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Monique I love your story and can relate to it in many ways! I totally know what you mean about having breakdowns in the middle of places and having to walk away and come back like you’re totally fine. ‘Wearing a mask’ gets so exhausting and when I start thinking about how I have to pull myself together — I just get even more anxious. Just this morning I woke up with a really intense panic attack. I felt so dizzy from it and crawled my way to my bathroom because I felt as if I was going to vomit and I needed water on my face desperately. I was doing deep breathing and I couldn’t take any medication because I was so nausous and afraid of throwing up my medication. So I had to do some deep breathing just to get my heart rate lowered and my hands to stop shaking so much. The panic attack triggered a fainting spell and if I wasn’t already sitting, I would’ve had to sit down immediately to prevent myself from fainting. Then once I felt a little better, I thought “ok time to start to get ready to leave the house I’m already running late” and BOOM anxiety came flooding back because I had SO much fear that this wasn’t going to go away on time for me to get going.
I love how you said that poetry helps you. Writing is one of my favorite go-to’s whether its doing it as a hobby or as a coping mechanism for my mental health. When I’m too shakey to write and my thoughts are running too wild to concentrate on writing, I read. Reading can really distract me and take me to a different world so I’m able to relax a bit.
I also go to therapy like you do and it def does make a difference and is helpful. I have a great therapist and I’ve started EMDR Therapy.
I’m so excited for you that you’ll be graduating soon!! I hope you continue to check in with us!
TurningPointCT.org was developed by young people in Connecticut who are in recovery from mental health and substance use issues. We know what it’s like to feel alone, stressed, worried, sad, and angry. We’ve lived through the ups and downs of self-harm, drugs and alcohol, and the struggle to find help.
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