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This topic contains 2 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by Avatar egbumblebee 1 year, 8 months ago.

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  • #11617
    Luz.Feliz
    Luz.Feliz
    Participant

    Throughout our lives, many of us encounter different situations that have made us feel like we were trapped, controlled, etc. Some of us my have been able to get out of those situations, some of us may still be going through them. What situations have you guys experienced within your lives that have made you feel like you were in chains and couldn’t get out? What helped you through it? I’ll go first.

    I think the thing that had me feeling like I was trapped the most within my life was an abusive relationship I was in. My partner had me controlled to the point in which I felt obligated to send him pictures of where I was at all times, because he threatened to leave me, would either yell or give me the silent treatment, or would accuse me of being with other men if I didn’t. He tracked my phone and where I was at all times, he stole money from me for drugs and cigarettes, he wouldn’t work more than a couple of weeks a specific job before he would quit or get fired and then I would have to become financially responsible for everything while he sat at home getting high all day. For a certain amount of time, he turned me against my own parents, the only people that have been there for me since day one and have never left my side. The amount of control he had over me was scary, and I was really scared to leave him because I didn’t think I could do any better, I didn’t think I would ever be able to be okay without him. With the help of my parents, I was able to kick him out of my place, and start moving forward. The beginning of this journey was definitely tough, because I didn’t feel complete. I felt like the person that had been a part of me for so long had just been ripped away from me and I didn’t know how to survive. But then, through baby steps and the support of my family and friends I was able to move forward, understanding that I was good enough, better than what he had put me through and capable of meeting someone new in due time. I had broken free.

    What in your life have you broken free from? What in your life do you still need to break free from?

  • #11627
    Avatar
    Anonymous

    Luz

    I am so happy you were able to break free from that toxic relationship. You deserve so much better. You finally were able to say “hey I don’t deserve this I need to leave him and find someone else” and that you did. Great job that takes a lot of determination!

    For me, I felt like I was in chains when I was addicted to drugs. I was definitely in chains because I could not stop picking up, no matter how hard I tried. Then finally one day, something clicked in my head and I stopped using and have been clean now for 1 year and 7 months. I finally broke the chain of my addiction. I believe prying to my higher power played a huge role in my recovery.

    So thank you for posting this topic Luz. It feels great to finally break free from the chains that make you feel trapped.

  • #11632
    Avatar
    egbumblebee
    Keymaster

    Love this topic Luz. I am so happy you were able to break free from such a toxic and abusive relationship. I can relate so much, it’s actually eerie. It sounds like our ex’s are extremely similar in many many ways. I understand how sad, lonely, and confusing it is to be in a relationship like that. Being conditioned to constantly doubt yourself and everyone around you, except of course the person who’s hurting you. Its so hard to break free, and so hard to move upwards and forwards afterwards as well. But we did it. And we are strong and amazing! I’m so glad you had your parents to help you through, and the strength to help yourself and recognize that what you were going through was not healthy or positive.
    I have broken free of many things throughout my life, and been chained by many things as well- some I am still trying to break. I think one of the biggest things I was able to break free from was cutting. I started self harming in elementary school by banging my head against walls when I was too upset to cope and didn’t have the skills to communicate what I was feeling properly. In middle school I began scratching myself, and by 9th grade I was addicted to cutting. I remember feeling as though I was cutting just because it was something to do, it was 4 am and I couldn’t sleep, I realized I hadn’t in a few days, it was a compulsive urge I didn’t understand, or to calm down/ regulate my emotions. It got so bad, that by the time I was 17 or 18 I was not only cutting every single day, but was also being admitted to the E.R. for stitches, staples, or surgical glue at least once a week, but often times more. I felt so helpless and trapped but could not stop or even seem to understand it. I remember feeling so much guilt;t, shame and disgust afterwards. Being so anxious about going to get stitches, or getting caught, or telling someone what I had done. I remember a friend of mine sitting on the floor crying hysterically because she was so scared and upset by my cutting and didn’t know how to help me.
    Finally, during my pregnancy, I realized how much my behaviors hurt those I loved. I realized how much it hurt me- the resulting feelings were often more difficult to cope with than the initial ones which cause me to self-harm. I thought of my mom, and my childhood. I remember seeing my mom put a pair of scissors to her wrist and neck and screaming in terror for her to stop. I was terrified to put my child through that kind of pain. Slowly but surely, I was able to stop. I think what helped most was being able to go longer and longer between cutting. Being able to stop and try something else before I reached for my “kit”. And realizing, that I didn’t NEED to cut to cope with life, which I had told myself over and over again throughout my adolescence.

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