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I am not new to this, but I thought I was past this. I am 45.
The first time I attempted, I was 12. I felt uncomfortable in
my own skin until I was about 27. Then I felt great, until life
became exceedingly complex. My mother has schizo-affective
disorder, and I’m struggling to keep a roof over her head — and
she’s fighting. My father lied about having the court eliminate
alimony, and in my attempt to use the courts to protect the roof
over her head, I unintentionally sicked lawyers on my dad for
lack of payment. My dad has now withdrawn from helping, and he’s
in trouble to the point of possibly declaring bankruptcy, and I
owe the legal fees he promised to pay. My wife wants nothing to
do with my mother and is stressed beyond belief from both her
parents dying within 5 weeks in Sept and Oct, without wills or
payable-upon-death bank accounts. I am the sole breadwinner in a
household of three people. I don’t know what to say. I’m depressed
just writing this. I don’t have a question. I have nothing more
than pain. Pain my wife doesn’t understand. Pain I cannot discuss.
All I’ve known to ward off pain is anger. But I’m getting too old
for that to keep working so well. If you can, on any level, please,
offer advice or help.
45yr old guy in NW Mississippi.
Bulkysad – I just saw your post from last night and I’m so sorry for the incredible amount of stress you’re under. I hope you got some sleep. Please hang in there and know that you don’t have to get through all this alone. It sounds like you’re carrying all the burdens of everyone in your family and that’s awful. It’s ok to set that burden aside and put on your own oxygen mask right now. I’m glad you reached out last night and hope you will make a phone call today.
1-877-210-8513 is the 24/7 helpline from the Mississippi Dept of Mental Health. Please call to talk through your own suicide/mental health crisis. They can also connect your mom to a community outreach team who can help figure out her situation. If you don’t want to call a number in Mississippi, the National Suicide Lifeline is 800-273-8255. You mentiond a previous attempt, which has me really worried. But even if you don’t feel suicidal right now, just calling will help because you will have someone to talk to, especially since your wife is dealing with her own emotional pain and loss.
Also, the state of MS has social services available to the elderly, people with mental illness, etc. Your parents may qualify for help and can certainly talk with a social worker to find out about resources, which will remove some of your burden. You shouldn’t be the only one, and they’ll help you figure out who else can help.
State Dept of Human Services link here
Dept of Mental Health regional centers info here)
You mentioned that you struggled until you were 27 but then things were better. Right now you have a ton of things to struggle with in your family, but they’re all going to be resolved at some point. Hang in there! Please find someone to talk with first, and your family will be able to get help. My thoughts are with you.
Hi Bulkysad, I am really happy that you found us and reached out for some help and support.
Your story really breaks my heart, I ca relate to so much of what you are saying. Though we are different in age, we have been through a lot of the same things. I know how much of a burden it is to witness your family struggle, and to be caught in the middle of it. I know how exhausting and terrifying it is be at risk of homelessness and bankruptcy. And I know how it feels to want to die. I wish that you had someone there with you to help you through this hard time. I am going to do my best to offer some hope.
We both know that things get better, we also know that it can take some time and that can feel impossible in times of uncertainty and discomfort. I know that right now, it probably feels as though you are in this alone, isolated and on an island. You are so wrong. In fact, your experience touches a person of the opposite gender, in her twenties, with a totally different circumstance right now. That’s all to say that you aren’t alone. The most uncanny people understand you deeply.
I hope that you continue to reach out to us, I would like to keep helping you through this time. We are here to sit with you through this wave, and to remind you that like all things, it must pass.
If at any time you NEED to speak with someone right away, don’t hesitate to call the national suicide hotline. 1-800-273-8255. That number got me through some really scary nights when I was a teenager. They also now have an online chat option, which I have never used but might be worth a try.
How are you doing today?
TurningPointCT.org was developed by young people in Connecticut who are in recovery from mental health and substance use issues. We know what it’s like to feel alone, stressed, worried, sad, and angry. We’ve lived through the ups and downs of self-harm, drugs and alcohol, and the struggle to find help.
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