Our Stories

Juliana’s Story of Depression Keeping Her From School

What have you struggled with? When did it become too much?

I have struggled with anxiety for as long as I can remember. I was always an anxious child and my stomach always hurt, seemingly for no reason. My pediatrician referred to me as a “bundle of nerves” when no one could find the source of my stomach pain. It became too much for me my freshman year of high school. I could not handle the stressors in my life and broke down. I stopped going to school. My family and friends didn’t understand what was happening to me, and neither did I at the time. I was glued to my couch, constantly crying, and having panic attacks. The self-isolation triggered depression, which I began to struggle with at this time.

What kind of support did you get at first? Did it work?

My mom had to physically drag me to therapy. I under no circumstances wanted to go. I was embarrassed to be there. It made me feel weak and vulnerable. I spent the first few sessions just crying, unable to get a word out. Very slowly, I began to open up to my therapist. That, coupled with SSRIs began to help with my anxiety and depression.

Were there any turning points where things really started to change for the better?

I did not leave the house much throughout high school. Though I was in therapy and on medication, I could not bring myself to face school. And then college application season rolled around. I was absolutely terrified. There wasn’t a question of whether or not I would be going to college in some way or another, it was always a set expectation for me. Apprehensively I applied to and visited a few schools. I thought: I can’t even go to school 5 minutes down the road, how am I going to move away to college? But I knew I could not continue to live like this. I was tired of letting my anxiety and depression dictate my life. Leaving home and attending college was the turning point for me. The change of environment, meeting new people who had no idea I never went to high school, and immersing myself in organizations that shared my same values is what got me through this transition.

What’s your life like now? What have you been able to accomplish, and what are you working towards?

I am now a junior at Sacred Heart University, and I am much stronger. I am thriving at school, I am a double major in psychology and marketing, a double minor in sociology and dance, in the honors college, in a sorority, in honors societies, Vice President of the 8 sororities governing body, and President of a mental health and suicide prevention club. I’m also an intern at Positive Directions this semester. It has been an extremely rewarding experience and one that is difficult for me to put into words. It makes me proud to be on the other side of the couch, in a counseling setting as an employee and not as a patient. If you told 16 year old me, the girl who didn’t want to keep living, who missed out on high school because of her mental health, that I am thriving in college, she would not believe you. Sometimes it is still difficult for me to recognize and celebrate the many accomplishments I’ve gathered since that extremely dark time in my life. But I am being mindful to self-reflect and appreciate how much progress I have made every single day.

What would you say to people who are having a tough time? What’s helped you that you wish you had known earlier

What I wish I could have realized earlier, and what I want other people to know who are struggling is that you are not alone. There is no reason to feel ashamed or embarassed because of your mental health struggles. There are so many people who are experiencing the same pain you are. Reach out to them, learn their stories, lean on each other. It has taken me a long time to realize that needing therapy is completely “normal” for lack of a better word. It’s those who don’t need – or don’t think they need it – who are the outliers. This knowledge is powerful and extremely healing.