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The Second Half of My Pas De Deux

pas de deux [pa d(ə) dø] (French, literally “step of two”)

This is the maid of honor speech I never got to recite.
This is for you, my beautiful friend who has saved my life in so many ways.

If you are the luckiest person on the Earth, you still wouldn’t come close to feeling the joy I have in my heart when I think about my best person.
My best person a 24-year-old, strong-willed and insightful woman, with 1000 years of life experience.
She is kind. She is fierce.

She is my anchor.

March 2012
You left me today. I can’t believe I have to go 56 days without hearing your voice or seeing your face. It’s been less than 24 hours since we said goodbye and I already have 9,000 things to tell you. How am I going to survive without you? How am I going to be able to find the strength that I only have when I am with you? How am I supposed to be ½ of us?

May 2012
Today is my senior prom. I don’t want to go. I don’t want to put on a dress and do my hair and makeup, and pretend I am okay. I am wilting away without you. I got to see your face today, but that just made me miss you more. I wish you were home. Only 70 more days until I get to see you.

August 2012
I had to leave Texas today without you. I wish I could have put you in my suitcase and flown you home. 156 days separated us. Not a thing changed.

March 2013
A whole year has passed since the last time you were a Connecticut resident. I am so different than I was when you left. I am finding my place. You are growing, too. You are keeping us safe.

April 2013
Now we are anchored to one another. Remember when I lost Rock, Paper, Scissors? I had to tell my mother we were going to get tattoos. That was awful. But at least you were there with me. Now we have each other wherever we go.

May 2016
I am so happy you are home. Together and apart, we have been through so much. We are different people than we were four years ago. We are different people than we were yesterday. But somehow, we have remained connected and in sync every day since the first day you left.

If you find someone in your life who makes your stomach hurt from laughing so hard, your ears hurt from her singing so loudly, someone who makes you feel like you are the best thing the world could have come up with- you’re not even close to being as lucky as I am to have A as my best friend.
I could search the entire world and still never find someone who understands me, who lifts me, and who believes in me like you do.

I wish I had words to tell you how proud I am of the 4 years you have served our country, and the 11 years you have served my family by taking me off their hands.
You are the better than the best friend I could have dreamed up in my own imagination. You understand and accept my flaws, my personality, my mental illnesses. You make me a better me. If there was a word that meant more than “non-romantic soulmate” I would insert it right here.

The best part about our friendship is that I don’t even have to write these words for you to know what I mean.


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