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Have any of you experienced difficulty accepting family members for who they are? Does anyone find that they are more sensitive around certain family members or around certain holidays? If so, what do you do to cope with the stress?!?! HELP!
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I am lucky to have a very supportive and loving family but there are still times when it is difficult accepting family members for who they are. I find that it is helpful for me to remember that the only person’s actions I can change are my own. It is also helpful when I remember that everyone goes through their own struggles, even my family members. I do the best I can to be supportive and helpful to them and then I let them know that I am there for them. If I find that I am overly stressed, I try to call a friend that can listen to me vent!!!
Its hard to accept family members for who they are particularly when it has to do with problematic behavior or mindsets. Its stressful to deal with socially undeducated opinions or beliefs when it comes from someone who is so closee to you. Sometimes, the most effective way to deal with this is to remember that although you cannot pick your family, you can chose your friends and the rest of the people you have relationships with. I think its important to remember that you dont have to be okay with socially marginalizing behavior, but sometimes there is no other choice but dealing with it, and that does not equate to accepting it. Never underestimate the power of venting, especially to people who you choose to be in your life, many times these relationships are better than blood relationships.
yeah… there are definitely periods where certain family members can irk me. i guess my biggest problem is with my grandparents, who are not very tolerant of people’s differences…. how do you accept a family member for who they are when who they are goes against your moral values? i don’t share much about my life with them and try to keep my personal life out of conversations when we are together. it would be a lot harder if i wanted to get closer to them.
I agree that it can be difficult to accept family members the way that they are. Especially if family members have different beliefs or values than you. I guess I would say it is important to try not to let others’ opinions affect your self-worth and to understand that even though it may seem very personal, it really is not personal when someone has a strong moral belief.
I like what Sheca has to say- it is sometimes the best and easiest choice to deal with family members’ negative behaviors, but that dealing with it does not have to mean accepting it. Many of my family members have different ideals than I do, as they are immigrants to America and hold cultural beliefs that come from their home country of China. I try to respect their beliefs the best I can but to not take anything they do or say too personally, as long as I have faith in my own actions and beliefs.
My family is a bunch of chaotic alcoholics. Every holiday they all get together and drink. They’re not the fighting type or anything, but being around that much sloppiness and drunkenness can be difficult, as I don’t drink. Also, a lot of them have small-town conservative ideals that go against some of my beliefs and actions, so whenever they bring up anything like that, which is more likely when they are drinking, it can be hurtful. To cope with the stress, I usually stick with my cousin who I get along with really well, or bring my girlfriend with me for moral support.
My family is wonderful, fortunately, so I don’t have this problem too much, but I have friends that do. It is hard to see them struggle to get along with their family, when I know how wonderful having a good relationship with a family can be. I try to be there for my friends as best as I can so that they have somebody they can talk to when the going is rough. I hope that things really get better for them.
I totally understand about having immigrant parents, ThePainter! My parents are from Mexico, and I moved here to America as a teen. Growing up in the midst of two distinct cultures can be really jarring sometimes, when the cultural values collide. I think it’s awesome that I can have both cultures be a part of myself though, even if it does sometimes cause conflict with my family.
Sunshine– that must be tough. It’s great that you have your girlfriend and a cousin to help you get through it. Sometimes its just that one person that can really help us!
My family is very competitive and I try not to get caught up in this. I also realize that I don’t have to attend every argument that I am invited to!
I like what medistudi said
I don’t have to attend every argument that I am invited to!
My family is very supportive and loving. one of my brother in law is the only person i cant even tell how much he irritates me, getting annoying email from him like 14 year old oh my………….
what he does stupid arguments which idont want to continue but he just want to start one for no reason.
So now even i can say that I don’t have to attend even a argument that I am invited too but i am not interested in :)!
Thats an awesome way to think about it… Everyone is always inviting me to something that they know I will not like, especially family members. They know exactly what buttons to push! I guess walking away, laughing or ignoring them would be the best response. It certainly works for me.
I have been feeling the family chaos in my house. My sister is a recent UCONN graduate and getting readjusted to her living here again (for us and her) has been a process. Sometimes it’s fine and we go about our business and then other times it’s a hot mess. Going from living on your own to going back to living with your family can be a hard change. And I get that. I really do. But that isn’t an excuse for her her to be a jerk and then my mom engage. I love my family, they try really hard to be supportive and have seen me through so many things, but they can drive me crazy. I just need to remember to not play into the drama.
Oh yeah girl, def ignore the drama. Your sis is prolly frustrated but i can tell that you’ve been more than accomodating.. kudos to you. I know my bro and I would have already had about 15 fights by now.. all out of love thought.. we laugh fight and get over it. its a family thing lol
Maybe you should try to talk to your sis, she prolly doesnt see that she’s being a jerk. Good luck Sara!
Yeah Sara, I totally agree with Vee on this one! You should talk to your sister about how you’re feeling. Most of the time, we can’t get anywhere with our personal relationships without an open dialogue. But I totally understand how you’re both frustrated.