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A year in one relationship. Not a friendship, not a family-cousin love, mother-daughter, sibling kind of relationship, but a romantic relationship, and a healthy one at that. When I first got in this relationship I was so on guard, I feared and worried that everything I had worked to accomplish and work through would go to complete shit if he ended up treating me just as bad or even worse than the man in my last relationship. But a month went by, then 2, then 6, and then finally, a year, and there were no red flags, no anxiety attacks provoked by stalking behavior and the fear of my friends and family finding out the truth behind the person I said “”loved” me. This man supported me in my interests and encouraged me to achieve my goals and dreams rather than living off of me and telling me I wouldn’t be able to accomplish anything. This man helped me financially, whether it was treating me to dates or buying me gifts, it felt amazing not to be used for financial benefit. I wasn’t mistreated verbally, emotionally, physically, mentally. I could go out with my friends without the fear of having my location tracked. I never had to take pictures as proof of where I was due to his insecurities. This past year marked a milestone not only within my relationship, but within my life. I am now with a person whose presence I enjoy rather than fear, whose hugs I embrace rather than cringe from. I enjoy his family and am grateful to have a set of siblings that I otherwise wouldn’t get to have, and I will cherish every moment of it. For all of those in the same or similar situations I was once in, you can escape an abusive relationship, and when you are ready, the right person will be waiting for you.
Thank you so much for sharing this.
First, congratulations! I am so happy that you have found a happy and healthy relationship, and that it’s been so healing for you.
It means a lot for me to read this, my most recent relationship (and my only) was also abusive, and I am still healing. People ask me a lot if I will ever date, ask when I will date, poke fun of me for not dating, etc. The truth is, I have been afraid to get into another relationship. I dread the thought of ever feeling the way I did while I was in that relationship, I dread being treated that way, feeling the things you described– it makes me feel hopeful to read that you are a entire year into a healthy relationship and that it’s helped you grown and heal.
It definitely took me a lot to be willing to open up and there are still things that I am letting him know about me and I am working through. I think it is totally normal for you to be hesitant, and you have to be ready to start new with someone else and that takes time. There is absolutely no right time or any rush for you to have to be in another relationship, because the things that we had to endure were painful and leave a deep impact within us. Take your time, because when you are ready, your person will be ready and waiting. 🙂
TurningPointCT.org was developed by young people in Connecticut who are in recovery from mental health and substance use issues. We know what it’s like to feel alone, stressed, worried, sad, and angry. We’ve lived through the ups and downs of self-harm, drugs and alcohol, and the struggle to find help.
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