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Hi guys! I want to introduce something new for us to talk about.
Every week, I am going to post a question of the week.
This week’s question of the week is: At what point did life change for the better?
For me, there are so many really bug turning points in my life and my progress has been really nonlinear. I think, if I look back at the time when things started to get better (well, they got a lot worse first, and then up and down– but it was a “beginning”) was when me and my brother went into DCF for the last time, that was a really painful and scary time in my life but also really important and most likely saved my life and my moms and brothers. I think we all recognize that there was so much dysfunction and pain building that a huge catharsis was coming, and it would have been very damaging.
I think this is a very good question to ask because sometimes I think back and I wonder how differently things would have turned out if life hadn’t played out the way it did. As for me, my life started to change for the better when my best friend at the time kept begging me to go to a support group at Toivo, this was 4 years ago. I finally decided to go just to make her shut up and stop annoying me. Fast forward from that day, we kept going to that group and others which we felt comfortable in and we would have a routine of going to get sweet frog afterwards to de-stress. Unfortunately, a little while afterwards, she committed suicide. I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t know where to turn, but because Toivo was the only place that I had learned to be my complete self without fear of judgement or any negative repercussions, I would still go. I would take 3 buses to and from there every single day just to ensure that my emotional well being was okay. After months of hanging out in the same person’s office, there was a job opening on the young adult Warmline and so I didn’t hesitate to apply as I had already been volunteering around the rest of the office. Toivo and Advocacy Unlimited saved me.
I tried to bring something similar to TPCT but each time I went to upload it, some sort of error manifested itself. With that being said, it makes my heart smile knowing you’re creating a weekly conversation of this sorts.
first and foremost, I sincerely appreciate both of you ladies for sharing your mind.
at what point did life change for the better?
this is an odd thing for me to think about because in retrospect, I’m not sure if I can pinpoint specific moment. i believe life is changing for the better as I type this.
even though high school was absolutely filled with strange times, it was also filled with a lot of self-exploration. I lost friends, I fell in love, I craved healing so bad that I experimented with drugs, and I spent quite a lot of time alone. at the time, I didn’t know what was “wrong” with me, I just knew I was emotionally, mentally, and spiritually different than my peers. my eyes, heart, and soul knew pain very well yet I had no idea how to communicate what I was feeling. I remember spending a lot of time by myself reading about mental health in my school’s library. I remember the decline in all things that were once pleasurable. I remember my aunt and uncle not knowing how to deal with me when my grades dropped. I remember reaching out to friends and telling them how I was feeling only for them to tell teachers and leave me behind. i’ll be honest, my memory isn’t that great but I remember these times as if they happened yesterday. at least how they made me feel.
to bring everything back around, I’m just trying to paint a picture of where this healing journey of mine began. I realize now that it took an immense amount of pain and a curiosity to understand this pain that allowed me create a better connection with myself. for example, because my aunt and uncle knew i was struggling yet didn’t know how to get through to me, i began seeing a therapist that would eventually shift the paradigm of how i view not only myself but the whole universe around me. this was my turning point because i can genuinely say i went from being 15/17 seeing no future at all, to having a glimmer of hope. there’s so much more i could talk about but it felt really good thinking about these things. i feel grounded and i am looking forward to next week’s question.
peace and love, forever and always
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TurningPointCT.org was developed by young people in Connecticut who are in recovery from mental health and substance use issues. We know what it’s like to feel alone, stressed, worried, sad, and angry. We’ve lived through the ups and downs of self-harm, drugs and alcohol, and the struggle to find help.
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