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Allison Kernan
Allison Kernan
Keymaster

Monique I love your story and can relate to it in many ways! I totally know what you mean about having breakdowns in the middle of places and having to walk away and come back like you’re totally fine. ‘Wearing a mask’ gets so exhausting and when I start thinking about how I have to pull myself together — I just get even more anxious. Just this morning I woke up with a really intense panic attack. I felt so dizzy from it and crawled my way to my bathroom because I felt as if I was going to vomit and I needed water on my face desperately. I was doing deep breathing and I couldn’t take any medication because I was so nausous and afraid of throwing up my medication. So I had to do some deep breathing just to get my heart rate lowered and my hands to stop shaking so much. The panic attack triggered a fainting spell and if I wasn’t already sitting, I would’ve had to sit down immediately to prevent myself from fainting. Then once I felt a little better, I thought “ok time to start to get ready to leave the house I’m already running late” and BOOM anxiety came flooding back because I had SO much fear that this wasn’t going to go away on time for me to get going.

I love how you said that poetry helps you. Writing is one of my favorite go-to’s whether its doing it as a hobby or as a coping mechanism for my mental health. When I’m too shakey to write and my thoughts are running too wild to concentrate on writing, I read. Reading can really distract me and take me to a different world so I’m able to relax a bit.

I also go to therapy like you do and it def does make a difference and is helpful. I have a great therapist and I’ve started EMDR Therapy.

I’m so excited for you that you’ll be graduating soon!! I hope you continue to check in with us!