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before I start the blog for this week I wanted to let you all know how my finals went I got 4 As and a B- in Spanish (that’s an amazing grade in Spanish for me) anyway… my term GPA is a…… 3.7!!! which means for the first time ever… I have made deans list. I can not stress enough how important it is to be at the right college for you. having that amazing support of friends is how I did as while as I did.
Back to the real story this week.
So the first post I ever wrote on this blog was about my struggle with living with dirty people. Now I am back home for the summer. Most people would be all excited to be home but I am not. Being home means messes I can not clean up my house is kind of large. We have a kind of finished basement where my bother lives. Which is so messy because he’s 16 so I don’t even go down there. Then the main level is 6 different rooms including the kitchen with cabinets and then the upstairs 5 rooms including mine. My house is a mess because there are 3 kids living here and my mom is a working mom and doesn’t have time to clean it. But when I try to organize it, it doesn’t stay organized at all. So my room I want to keep perfect but if I do that I know what is behind my door and that just stresses me out more. Another thing, anyone who is older and in college, my mental illness started in high school and I have so many negative memories in this house I just hate being here. And I hate saying that because shouldn’t I love it? No I hate it I want to get out of this house, I feel trapped. Does this happen to anyone else? please let me know. I hate feeling alone and all I want to do is lay in bed.
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Hi Kelly,
First of all, congratulations on your grades. Thats really awesome!
Somehow I feel as though I can connect with you where home may not feel as comforting as it really should be. I grew up as an only child until my brother came along 10 years after I was born. It was really lonely growing up – school was a rescue throughout my childhood because thats where I got to have friends.
For most of my childhood, my parents never get along, they always argued with each other, it was just a sad place to be. As you would expect, the fights never ended until my parents separated. I still live with that trauma from growing up – home was never really home, it was merely where I slept and eat. My father was also very abusive, sometimes I hate to think about the things he did to me, but there, I just did.
Maybe I have forgiven him, but the scars never go away, I will always remember what home was. I remember the days when I went home only to anger and discontentment.
To us, home does mean different things, and it could be the only reason why we never stop dreaming.
Hey Kevin,
I am sorry to hear your home life was hard as a kid. As a kid I was bullied at school so I really did not have a safe place to go. I never felt home at my house. I just felt like I didn’t fit in with my family and it was hard. now that i am college i finally have a place where i feel at home. i hate having to leave for the summer.
i totally understand what your saying about scars never going away. because of being bullied i have a very hard trusting friends because i feel like i never truly know how they feel.
Kevin and Kelly,
I’m so sorry that both of you were victims of such hard experiences growing up. Kelly, that’s awesome that your finals went so well! It’s the end of the year, so you guys should definitely celebrate!! Summer is so close, meaning sunshine and happiness are even closer. My prom is this weekend and I’m really excited to just be silly and have fun. What are you guys looking forward to?
Emily