I’m sure a lot of you have seen or heard about Jamel Myles.

He is the nine year old boy from Colorado who committed suicide after coming out and being tormented by bullies. He had been bullied the year prior by the same kids, however this year, it took only four days of suffering at school for Jamel to decide to end his own life to escape the pain. He had just come out to his family and friends over the summer, and his mom said that he was happy to come out to his classmates, because he was proud of himself. Instead, Jamel was told to kill himself by his bullies.

The fact that a child could be so tormented that he decides he does not want to be alive anymore is heartbreaking. It’s sickening and tragic and horrific. And it brings me to a level of pain for two reasons.

When I was twelve, I tried to commit suicide multiple times. The most serious was in a psychiatric hospital, where in my bathroom at 2 am I hung myself with a pair of pants and woke up in a emergency room.

As a person who has struggled with mental illness for all of my adolescence and for a great deal of my childhood- I understand that pain. I understand the urge to end your life. I have felt the pain that Jamel was in. I feel the fear of death, dulled by a overwhelming desire to escape a pain I did not understand would one day feel so far away.
And as a mother, who fears above all else, that my daughter will one day struggle with the same things I have- I cannot begin to imagine the pain and deep, unbearable despair his mom, Leia must be experiencing. Truly, I cannot even try to imagine it without feeling as though I may burst into tears. While I understand the pain and desperation that fueled Jamel’s suicide, as a mom and an adult- I know what often drives suicide is a need to escape a pain that will not last forever. And that the impulse to escape overrides fear of death, love of your family, and any other logic or feeling that could stop you from ending your life. But when your young- especially as young as nine- pain seems like it is inescapable.

I am so, so sad for Jamel and his family.

And I am so hurt that bully is so prevalent that it brought a child to end his life, after only four days back at school.

R.I.P. Jamel

1. “Haters” by Hilary Duff

“With everyone
Who’s come and gone
My head is clear
My voice is strong
Now I’m right here to right the wrong”

2. “Don’t You Just Hate Those People?” by Jennette McCurdy

When your heart is broken, you feel like the only one.
There’s a million others, holding hands. Where do they all come from?
Every coffee table, Every movie, every car
They want the whole wide world to know
How in love they are!

3. “Mean Girls” by Rachel Crow

“
Do you ever go to lunch with no one by your side
Cause the moment you arrive they all leave the table
Calling me everything but my name
Need I remind you again just call me Rachel
How would you feel if you running home crying
Lock yourself in your room, don’t want anyone to see ya
While everyone’s having fun outside, and you’re telling yourself”

4. “Outcast” by Kerrie Roberts]

“Since I can remember, guess I been a problem
Never had a filter, never been the popular one
To sugar coat what I know is undeniable
I just can’t hide it, I wear it like a letter”

5. “Jealous” by Nick Jonas

“I turn my chin music up
And I’m puffing my chest
I’m getting red in the face
You can call me obsessed
It’s not your fault that they hover
I mean no disrespect
It’s my right to be hellish
I still get jealous”

6. “Shake It Off” by Taylor Swift

“But I keep cruising
Can’t stop, won’t stop moving
It’s like I got this music in my mind
Saying it’s gonna be alright”

7. Beyoncé – Irreplaceable

And keep talking that mess, that’s fine
But could you walk and talk at the same time?
And it’s my mine name that is on that tag
So remove your bags let me call you a cab

8. “It Gets Better” by Todrick Hall

“Hey You
Trying so hard not to cry well
I know you fed up but keep your head up
‘Cause people only see what they wanna’
People gone believe what they gonna”

9. “Christina Aguilera” – Beautiful

“I am beautiful no matter what they say.
Words can’t bring me down.
I am beautiful in every single way.
Yes, words can’t bring me down… Oh no.
So don’t you bring me down today.”

10. Eminem – Love The Way You Lie ft. Rihanna

“Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that’s alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that’s alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie”

Guys!
Here are some events coming up that might interest you if you are in the Hartford or Fairfield County area:

Transgender Day of Remembrance: This honors the lives of our transgender brothers and sisters who have been lost to murder or suicide. 2016 has especially been a very tragic year, with record numbers of transgender victims of murder. This is a must for me, but of course if you are interested in going to the event, it will be held at Triangle Community Center (618 West Ave, Norwalk) this Sunday, November 20th. You will need to RSVP so feel free to do so here: http://www.ctpridecenter.org/tdor_2016.

Also, in Hartford, True Colors will be having a very important community discussion about advocating for yourself and others, in the new regime. The event is on Rainbow Friday, November 25th. RSVP to Melissa@ourtruecolors.org or join the the group any Friday night for free activities at 30 Arbor Street, Suite 201A, Hartford, CT beginning at 6:30.

A recent study by the federal government’s Youth Risk Behavior Survey shows that LGBT Youth on average are more vulnerable to mental illness and violence. Surveys are not 100% accurate but the reality that lies behind these numbers are not surprising.

According to the data, more than 40 percent of these students reported that they had seriously considered suicide, and 29 percent had made attempts to do so in the year before they took the survey. It also shows that LGBT youth are using drugs at a larger rate than their straight peers.

Moreover, the report also implies that in schools and public spaces there is a deafening silence surrounding adolescent sexuality and gay-related victimization that acts as a barrier, preventing these youth from accessing treatment or getting help. Some cases may go untreated and in other cases there is a misunderstanding of the circumstances of mental illness among LGBT youth.

These numbers are basic indicators of some of the everyday events that ensues in the life of an LGBT youth. Being bullied, abused and assaulted at a young age; figuring out your identity; coming to the reality that you have to live with who you are; having to come out to family and friends; coming out and not being accepted; being kicked out of your home; going homeless; the uphill battle to finding a community; finding support and getting to a safe space.

Quite frankly, as a youth there are a plethora of challenges that comes with growing up but its even harder figuring out your sexuality and your identity. You find yourself in an abyss of misery, trying to figure out your place in society and legitimizing who you are.

Social norms have a way of dictating that you are not normal, you have to fight to get married, to get an education and to simply be recognized with basic human rights. And on the far side, as a youth growing up LGBT, you are looking at this as a test that you don’t want to face or at least a reality that you hope will change. But, in your own world, in your home, there is just no sympathy, no guidance and no set path that will help you to live through the daunting effects of trauma and irrecoverable rejection.

One important message from the report comes from the University of Pittsburgh school of Medicine, Dr. Miller, she said that self acceptance can begin at home. What if home was the place to have healthy relationships with relatives and where LGBT youth are able to talk about their sexuality and identity? And what if school was just another place to make friends and make the most of your academic experience without intimidation or fear. What if they didn’t have to come out?

Poor mental health is not human culture and it is definitely not LGBT culture – its the reality forced upon many to believe that they cannot seek help because they should be afraid to speak about who they are or what they are going through. Its the stigma that implies that you are weak or soft if you fall victim to mental illness. And its the reality that manifest itself in societies where LGBT youth are deprived of their basic human rights and dignity.

LGBT youth are vulnerable, they are at risk of violence and victimization, they are homeless, they are suicidal… this is not meant to be a distraction, these heartbreaking numbers are a call for Help!

Click on the link below to read a short but informative article on recent studies involving bullying in this country. Whether you are/were a victim or not, it is a must read. I would love to see feedback on it!!!

http://www.prweb.com/releases/2015/10/prweb13003811.htm