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Watching the World Develope

The overwhelming amount of support I’ve been receiving regarding my writing has been an indescribable and beautiful experience.

I want to talk to you about why I am doing what I am doing. About why I am sharing my inner thoughts with you, my reader and friend. About why I wanted to do this work in the first place.

This is for Sophia.
This is for Rachael and Erin.
This is for Amanda and Nicole.
This is for Olivia.
This is for Summer.
This is for Marissa and Maya.

This is for Jessica.

This is for the incredible women in my life that inspire and encourage me to be the best Olivia that I can possibly be.
This is for our future children.

This is so that sweet girl’s legacy lives on.

This is for everyone reading this that doesn’t have their own voice yet. This is to encourage you to share your story.

This is for those who are struggling in silence. You are strong. You are beautiful. You are an important and necessary part of this world. I believe you. I believe in you. I know how special you truly are.

This is for the 8/13/17/22 year-old-me that needed someone to believe in her when it felt like the world was crumbling down around her.

This is for you, my reader and my friend. This is so you know you are not alone.

Fear or Love?

“In life, you are driven by either fear or love.” I heard someone say. It was such a powerful statement for me. I started reflecting on how easily I can get caught up in fear, rather than love.

I started the process of going back to college. As I began the application process, I became discouraged about the whole idea of school very quickly. This discouragement turned into doubt, then the doubt turned into despair. My addiction was feeding me lies, or even half-truths that turned into lies. I started believing the lies for a bit. My mother then noticed how I went from being really excited to go back to school, to suddenly completely losing my drive. She called me out on it. She asked me why I was doubting myself and becoming so discouraged. I recognized it and then decided to dig deep to find out what exactly was going on with me.

I was afraid.

I was afraid to go to back to school. I had fear of doing it sober, fear of the new school scene, fear of failure, etc. I was being DRIVEN AWAY from school by FEAR! Five minutes before starting the application process, I was DRIVEN TO school by LOVE! So, I had to focus on that part; love. I love recovery. I love helping people with their addiction. I love watching the transformations and testimonies addicts have.

Now, I’m starting to recognize that when I’m feeling a certain way about a person, place, or thing, I need to figure out which feeling it really is; fear or love. A lot of times other emotions stem from that, like anger. I’ve also noticed that with me, sometimes pain turns into fear, or even the other way around.

So, I ask you this… are you driven by love or fear?

Love has always gotten me in the better place I want to be. I also constantly remind myself that the Bible mentions to NOT BE AFRAID 365 times. So, for each day of the year, I can read a verse that reminds me to not be afraid and instead; love.

One verse that I recite often when I’m feeling anxious and afraid is found in 2 Timothy 1:7, “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”

LOVE. A SOUND MIND. Exactly what I need to focus on!