of time, almost as if I had been suspended into my own universe, within the outside world but separated by a strong sense of awareness. Or something like that.
As I continued to walk, I thought about how I felt, I wrote about it in my head. My contentedness grew into a subtle happiness. I felt so calm.
The wind blew my hair over my eyes and nose. The smell of shampoo filled my nostrils.
Again this wave hit me. No actual memories. But the bodily sensation of being somewhere I wasn’t. The nostalgia. A vague mixture of happiness and sadness. And many thoughts I couldn’t quite place or identify.
Today I was triggered. And I’ve never quite handled it so well, and I’m so glad I was.
Spring is almost here! To celebrate, here is Willow destroying nature. (P.S. I do not pick flowers or disturb nature, someone gave this to us)
What is your favorite Snow day memory?
For those of you who grew up in areas where it snowed, what would you consider to be your all-time favorite snow day memory???
For me, I remember that I was about 10 years old, and my best friends were supposed to have me sleepover a couple of nights before a big snow storm hit. Unfortunately, that didn’t end up happening but in order to make up for the change of plans, after the snow storm we all went sledding, and then drove to the local Blockbuster and got a couple of movies to see at their house. It was definitely worth the wait for me a that age.
What about you guys?
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