Hi TurningPointCT  Welcome to the next chapter!

I haven’t been on here in some time, so I think you’re all due for an update! I have some new blogs on the way, so stay tuned for my normal style of writing.

So it was a bit of a bittersweet good-bye to my position at TurningPointCT… I’m still involved, but I’ve ventured onto a new chapter! I am now the Recovery Liaison for Recovery Network of Programs (RNP). RNP has 19 different programs and several levels of care for people seeking recovery for addiction and/or mental health disorders.

What’s really cool about my new job is that I’m the first of this project that I am a part of. RNP partnered with Optimus Health Care to bring more services to their clients and patients. Basically, I’m mainly stationed at one of the Optimus Health Care locations and when a patient comes into the facility to receive general medical care, they are given a set of questions and depending on their answers, I get involved. Once someone indicates that they are in need of either mental health care and/or substance abuse treatment, I engage them and try to get them enrolled in treatment.

It’s really exciting because I have so much flexibility with my job role. RNP supports the involvement I have with CT and local communities, so they are encouraging me to still do public speaking and be on committees and whatnot. One thing I love about RNP is that the leadership are inspirational women that have had a huge impact on my life, as well as members of my family. Sometimes I get to bounce around to other agencies and site locations and spread the news about our new “Primary Integrative Care Team” aka the PIC Team 🙂 So if you see me all around Bridgeport – I promise I’m there for good reasons 🙂

But here’s a little secret: I was once a patient at RNP. I used many of their services throughout my active addiction years and still utilize their services. I went from being a patient to an employee! A blog on that is in the making!

So that’s an update on my professional life. My personal life has had some major changes as well:

1. I moved into an apartment with my best friend Jen earlier this summer!
2. I graduated college – check out the blog on that here
3. I changed churches & am shifting my spirituality pathway- stay tuned for a blog on that
4. I found out I’m not as weak as I thought I was

Wait, can we just go back to number 4 … I found out I’m not as weak as I thought I was.

This summer, I’ve learned that the weak, broken, bruised woman I thought I still was; is not me. Since so many big changes happened in such a short time, my mental health was starting to be neglected. I was becoming so absorbed in everything and I had quickly labeled myself as some awful things. I couldn’t be happy for myself because I was allowing other people, places, and things be the decision-maker of my emotions and thoughts. For someone living with PTSD, having no control is one of the worst feelings and can trigger a spiral in my thinking process.

So long story short, it bubbled to the surface and the only word of defense I was able to come up with was: No.

Little did I realize, this was going to be the beginning of using a word I was afraid to use my entire life.

Once I saw that I CAN say no, it was a ripple effect. I was “no this” and “no that” for everything. E V E R Y T H I N G.

It felt so empowering. I felt in control. I felt peace. It started off with little things, then the big things came. I said no to men. I said no to helping someone when I mentally couldn’t. I said no to pushing myself when I knew it wasn’t safe to keep pushing. I said no to plans that I couldn’t uphold. And ready for this… I said no to things that I simply just DIDN’T FEEL LIKE DOING.

I may seem cold, but it was the best way that I felt I could shake my fears and insecurities and start becoming my own woman.

So anyway, that is some updates for now. I’ll be posting some cute apartment pictures soon! Jen and I living together is literally a constant sleepover with my best friend. Plus, Luca basically lives with us too, so it’s nice always having them with me. There’s never a moment that we aren’t laughing – or eating lol

I love you all and to the one that’s reading this that is struggling at saying ‘no’ — start with small, manageable things and then keep going– you will be surprised how it will create a ripple effect. I hope you all keep watch for my upcoming blogs about: my new spiritual path, becoming an employee at a place I was a patient, more about my PTSD, and lots more!

<3

Thanksgiving: A holiday where most families get together and share what they are thankful for while breaking bread. When I was using, Thanksgiving and many other holidays were awful. I would be rushing around trying to meet drug dealers and put myself together enough to show up for my family. They all would know that something was wrong with me, but would just give me a gentle reminder that I am loved and that they hope everything will be ok.

I don’t think the chaos of those holiday mornings are described well enough with the word ‘awful’. I would wake up in deep withdrawal.. vomiting, diarrhea, sweating, chills, aches, and extreme anxiety. Most of the time I would wake up with no money in my pocket because it was spent the day before on bags of dope that I would swear to save for the holiday morning. But once they were in my hand it was, “I can do these now and I’ll figure out the morning”. The morning was NEVER figured out and I knew this, yet I kept doing it.

Out I would go to steal something or rob someone. Scrambling to not get caught, usually outside in the cold, all while still experiencing withdrawal symptoms and only intensifying as minutes pass. Once I would finally score some money, the next mission was to find a drug dealer that was ‘around’ on a holiday. See, drug dealers are not always these guys that just sit in a house all day selling drugs. Many of them have families that need to see them too. I can’t explain the feeling of doom that takes over when all phones are off when you are trying to score. So then you have to go into neighborhoods that you know have people available and hope you score something that isn’t completely fake. All the while, your family members are blowing up your phone asking where you are and you’re already an hour or two late.

Today is the third Thanksgiving in a row that I will be celebrating while in recovery. This morning I have woken up healthy, besides a slight cold. I woke up with my best friend at my house after a sleepover. My mom is cooking and preparing the Thanksgiving meal. My dad is making breakfast and my brother is on his way over. I’m not reaching over for a needle. I have money in my bank account. I know that everyone in my family is in good health. I will be spending the afternoon surrounded by my loved ones and will be arriving on time.

Three years ago today I went upstairs in my bedroom while my entire family was over for Thanksgiving to complete a suicide attempt by a heroin overdose. As raw as that is, it was reality for me. So this morning I wake up with slight panic because it still feels real. I can feel all of the terrible emotions I had felt that day, I can literally feel them. But then I realize.. I’m not there anymore and that day has passed. I can’t believe that it has been three years. I’ve never had this long of recovery before. I’m in awe every day of God’s mercy and grace in my life.

I’m thankful for three years.
I’m thankful for my family.
I’m thankful for my best friends.
I’m thankful for my boyfriend.
I’m thankful for my cats.
I’m thankful for my career.
I’m thankful for my education.
I’m thankful for my co workers.
I’m thankful for my boss.
I’m thankful for my church.

& I’m thankful for so much more.

Today, I am also thankful for me… the courage that sparked inside me to stop that suicide attempt and ask for help. I’m thankful for making the call to treatment centers despite the immense amount of humiliation, fear, and shame that comes along with it. I’m thankful for the counselors that didn’t let me quit.

Little did I know that what I planned to be the end of everything, was the start to a journey of hope I’d never imagine.

In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.

1 Thessalonians 5:18

Recovery University
Upcoming Course For Emerging Adults
This course is open to persons aged 18-29.
Apply before 5:00 pm on Friday, February 24th
Offered at a discount rate of $50

Recovery University is an 80-hour advanced training and certification program for persons with mental health histories. Upon successful completion of the course and the certification exam, graduates will be state certified as Recovery Support Specialists, Peer Delivered Services.

Many behavioral healthcare and mental health orgs and agencies, including the Connecticut DMHAS, have or are likely to be offering positions for Recovery Support Specialists. Many, if not most, of these job openings require that candidates be certified graduates of the Recovery University program. Here is a list potential employment opportunities: http://www.mindlink.org/jobs_ct.html#rss-jobs-ct

Location
Parsons Government Center
City of Milford
70 W. River Street
Milford, CT 06460

Start Date: March 6, 2017
(Class dates: 3/6, 3/8, 3/13, 3/15, 3/20, 3/22, 3/27, and 3/29)
End Date: March 29, 2017
Certification Exam: Monday, April 3, 2017
Class Times: 9:30 am – 5:00 pm

To apply online please visit here: http://www.mindlink.org/recovery_university_schedule.html

I know there is a lot going on right now in the state. For those of you who don’t know (and by no means am I an expert) we are in a huge financial crisis. I know this is not a typical topic for me to cover, but it has been on my mind lately.

I have to be honest: I am disappointed in the way the state is headed., and even mad at times. But I can’t blame anyone any longer. I think it’s really easy to point fingers at people at the,yet I am feeling tired of this cycle.

It is times like these that I ask for accountability from those in power, and community and hope from my community of peers, young adults and anyone who has ever felt like an underdog. Right now, we are facing massive budget cuts to social services, and the future is uncertain as election day approaches.

I don’t want to minimize the effect of the budget crisis – there are many wonderful programs and supports that have affected the lives of people in need, and the jobs of professionals who tirelessly serve others.

Right now, this is just a reminder to myself to keep going and remind people that mental health affects 4/4 of people, not just the 1/4 of people.

For those of you who are interested in learning about the current budget, here are some links below.

Malloy: There’s a budget deficit, but it’s really, really small

https://assets.documentcloud.org/documents/3141788/OFA-Deficit-Projection-Oct-13.pdf

Nonpartisan analysts: CT budget is $78M in deficit

Of course at any job or even when in school, meetings with your peers and staff are something that you just have to get use to. Being on time is vital and sometimes even contributing to the conversation is as well. In a few of the meetings that I have been a part of, the issues of public transportation keep arising. I’m not sure if young adults just don’t know how to configure the transpo system or if it’s really that damn unorganized, but something has got to give. I think it makes total sense to make use of the available transpo options that we have (train, bus, uber, cab, etc) but if one cannot even figure out how to use any of them, then it’s not being the best at what it’s suppose to do. I think it’s becoming extremely important for staff members, who haven’t taken a bus or train ride before (or have not taken one in quite sometime) that work with people who use the system to actually try it for themselves. It just makes more sense to me to be able to explain and direct someone on how to do something if I’ve already done it… you know, speak from relevant experience. It’s way more encouraging. The bus is hella confusing– standing at specific stops, knowing the routes, jumping on and off different buses at different stops or at the station, inserting exact bus fare, using the bus transfers, etc… it goes on and on.

Sure there’s different apps and resources online (even at the bus terminals) to help you figure things out, but there’s nothing like someone you know and trust, walking you through things.

If you have some questions, reach out to a friend… you can even ask me right here on this forum. Check out for travel options, tips and guides to public transportation. The help is out there, but do not be afraid to ask someone a question, there’s no such thing as a dumb question.