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Home Let’s Talk Coping With This Thing Called Life Free-Write: "Null."

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    • #13832
      faljakfaljak
      Participant

      Perhaps if I could infect those G R E A T E R than myself
      I would feel a little worth more than the useless L E S S than myself,

      It was similar to a beggar seeking yet another bottom of an endless bottle.
      It was similar to a beast clawing its way back for another needle.
      It was similar to a misanthropic nurse who pulled the tourniquet too tight and left you to suffocate.

      Maybe if I watched them seize enough,
      If I watched them grapple unwittingly,
      Wantonly,
      Stupidly,
      For all these things long enough,
      Maybe I would understand then,
      They’d told me.

      Did they,
      Each of them who told me to pass a bottle or one needle too strong,
      Forget that I was raised by the same lies &. same faces?
      The same tender hands that would sooner be fists &. gauntlets than a kind touch?
      The same swirling voices that spoke so beautifully in a tongue of miasma that was laced with false promises?
      The same accusations &. screams that gaslight my terrors throughout the years?

      “Addictive personality”,
      I think,
      Can mean many things these days.

      It will not mean I will fall to their plight,
      I will not be marked down on some crumbling epitaph in the same manner.

      I believe it means they are all too engaged in this pretense of “vulnerability” I exude,
      As false a claim as this is,
      And if they really wish to see what M E N T A L is,
      They have yet to see it.

      If they want to taste morphine, they will have it;
      Slow like a kindling burn aching in their souls and marrow.

      If they want to have heroine, they will have it;
      Cauterizing every atrium and ventricle in them until they are fit to burst at the seams.

      … Laughable, at best, to compare my own personality to drugs
      However,
      A misanthropic nurse has to do what they do B E S T.

    • #13968
      Avataregbumblebee
      Keymaster

      Wow, this is really amazing. Thanks so much for sharing this with us. I hope you share more of your free writes!

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