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The thing is that I was a DCF kid. My childhood composed of trauma and abuse which led me to growing so accustomed to The System that I never learned the social skills needed to interact with Normies (people who were never in The System and is sane enough to appear normal even if they’re not). I believe that I never fully adapted to the real world; I never successfully transitioned from a hospital ambiance to the community setting. This theory would definitely explain why I’m so socially awkward. I have a habit of making people feel uncomfortable and actually taking pleasure in it. You see, in psych wards, talking about depression, suicide, rape, and the like were topics of conversation. We made humor out of it because they were the only things to define our lives. It’s why I have a very dark, warped sense of humor. I know it’s hard to take me seriously but I use humor as a coping/defense mechanism. If I stop laughing, I’ll fall apart. I’m content with failing to transition from the psych ward to the material world. I accept my mental health problems to the point where I embrace them for the better. However, life is a journey and things happen for a reason. I’m slowing coming to terms with being better with social-stuff but if certain people in my life are meant to go away, then I must let go or be dragged. Life is better without expectations anyway.
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Was just scrolling through and saw your topic! Wow I know exactly what you’re talking about. Humor has really got me through things that were in no way funny. But the way I look at it is how depressing would depression be if we didn’t? It has been helpful in so many ways and especially being able to joke about it with people that get it. But at the same time I need that balance of dealing with what’s going on and then trying to keep it light. Because lets be honest, this s#$t can get pretty dark and having that good laugh can be the biggest relief in the world in those kinds of moments! Anyone get what I’m saying??
Believe it or not, I’m pretty socially awkward too. I spent the majority of my teen years in various treatment facilities, so every time I would form a close friendship to someone, either they would end up leaving or I would end up leaving. I think that’s one of the main reasons it’s difficult for me to maintain close friendships. Also, unless I’m among like-minded people, I tend to feel extremely different from my peers, my interest, hobbies, and way of thinking never seemed to match that of people my age, it’s only recently I’m meeting people more similar to me. Social gatherings such as parties and clubbing always were very odd and uncomfortable for me, I just recently started going out a slightly bit more. And this whole idea of having a “squad” or close knit group of friends is very strange to me. As much as I’d enjoy having a team of people I can always rely on and have very similar interesst as me, I just don’t see it happening. For one, I’m too inconsistent with hanging out with people because I’m so introverted. And I’m a loner at heart. People confuse me, they drain me. The world makes more sense to me in solitude.
I think I’m a Normie according to your definition, but believe me when I say, I am also socially awkward. I’ve worked so hard on myself to the point where I have mastered the ability to literally fit in anywhere. I’ve learned to “fake it til I make it” and when the time is right, open up and reveal more of a natural me. At this point in my life though, I’ve done way too much “Faking it” so hey, you either like me or love me (theres nothing else) for what I give you. It’s so hard to try to be a part of any one group, let alone fit into society’s standard of normal so forget trying to make myself be something that I’m not. The beauty in life is the differences in all of our experiences that bring us together so that we all learn from one another. Opposites do attract and all of you will run into people who just may become your close friend. Just let it flow lol I myself have a warped sense of humor, only because I too grew up in an environment with like minds and where all of the “inappropriate” jokes and opinions I have are extremely normal and are not taken seriously, so that can sometimes ruin any chance I have with connecting with people. Some people find me so offensive at first but I mean no harm… mostly.
Any type of change or anything that isn’t your normal will make you uncomfortable.. and I think that feeling of being uncomfortable is great in this case. It means your stepping out and taking a chance. Sometimes it works out sometimes it doesn’t.. but you’d never know if you didnt try. Social stuff isn’t for anyone so I get the preference of living in solitude but the world we live in almost feels as if we have to mingle in some way or another. Interactions, creating and building relationships and conversations are healthy.
Sometimes people don’t understand what you are going through so they judge you by the way you look or dress. I don’t think that’s fair.
I spent much of my life in hospitals and treatment facilities so I can definitely relate to the difficulty of constantly trying to force myself to transition into the “community”, or force myself to live when at times I really didn’t know how to simply because I had spent so many years locked away. The first time I was hospitalized I was 12 and I am almost 30 now…half of my life has been in and out of institutions. each year, some time has been spent in a hospital or program, unfortunately. at times it saved my life and at times, it completely robbed and stripped me of any little life that was left of me. Doctors and nurses became by mom and dad and at one point, that seemed safe to me. Now, its sad. It’s sad because that is not how it should have been. It’s sad because I am the one who missed out and it took me many years of learning the wrong way and damaging my body and suffering to slowly, begin to feel a tiny bit of self worth and ambition to want to live outside the walls of an instution.
I didn’t find that ambition or self worth inside myself, it came from others…It came from peers, from my friends who I met across my path who turned into people I love very dearly, people in NA, people who have been through the same trauma I have who are healing themselves. People who were told they wouldn’t survive or be anybody. I was told I wouldn’t be anything. I was told I was dirty and filthy and fat and disgusting and worthless and unloved and sick and could never get better. What’s worse is I believed them. I now have loving people who tell me I am beautiful and smart and I can get better and I am getting better and it sounds really freaking cheesy but I’m not in the hospital today…I’m not in jail and I’m not dead so I’m okay.
It takes a long, long, long time and I know, in the midst of pain and mental torture, time is the worst word and the most painful part of the process, but one second at a time for me.
Thanks for sharing everyone.